“They were fine.”
“That’s good, glad to hear it sir, goodnight.”
Butler drawing the drapes of the Ambassador’s dining room across the street. Schultz up the steps to his own gleaming front door. Two brass keys to turn in two brass locks. And my own drapes closed across the downstairs window. Don’t even remember doing it after this fucking long hard day. Of my heart having to suddenly start beating again just when I thought it had no beats left. At least no behemoth is waiting tonight to come charging at me. Jump in a hot enough bath and could kill some of these microbes. If my prick and balls can stand it. And then my god almighty, after a day like today, I hope I can fall asleep.
“Surprise, Sigmund.”
Schultz as his hand was about to land on the light switch of the library. Was in a flood of light coming out of the dining room door just behind him. And hands folded angelically and all smiles in a long black clinging evening gown, stood Pricilla.
“Darling. Darling. I’m back.”
“Hey what the fuck’s going on.”
“Darling, come. I’ve nearly got it all ready. Everything. All for you. Champagne. Caviar. Smoked salmon. Chicken in aspic. Gulls’ eggs, everything you love. For us to have a feast. To celebrate.”
“Celebrate what.”
“Darling, that I’ve come out of hospital well again, of course. And all safe and back into your arms.”
“You looked fine to me on the floor before you went in.”
“That’s churlish of you to say. Don’t be churlish. And meanie. Come in. Into the dining room. Come now. In here. It’s all the food mother and I had left over at the hospital.”
“I got no appetite.”
“You will have soon darling.”
“Why.”
“Because of what I’m going to tell you.”
“Hey what’s that fucking thing.”
“That’s my big teddy bear Boobles.”
“You’re asking me to come sit down with a fucking teddy bear at the head of my own table with a place all set for him.”
“Darling. Please. I want to tell you something. And I’m going to use that horrid word.”
“What are you talking about.”
“Darling you can fuck me till your heart’s content tonight.”
“Holy Jesus christ what are you saying.”
“You heard me darling.”
“Hey wait a minute. This whole transformation is all taking me pretty suddenly.”
“And that’s how I want you now darling to take me. Naked and suddenly. Tie me up and whip me. Rape me.”
“Just a minute. Hold it. Never mind the sadism. Just how come the big change honey.”
“Darling what change.”
“Your mother was out there only last night trying to beat my brains out on my own stoop with her umbrella.”
“O darling darling, things like that are past. Don’t you understand. Past. Gone and forgotten.”
“Like this black eye I got from your mother’s fist.”
“O my poor darling. It’s going to be all right believe me. No please, let me kiss it for you. Let me kiss it. I’ll kiss you all over tonight. Even your arse.”
“So you’re going to kiss my arse. Well that’s what you can do, kiss my arse.”
“Don’t say it like that darling.”
“I’m saying it just like you said it. Christ I don’t even know where the fuck I am.”
“Darling you’re with me. With me. You are. And here, my little kisses all over your spotty face for my poor little sweetie pie.”
“Hold it, hold it honey. Wait a minute. Please. Stop the smothering.”
“Why are you pulling away like this.”
“I got to understand what’s all the big change all of a sudden.”
“Nothing has changed darling, I’m simply yours.”
“Well I’ve just been to the doctor’s. And he says I got a raging kind of possible pneumonia or something he thinks could be coming on due to strain and overwork. Plus a toothache. I could contaminate you.”
“Then darling, contaminate me.”
“Jesus baby don’t rush me a second. First just let me change out of my wet clothes.”
“Darling, you are wet.”
“That’s what I said. I need a hot bath. I’m going upstairs.”
“Of course darling you need a hot bath. Now I know how busy you are. How did you get all spotted.”
“That’s how I got spotted. Because I’m busy.”
Schultz up the stairs two at a time to exercise his thigh muscles. Pricilla holding up her long gown as she followed.
“Yes I know. Al told mother and me. He’s been so sweet.”
“What did he tell mother and you.”
“About your rehearsal. And all how it might be a wonderful hit.”
“You mean my show a hit.”
“And mother and I think it’s so marvellous for you.”
“Look honey, nothing’s wonderful. And I haven’t got anything together yet that even remotely looks like a hit.”
“You haven’t.”
“No. Nobody knows what the fuck’s going to happen till after six months it’s already a hit and when that’s happened and then it’s booked out solid for another year in advance you might lean back a bit for two seconds and say you got a hit. Otherwise all you got is a hit on the head.”
“Well Al said you had a hit on your hands. And at a time like that mother said she felt you needed me near you.”
“Boy your fucking mother knows exactly the time for you to make yourself an adaptable human being.”
“And what does that mean.”
“Forget it honey, forget it. Jesus the fucking bulb’s gone out for the bathroom.”
Schultz standing on a chair lugged in from the hallway. Pricilla holding up a new bulb. And her other hand gripping the chair back as Schultz reached to extract by twists, turns and tugs the old bulb from its socket.
“Jesus this fucking thing won’t move. God damn it.”
“Be careful Sigmund, the chair. O my god the leg is breaking.”
Schultz in his sudden downward descent two handed grabbed the light shade as a parachute. His fingers tearing through the blue parchment and eagerly anchoring around the wire frame. A rip and a crack of ceiling plaster. A flash of electricity and smell of burning as Schultz fell bringing an ersatz Georgian ceiling medallion down fragmenting on his head. As the whole house fused into darkness.
“Fucking bloody cunt. This fucking bloody house and all its god damn phony two bit furniture.”
“O darling are you hurt.”
“No just my fucking toes maimed again. Now how am I going to find the god damn fuse box when I don’t even know where the lousy thing is.”
“Anger will get you nowhere darling.”
“Like fuck it won’t boy. I’ll kick the shit out of this house. Till I find it. As if enough didn’t happen to me today.”
Schultz undressed by candlelight. And sipped a glass of champagne, sucking back the delicately oily grey teardrops of caviar. Lying back in the bath covered to the chin in foam. Big Ben tolling eight bells. Pricilla leaning over the porcelain edge on her elbows staring at him in adoration. And in the flickering yellow glow she helped dry.
“My Sigmund you do have such a big prick and balls.”
“That’s right honey. Inherited from my grandfather.”
“Do you like me to do this to you.”
“It’s swell honey, it’s swell.”
“Well I’m going to stop because I want to save it all for when we get to bed.”
“Hey honey, do we have to have this big occasion exactly tonight. I’m kind of really knocked out from the day’s events.”
“You’re standing there with an enormous erection.”
“I know I am honey, I know it.”