She tasted of honey and chocolate, a blend of sweetness that he wanted to lose himself within. “Eve,” he breathed, breaking contact with her mouth. She cried out, but that sound of protest merged with a keening plea as he trailed his lips along her cheek, lower to her neck. Lucas cupped her buttocks and dragged her against him. A low, agonized groan stuck in her throat as she twined her fingers through his hair, angling his head to boldly meet his kiss. His shaft thrust hard and demanding against her flat belly. There was nothing shy or hesitant about this woman; even in her embrace. In her arms, he felt alive. Alive, when he’d been dead for so long. A woman who—
Was in his employ. Heart pounding, Lucas stumbled away. The thick haze of desire receded, leaving in its place a horrifying shame. Prior to the war, he’d been a rogue and a charmer, but he’d never been a man to seduce servants in his or his family’s employ. And yet... Since she’d swept into his chambers the day prior, he’d ceased to see her as anything other than Eve Nelson—courageous, quick-witted minx who challenged him at every turn.
“Lucas,” she whispered, taking a step toward him. He staggered back another step and then continued retreating.
“That should not have happened,” he rasped. “I... Forgive me.” If he were the respectable gentleman he’d once been, he’d have offered her wages for the year and freedom from her post. But he was not that man, as was proof of his actions in these chambers, a short while ago.
Her eyes still clouded with desire, Eve searched his face. Did she seek a hint of the man he used to be? “There is nothing to forgive,” she said. Her husky contralto sent desire raging through him, once more.
“I do not...” He grimaced, hating to put her in the same ranks as the servants who pitied and feared him. “Take advantage of those in my employ.”
Those full bow-shaped lips, swollen from his kiss tipped up at the corners. “Lucas,” she began. “I am a woman grown. Seven and twenty years. I assure you, I know my mind and would not hold you responsible for a kiss that I wanted.”
A kiss that I wanted...She desired him. It was a potent reminder that he was very much alive. A wave of hunger for her, unlike any he’d known with any woman before her.
Then reality slammed into him, cold, uninvited, and unwelcomed. For the truth remained: he was a monster, terrified to step outside these chambers. He could never be more...for her—or anyone.
Footsteps sounded in the hall and he gave thanks for the interruption. With several, long strides, Eve strode over and pulled the door open. A young boy held forward the tray with Lucas’ evening meal. Periodically, the child stole glances over her shoulder. Fear gleamed bright in his eyes as he hurriedly backed out of the room.
This is what I’ve become. A man to inspire fear in boys and girls.
Balancing the tray, Eve drew the door closed with her spare hand. She carried the tray over to the rosewood game table that had been set up almost a year ago as a makeshift dining table. He frowned. “I eat at the nightstand.”
“Yes,” she said as she strolled away from that tray. “Which I expect is deuced uncomfortable to eat in that reclining, sideways position.”
Yes, it was. Lucas eyed the food a long while, warring with himself. When he’d been taken prisoner from the fields of Talavera, the French had forced him into a small Spanish cottage in the countryside. If he’d made so much as a sound or movement out of place, they’d beat him. He still bore the marks of those torturous beatings on the skin of his back. From that moment, he’d learned to love silence. It was safe.
“The night before every battle, I would sing.” At that quiet, unexpected admission, Lucas shifted his gaze from the tray to Eve’s solemn face. “I would sing the same song, In the Merry Month of May. After I sang, I would pray the same prayers, with my appeals to God, using the same words every time. I feared if I deviated, in any way, death would come.” She stared through him, lost in a world only she could see, a world that he had also known. “Sometimes it did,” she said, a haunting quality to that whisper. “Sometimes, the men who became like brothers and friends, died on those fields. Sometimes, they lost limbs and were carried from the fields, back to England.” Sadness spilled from her expressive eyes and his stomach muscles knotted at her pain.
And he ached to stave the flow of words and end the barrage of nightmares that would always exist for her. If he were that same man, he could call forth those soothing words. “It is death and dying that haunts you,” he said softly.
“It is,” she agreed. “Many of them also lived, Lucas. Those men will carry different scars with them, but they lived.” Eve gestured to his bed. “Sitting in a certain bed, in a certain way, in a certain room, will not undo what happened to you. Nor will it prevent other bad things from happening, to you or anyone.” Her quiet pronouncement cut him to the quick. Words that saw more than he himself had in his entire year of being home. “But do you know what, Lucas?” she asked, meeting his eyes.
Unable to speak, he managed to shake his head, hanging on her every word. Fearing that if he made even a single utterance, she’d stop and this bond between them would be shattered, and he would return once more to the solitary figure, without a soul he could connect with.
“If you spend the remainder of your life in this room, nothing good will happen to you, either,” she said quietly.
The clock ticked loudly in the quiet that descended. I should tell her to get the hell out. Send her to the devil as I would anyone else.
In the end, the decision was made for him. Eve gathered her dust cloths and left, closing the door silently behind her. With her words clamoring around his mind, Lucas stood frozen as the seconds melted into minutes.
Then, swallowing hard, he picked his way slowly across the room. Stopping at the makeshift dining table, he stared down at the contents of the silver tray.
And then, he sat.
Chapter 6
Everything had changed.
The role of servant and employer, and angry lord and lesser lady, had blurred so distinctions were stripped away. Now Eve and Lucas existed as woman and man, who’d known one another’s embrace, and more, words and secrets she had shared with no other.
The following week, as Eve moved around Lucas’ chambers, straightening the darkened space and dusting the now gleaming furniture, he sat observing her with an intensity that left her breathless. In their frank talk, their souls had bonded, in a kindred connection she’d never known with another.
Pretenses gone, he no longer lay in that broad four-poster bed but rather sat in the King Louis XIV chair. A chair better suited to a formal parlor than bedchambers. Eve turned down his coverlet for the night, the striking intimacy of her being here heightened in ways it hadn’t even after that first kiss. She paused at his nightstand, that same leather volume in the precise spot it was every day.
She picked it up and studied the gold letters emblazoned upon the cover. But for the times she dusted the copy, it remained there. Why did Lucas keep a book, he’d no intention of reading?
“It was my favorite title,” he murmured.
In the week they’d known one another, their thoughts had moved in harmony. “I was always fascinated by Caesar’s devotion to Cornelia. He’d forsake a fortune and defy a consul, remaining married to her, despite opinions.” It was devotion, better reserved for fiction than real life.
Lucas started. “You know the work.”
At the shock coating that statement, Eve lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “My mother died when I was born. My father was the only company I knew. He served in the military. Every aspect of his life and mine, because of it, connected to those pursuits. The only books we had were those of the great commanders and leaders.” She motioned to the pile at the front of the room. “When I was a young girl, I’d read through them and...” Her cheeks warmed.