“I know honey. But I’m right here freezing.”
“Someone could suddenly come.”
“Key’s in the door. I’ll lock it. Please honey. No shit. I really need to be saved at this moment. If you really are a friend of Pricilla’s here’s a time you could really help her by helping her husband, who needs it. What about it. Come on. You’re a girl of impeccable theatrical taste.”
“Wow. You can lay it on thick can’t you. I just know I shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Christ Eskimos do this all the time and nobody gets upset.”
“I don’t have any clothes on.”
“That’s O.K. honey, I won’t in a second have any on either.”
“Please, you mustn’t. Please don’t. She’s my only real close friend.”
“Honey, easy. Don’t worry. Just lift up the blanket like this. Look. See how easy and harmless it is.”
“O god.”
“See, I just slip in. Jesus, you have no idea what this is doing for me at this moment.”
“For me at this moment, it’s giving me goose pimples. I’m terrified. Don’t you understand. Pricilla and I were at convent school together.”
“Honey. Just close your mind to the past for awhile. See, lots of room. Not even touching. I just lie here. Hurting nobody.”
“We were confirmed together. Went to our first dances together. Rode together. Took holidays together. Shared our secrets.”
“Well here’s a secret you won’t have to share. It’ll make a change.”
“Don’t you know how close as friends two girls can be.”
“Sure. And as the husband of one of you, I could cement you two even closer. Jesus you looked good tonight.”
“Did you see me.”
“Sure I drank you in. In long ecstatic swallows. Stunning dress.”
“Did you really see me.”
“Sure. Your dress was a gorgeous satiny green. Who’s the guy with you.”
“O him. Just a stockbroker who’s been dating me.”
“Say no more honey. I heard how you’ve been chased ragged all over town by all those English creeps.”
“Some of them are extremely nice.”
“What’s that.”
“What honey.”
“There.”
“Just my knee. Is it bothering you.”
“No. Not yet anyway.”
“You know Agnes. I’ve never so suddenly ever felt better in my life. Usually as I’m lying here like this the ceiling or something has already fallen on me.”
“You’re a funny person aren’t you. I never thought Pricilla would ever in a million years marry anyone like you.”
“Hey what’s wrong with me.”
“Can I be truthful.”
“Sure honey. What’s wrong with me.”
“Well everything if I’m being honest. I nearly died when I saw you. Her description of you in her letters. As if you were this golden haired knight mounted on this white charger slaying dragons. Then when I met you I nearly burst out laughing. Pricilla has had the pick of men all her life, anybody she wanted. You’ll never believe this but her mother was once one of the most beautiful women in Argentina. And Pricilla just like her, has had only to flick her eyelashes and men were grovelling at her feet. Handsome polo players, Italian princes, tycoons. That’s why I flew all the way here. I thought, my god, Pricilla must have found the most fantastic man of all time. I even, I must confess on the way, hoped you’d break up or something, so I’d have a chance. Then when, there you were. I could see, that love, is absolutely blind. Sorry if I make you seem like such a disappointment. I don’t mean it that way at all. I mean you must have much deeper qualities that aren’t apparent. It’s not that you’re a phoney. O dear. I’m saying too much. Now you’re silent. I’ve hurt your feelings.”
“No honey you numbed them a little. It’ll be a help when I’m standing in front of a judge in a few hours. But between now and then I hope the fucking christ I hear something from somebody that can make me feel I justify my god damn existence.”
“O dear. You’re angry.”
“Honey I’ll tell you one thing that I really am. Right now lying here listening to you. I’m so horny and so dying to fuck you into the next century and centuries beyond, that anything you say only makes me want to fuck you even more.”
“O god.”
“What’s the matter, honey.”
“I don’t know.”
“You want me to get out.”
“No.”
“What do you want me to do.”
“Lock the door.”
“No problem.”
Schultz twisting the key. Returning to bed. Only slightly spraining one ankle stepping on the one lost shoe. Snaking in between the sheets. Rolling over into the arms of this armful. What a change of scenery grabbing these cornucopious bosoms. Locked sweet and delicious mouth to mouth. Honey this golden knight may not be golden and may not be slaying dragons. But he is going to fuck you with such compassion you didn’t know existed. And honey, by the way you’re squirming around like a live Prague Christmas carp, you’re going to do the same. My god. My Czech grandfather. Thanks for the big prick you bequeathed me. To plant in this joy toy. Who is everything I need at this moment. Her spine bones are just the most perfect keyboard for playing diminuendo crescendo of the nervous chord. Wish I could have seen with my bare eyes the gorgeous arse of this creature. With two handfuls already, my fingers are crying out for an extra helping. Just when I was suddenly feeling like an old dog who is petted no more, mangy and kicked in the teeth, here I am climbing up to go to sleep drowsily on a cloud. After a good fuck first. When ten minutes ago I thought I would have to end up letting my curls and whiskers grow. Go black hatted in a long black coat along a jammed packed Forty Seventh Street. Wearing ten pairs of eye glasses to see gems I’m blinded by all day long. Uncle Werb trying to teach me fucking Yiddish and Czech like my grandfather spoke in Prague. And now Jesus with a nectar flowing cunt, this is suddenly the garden of Eden after Adam and Eve have left. I got to taste this unforbidden fruit. Gripped right around my finger. A fucking miracle down there. Demanding insatiable investigation by all the senses. If only screwing women did not result later in my getting fucked in so many other disastrous ways. Nearly ruining my appetite for evermore. Except wow. To kiss, lips smacking, this real honey. Seeping from soft silky thighs spread wide. Conjuring hope to arise from the forlorn vistas of my life. This sure is an opening night at last. Just like no time is the perfect time for a producton. Everytime is the right time to fuck. Keeps me sane in this theatrical life which is too sparsely filled with infrequent peaks of ecstatic joy popping up isolated in a vast sea of tortuous uncertainty. But honey. This is one of the peaks. From which the prick of yours truly will salvo. Into this body you got which ought to go touring on stage in my private life. God, please don’t make the show a flop. Let’s settle between us for a soft hit. In London anyway, no one will speak to you if you’re too successful. In New York no one will speak to you if you’re not. Honey you cunt. You miraculous cunt. You love it. Don’t you. Heaving in rapture. The state of unhappiness can become so familiar that you don’t dare embrace any moments of delight. Then you fucking well dare. Holy shit she fucks like a horse cantering on her pampas. Who designed her. To sprout out of those vast treeless plains. That was the only thing I ever learned about Argentina in high school. And honey since you come off those grasslands. I’m going there in a hurry for further education. Showbizz makes you when you’re happy very happy. And when you’re sad you’re suicidal. But this is catapulting straight into heaven in one nice easy plunge. The wealthiest guys in the world say that no matter how rich you get, you’ve got only one mouth to fill and one asshole to empty. But what they forgot to say is that Jesus you can have more than one cunt to eat. This is it. What women are really good for. To transport you in two seconds. On their soothing bed of flesh. From a bed of deep piercing cold nails. Into a whole new world of perfect comfort. Holy mackerel. She’s pulling me off by the hair. Away from her delicious pulsating snatch. Jesus don’t moan fuck me so loud. And honey don’t rush me. In a ten second count down I’m going to slam it in all way to the moon. Kiss me goodbye. Kiss me hello when we both weightless get there. Momma meeo. Her teeth sinking sucking in my neck. The green green eyes you got I kept looking at when I was undertaken to the Savoy for the post funeral celebration after the disaster of my wedding. This is the first thing good now that’s come out of it. With your hand around my balls. Tugging and squeezing away. And you’ll get every ounce, honey. You firecracker. You just explode my amazement. Maybe my indelible motto I was for a second thinking of abandoning, should remain absolutely the same. Don’t waste time with women you’re not fucking. Unless later that was exactly what all the wasted time was for in the beginning. Honey don’t squeeze and pull too hard. They’ll hear my balls ringing. With the bitch down there who eats like a cement mixer listening. Uncle Werb says there are over two thousand categories of diamonds. And for him I’ve got news. Uncle Werb believe me when I tell you, there are twice as many categories of cunts. And my prick is in one of the most delightful examples. Which Jesus is now going to make me come like Niagara Falls after a deluge. Momma meeo. Something fatal is happening. I’m coming. All over the world. How am I honey, ever ever going to do without you. After this I could happily drift into senile paralysed old age like Al. Who should at his time of life be leaving young girls to the young guys like me. To screw without having a heart valve blow out. Like I think mine nearly just did.