‘It won’t change anything,’ he said, watching her.
She wondered if he would become suspicious, defensive, embittered; if he would watch her and Nina with new eyes, understanding things about them, blaming them for a hurt inflicted by someone else. For a moment she felt she would have done anything to protect him from the course which now opened out so temptingly before him. She could tell him, as no one had told her, the perils that awaited him there, the hidden traps and future pains to which innocence was blind. She could save him from it, as she herself had wanted to be saved!
‘It will,’ she said resignedly. ‘But perhaps that’s no bad thing, after all.’ She met his gaze. ‘I suppose you have to find out for yourself.’
He nodded and leaned against her chair. They sat for a moment in silence. The storm appeared suddenly to abate and in the stillness Agnes felt they could have stayed like that for ever. Before long, however, a fresh gust of wind whipped around them and Merlin sat up.
‘So what’s up?’ He smiled cheerfully and added: ‘Doc?’
‘Well—’ Agnes folded her arms across her chest and sighed. ‘Jean’s leaving. They’ve offered me her job.’
‘But that’s great! It’s great, isn’t it?’
‘No!’ she cried. ‘Of course it isn’t! Why do you think I’m sitting out here, for heaven’s sake? Because I’m pleased about it?’
The door slammed and Nina stumbled out into the garden.
‘What is this?’ she yelled against the wind. ‘A bloody earth summit?’
‘It’s an open-air careers forum,’ replied Merlin, patting the space beside him. ‘Come and sit down. You might learn something.’
‘You’re mad,’ said Nina. ‘Both of you.’
‘Not me,’ Merlin innocently replied. He pointed at Agnes. ‘Her.’
‘Why? What’s up?’
Agnes threw Merlin a murderous glance.
‘I didn’t say anything!’ he protested.
‘What’s going on?’ Nina demanded.
‘Jean’s leaving,’ Agnes wearily repeated. ‘And they’ve offered me her job.’
‘Oh.’ Nina wrapped her coat around her chest. ‘Oh. What are you going to do?’
‘What is this?’ exclaimed Merlin. ‘I don’t understand. Somebody explain to me why I alone don’t feel depressed by this news. I thought I was supposed to be the sensitive one around here.’
‘Well,’ explained Nina. ‘It’s a big commitment. And Agnes isn’t even sure that she likes the company or the product. Am I right, Ag?’
Agnes nodded.
‘I take it you two have patched things up,’ commented Merlin despondently. ‘My double-agent days are over.’
‘Would you want to spend the rest of your life at Diplomat’s Week?’ burst out Agnes. ‘I mean, I always thought it was something temporary — something to do while I was waiting for … for real life to begin, I suppose.’ She looked at them both imploringly. ‘If I accept, well, it will become real life.’
‘Is that so bad?’ said Merlin.
‘I think that rather depends,’ observed Nina, ‘on what she was expecting.’ She drew her knees up beneath her chin. ‘Unfortunately, things have an annoying way of not becoming real until they’re unpleasant.’ She laughed. ‘Do you remember how we were at college? We spent all our time drinking white wine and mock-identifying with the proletariat. Now I seem to spend all my time drinking bloody instant coffee and mock-identifying with students lounging around in sixteenth-century buildings.’
‘It’s a cross the middle classes have to bear,’ opined Merlin. ‘We come somewhere between hubris and entropy. Anyway, what was Agnes expecting?’
‘How should I know?’ Nina shrugged. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’
‘Agnes,’ said Merlin sonorously. ‘Reveal to us your great expectations.’
‘Well—’ Agnes thought about it. ‘Aren’t everyone’s the same? Something glamorous, interesting, exciting—’
‘—utterly unobtainable,’ continued Merlin.
A blast of wind roared around them.
‘But won’t you be in charge?’ said Nina into the sudden quiet of its subsidence.
‘I suppose so. Of the magazine, anyway.’
‘Well, couldn’t you make it exciting?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Change it, you know. Make it what you want.’
‘It’s called Diplomat’s Week, Nina,’ said Merlin, ‘I don’t think the scope is exactly endless.’
‘Whose side are you on?’ demanded Nina.
‘I’m not sure, but I seem to be being left behind,’ said Merlin mildly.
‘Why not?’ said Nina, addressing Agnes. ‘Diplomacy is quite interesting, actually. It’s politics. Also, it’s a weekly, so you could have a news section as well as features. You could give the magazine an opinion. That sort of thing makes you indispensable.’
‘I’m not sure how that would go down,’ said Agnes. ‘All we offer at the moment are restaurant reviews and lists of executive nightclubs. Our readership would probably simultaneously keel over if we mentioned politics.’
‘Get new readers!’ Nina cried. ‘Increase your circulation!’
Agnes’s own circulation had already visibly increased. She felt her heart pounding against her ribcage.
‘Do you think I could?’ she said, ‘I mean, do you honestly think so?’
‘Try,’ Nina replied. ‘And find out.’
‘How much would they pay you?’ Merlin inquired.
Agnes mentioned the sum Jean had proposed.
‘Well, for God’s sake,’ sighed Merlin exasperatedly. He slapped his forehead. ‘Why don’t you just do it for the money?’
‘The weirdest thing happened to me on my way here,’ said Greta, bounding into the office. ‘This guy came up to me and told me he thought I was beautiful. Can you believe it?’
‘What did you do?’ said Agnes fearfully.
‘Nothing. He just said it and then he walked away. I was kind of miffed, actually.’
She seated herself on Agnes’s desk, giving Agnes the opportunity to view at close quarters the physiognomy so admired by her benign assailant.
‘You do look well,’ she commented. ‘You obviously needed a rest.’
‘I feel different,’ Greta agreed. ‘I feel — happy, I guess. I know it may sound stupid, but I’m beginning to think those bad feelings, the ones I told you about, well, that they might have gone away.’
‘Oh!’ said Agnes delightedly. ‘Do you think so?’
‘Yeah. Neat, huh? I wonder if I’m going to meet just nice people from now on. I’ll feel like such a sleaze.’
‘But what do you think caused it?’
‘Who knows? Maybe I faced my fear, like in those encounter groups. Maybe that son of a bitch did me a favour after all. I feel exorcised.’ She grinned. ‘Born again, even. Talking of which, are you taking this goddamned job or not? Have you made up your dumb mind?’
‘Well — yes.’
‘Yes you’ve made up your dumb mind, or yes you—’
‘I’m taking the job.’ Agnes interjected, while Greta leapt and cheered around the office. ‘Although what I’m going to do with all this power I can’t imagine. Make everyone wear orange uniforms to work or something.’
‘Shame,’ said Greta. ‘I look great in orange.’
‘What do you mean?’ Agnes stared at her in horror. ‘Aren’t you going to be here?’
‘Well, no, I guess.’
‘But — but, Greta, you can’t! We’ll do everything equally, I promise. Oh, please stay! I won’t tell you what to do, I promise! Please!’
‘It wouldn’t be right,’ said Greta firmly. ‘Someone has to be boss. Besides, I’ve got other plans. I want to be a gardener.’
‘A gardener?’