Schultz shepherded by Al to one table after another. Nodding his black curly head to the grins. Shaking hands and smiling as Al made his quips.
“Here’s the guy, ladies and gents, who wears the laurel wreath tonight.”
Al crossing to his own table stopping to wait as his girl friend returning from the powder room approached. This darkly tailored tranquil lady, a strand of pearls at her pale throat.
“Sigmund let me introduce you now to the most wonderful loveliest creature in London. Louella this is the one and only Sigmund Franz Schultz. And Sigmund this is Louella the greatest girl you’re ever going to meet in your life.”
Schultz stopping in his tracks. Looking at this friendly forthright face. Long brown hair parted in the middle gleaming amber in the light. The soft kindly eyes.
“Hi Louella how do you do.”
“Hello.”
“But don’t I know you from somewhere.”
A white pallor bleaching Al’s face. As he looks from Schultz back to his girl friend now wreathed in a smile of recognition.”
“Yes you do Mr. Schultz.”
Al slumping at the knees. His trouser lengthening over and covering the diamond studded gold buckles of his evening slippers.
“Hey what it this. You two know each other.”
“Hey I just thought I did, Al. I’m sure it’s a mistake.”
Louella shyly smiling at Schultz. As she squeezed her fingers against a black beaded handbag in her hand and touched the silver initials above its clasp.
“Don’t you remember Mr. Schultz.”
Al’s jaw dropping a further forty miles on his alabaster face. His eyes bowls of horror as he turned to stare at Schultz wracking his brain.
“Yeah I do I guess. It’s just somewhere on the tip of my head. Hey are you alright Al. Jesus you’ve gone completely white. Let me give you some water.”
“Never mind giving. Let me ask. Point blank if you don’t mind. Do you know each other or not. I want an immediate explanation.”
“Al christ you need medical attention with such a color change on your face.”
“I don’t need nothing but an explanation in black and white and I want it right this second.”
Louella putting her hand up to her cheek. Her lower teeth pressing out biting her upper lip. And a tiny catch in her breath.
“I met Mr. Schultz on the floor.”
“You met this philanderer where. On the floor.”
“Yes. He fell down the stairs.”
“Where were you and he so that he fell down the stairs.”
“Al, my darling, please, it was only in an office building.”
“Sure Al. Relax. I just remembered. This sweet girl and I met late one night in a hotel hallway when I helped her get her key in her door. And I was so overcome by her charm I then fell down the stairs.”
“I don’t want to hear any more, you hear me.”
“Hey Al, it’s a joke. I’m joking. All it was. We met for a split second when this really sweet girl picked me up when I fell down the stairs of an office building. She dropped her whole file of papers to assist me. I even have her telephone number.”
“You what.”
“Relax again Al. I got her number so I could sue and have a witness. Al you really are jumpy.”
Al placing Schultz to sit between two investors’ wives. As he himself sat readjusting his bowtie and licking his lips between taking in big lungfuls of air. Just as a waiter leaned over him and said he was urgently wanted on the phone. Al popping a pill into his mouth, slowly making his way past his guests and out into the hall. Schultz reaching to ferry a grapy delicious champagne to his lips as one of the investors’ wives pressed her big tit into his elbow. And then leaned close to whisper breathingly upon his neck.
“Mr. Schultz where ever did you find such a magnificent singer like Mr. Magillacurdy. He’s so utterly wonderful.”
“In a cemetery.”
“I see. You’re hinting you do not want to continue this conversation.”
“Madam believe me. That’s where I found him.”
“O very well then I can see you can’t talk seriously.”
Al returning into the room. And now puce faced and fuming. Reaching behind his dinner jacket as if to hike up his trousers. Signalling with an angrily beckoning finger for Schultz to leave the table.
“So Al, so now what’s wrong.”
“So I ask where is your wife. And you say you don’t know or maybe you just don’t care.”
“How should I know Al. She vanished.”
“Well I just come from talking to her on the phone.”
“So where is she.”
“She is at your house attended by doctors.”
“Doctors.”
“Yes doctors. With her mother also having to recuperate after her shock tonight in the theatre.”
“That fucking walrus.”
“Never mind the name calling. I just can’t believe it. You attacked a woman again who is your wife now. Up to your old tricks hitting defenceless women.”
“Defenceless. She tried to scratch my eyes out.”
“What kind of excuse is that. You could run.”
“What you don’t know Al is that you have teamed me up with a ferocious tiger. And now her mother. Right in my house now. Which like the seat in the theatre it would take two bulldozers to shove her out.”
“Mrs. Prune in her present nervous condition couldn’t climb all those flights of stairs up to her flat.”
“So she goes climbing the steps up into my house. Jesus Al think of my nervous condition once in a while will you. And I’m going back to sit down and eat in peace if you don’t mind.”
Schultz about to slice through a big thick juicy filet mignon arrived in its chive and butter melted yumminess. Surrounded by creamed spinach and mushrooms. The soul soothing Clos de Tart tasting on his palate. As two dark suited gentlemen entered the restaurant and approached the table. One tapping Schultz on the shoulder who turned with his mouth full chewing, looking up.
“Mr. Schultz I’m afraid I must ask you to accompany me please.”
“What for.”
“It’s a private matter sir you may prefer to discuss elsewhere.”
Schultz sitting in the upstairs of a police station beside a desk. A shirt sleeved constable at a typewriter.
“Well sir it happens in the best of families. But it is an assault occasioning actual bodily harm committed upon your wife Mrs. Schultz and accordingly you’ve been charged.”
“I was protecting myself. It was only a love tap I gave her on the cheek.”
“Well sir, I understand. But you admit you did hit her.”
“Shit I wish to hell now I broke her fucking ass permanently forever.”
Schultz handing over his valuables and led to a cell. The door clanging closed. The tan tiled walls. A shelf to lie on. On opening nights of all nights. Who would believe it. Jesus even my first production. Which I thought had it’s bad moments with mayhem galore. Didn’t end up in incarceration. Even when all living hell broke loose way before the final curtain. With hissing, booing and catcalling. And there I was sitting in the audience so terrified by the unified, unanimous response raging around me that I became the most audible of the demonstrators. Even shouting and shaking my fist at the scared shitless actors on the stage. The courageous author with such volcanic discourtesy erupting, had already beat it back to Fulham somewhere with his prick trembling between his legs. Shit I thought if they hate it that much, why not attract the international press and start a wholesale riot. Which Jesus was already started. And attracted the flinging of anything that wasn’t screwed down including a few of the looser seats. With people even jumping up on stage to wreck the scenery, busting everything. I had to accept that the whole audience had stood up to humiliate me so why not join in. I jammed ice cream down a lady’s back who was trying to steal a prop off the stage. You think that if you apprentice through such moments like that, that never never again could anything be worse. But now here I am on a night like this. Arrested. My teeth dragged out of the most delicious filet mignon I’ve had for years. To go sit on a bare mattress. In a cell. Locked behind bars.