Though she was joking to herself, a shudder still passed through her at the thought. Still, she was raised not to lie.
“I don’t dislike him anymore,” she said.
“You are guarded, aren’t you, Rachel?”
What was she supposed to say to that? She picked up one of the small tea sandwiches and took a bite, thrilled when her stomach didn’t rebel as the salmon and watercress traveled down her throat. The last few days, she hadn’t felt a lick of morning sickness. She so hoped that she was over it.
“I just know I deserve to be in a relationship where the man wants me,” she said.
“I think you are good for my son. He needs a woman unafraid to stand up to him. The responsibilities of ruling a country can be taxing, and a confident woman he can share his worries with and hold tightly in his arms can make the difference between Adriane being a mediocre king and a great one.”
Rachel gazed at Adriane’s mother, pretty sure she’d just received a compliment. “But Adriane doesn’t love me. How can I help him do anything if he looks at me as only another one of his duties — as simply a responsibility he has because of my condition?”
Queen Octavia hesitated as she stared at Rachel, making her want to fidget in her seat. The woman’s piercing black eyes were enough to penetrate Rachel’s skin. But she was a Palazzo, and no Palazzo would cower, even before royalty.
“I think you would be surprised at how Adriane truly feels. You are a special woman, Rachel, and you carry my grandchildren, so I am very pleased with the way this relationship is progressing. Don’t underestimate the loyalty of my son. He will make a fine husband and father.”
“I’m sure he will, Queen Octavia. But I need to be loved,” Rachel said, almost pleading with the woman to understand.
“So you do love him?” she pressed.
As Rachel sat there, locked in this woman’s knowing glance, her stomach heaved. Her sickness came back with wrecking-ball force.
How could she possibly be in love with Adriane? Their relationship had started off as a brief no-strings affair between strangers, followed by three months with the two of them not seeing each other. Then he’d suddenly appeared in her life again, demanding marriage, kidnapping her, and then coldly “courting” her.
To have fallen in love with him was impossible.
But it seemed as if that had somehow happened.
Somewhere along the line, his moments of kindness, his softer smile, his loyalty and compassion for the people of his kingdom — all of it had added up to his winning her heart.
How could she have left herself so unprotected?
They’d boated around the island, with him pointing out the small fishing villages and independent landowners. He had driven her through the land, stopping in quaint towns where the people had rushed to visit their king. He’d talked to her for hours about his plans for the kingdom, and about what would be expected from her as queen.
She’d slowly fallen under his magical spell, and now she was apparently in love with a man who hadn’t made a single declaration of any emotion toward her beyond lust and duty.
This was going to end up hurting her— maybe inflicting a wound that was irreparable.
“Ah, it appears that you have deeper feelings for my son than you want to admit. I am pleased, Rachel, very pleased. I will leave you alone now to sort through your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today.”
Queen Octavia stood and quietly left the room. When Rachel was sitting glued to her chair several moments later, she realized she hadn’t said a word. She hadn’t even stood up when the queen had exited. That had been unpardonably rude.
Yet too lost in her thoughts to dwell on it, she finally rose and walked from the palace, her stomach still heaving. She had to get some fresh air, calm the churning within. It seemed the ocean was calling to her, for her feet moved that way of their own accord.
She needed to clear her head and figure out what she was going to say to Adriane. Should she tell him how she felt — see whether there was any chance of him loving her back?
Reaching the white sandy beaches, Rachel slipped off her shoes and walked on, anticipating the feel of the gentle waves splashing against her legs.
The clouds were rolling in, but far enough off in the distance that she wasn’t concerned. The fine sand squished between each toe soothed her as her mind continued racing with her newfound knowledge.
When she turned her head and saw Adriane walking toward her, she tensed, not ready for this talk with him, not sure of what she wanted to say to the man who had dominated her life over the past month — the past four months, in fact, if she went back to the beginning.
It was almost ironic that she would be realizing she was in love with him while standing on a beautiful beach. It was, after all, where their journey had begun. Of course that had been in another country, and at quite another time.
The wind blew his short black hair as he stepped closer, and his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners as he smiled her way. He looked relaxed and sure of himself, something she couldn’t say for herself right then.
When he reached her, he pulled her immediately into his arms, his skin warmed from the hot sun and easily heating her body as he held her close.
Rachel leaned against him, inhaling his all too familiar scent. What a handsome and dangerous man he’d turned out to be. Their thoughtless weeks together had altered the course of her life forever.
She closed her eyes as she remembered when she was seventeen and thought she was in love, and what her mother had said to her:
Never do anything irrevocable with a man you don’t want as your husband. You must be sure that you can live with yourself, and with him. It may seem like only a moment, but you will be forever locked to him — emotionally, physically, or even more.
Rachel hadn’t thought of those words for a long time. She hadn’t been able to go all the way with the boy she’d been dating back then, and she’d been grateful she hadn’t, because soon afterward, he’d broken up with her. That was when Rachel had found out he had two other girlfriends in neighboring towns. They’d been giving him what she hadn’t, all along.
She would have given her heart to him, along with her virginity, for nothing.
She probably would have been much wiser to take her mother’s advice the day she’d met Adriane. But nooo. She’d thought only of her own immediate pleasure. Now she was forever locked to Adriane, both because of the twins she carried and because of her love for him.
As Adriane leaned back and lifted her chin, she met his eyes before taking a moment to admire the strong shape of his high cheekbones, the perfect angle of his nose, the beauty of his tanned skin, and the sensuousness of his full lips.
He was beautiful, on the inside as well, she was discovering. He was just very good at hiding that man deep beneath a thick skin.
He was also a king. He would do his duty and marry her, but would he ever love her? Was he even capable of that? From the time he’d known he would one day rule Corythia, he’d been groomed to find a princess, marry her, and continue his royal line, as the kingdom expected.
Instead, he’d ended up with her.
How could they possibly have anything more than a marriage of convenience? Sure, he was most likely fated to a marriage of convenience, but at least if the woman was of royal blood, the royal lines would stay pure. Her children weren’t fully royal, not with her as a mother.
Before she was able to dwell too much on that thought, she began thinking again of their nights of lovemaking. He was a phenomenal lover, taking her to a new level of luxurious satisfaction each time he pleasured her body.