Jilly Cooper
SCORE!
To Ann Mills,
dearest of friends,
with love and gratitude.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
J
AMES
B
ENSON
A very smooth, extremely expensive private doctor.
B
ETTY
One of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.
T
EDDY
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s head gardener, renowned for his green fingers and wandering hands.
M
RS
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s long-suffering housekeeper.
M
R
B
ROWN
An Australian racehorse owner.
M
ISS
B
USSAGE
Rannaldini’s PA — a gorgon.
R
UPERT
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Multi-millionaire owner/trainer, ex-Olympic show jumper and Minister for Sport. Director of Venturer Television. Still Mecca for most women.
T
AGGIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
His adored second wife — an angel.
M
ARCUS
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s son by his first marriage, recent winner of the Appleton International piano competition.
T
ABITHA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Mistress of the Horse for
Don Carlos
Rupert’s estranged daughter from his rider.
X
AVIER
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son.
B
IANCA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian daughter.
E
DDIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s father, five times married and raring to go. A sexual buccaneer of the old school.
B
RUCE
C
ASSIDY
Belegauered press officer for
Don Carlos
Inevitably nicknamed ‘Hype-along’.
C
HLOE
C
ATFORD
Mellifluous mezzo soprano, and compilation queen. Sings Princess Eboli in
Don Carlos
Significant Other Woman in several marriages.
G
IUSEPPE
C
AVALLI
Capricious Italian bass, the ghost of the Emperor Charles V in
Don Carlos
The inamorato of Granville Hastings, he sings like an angel and drinks like a fish.
L
ADY
C
HISLEDON
A pillar of Paradise.
C
LIVE
Rannaldini’s sinister leatherclad henchman.
M
ISS
C
RICKLADE
Paradise village busybody.
H
OWIE
D
ENSTON
Artist’s agent and ghastly creep who runs London office of Shepherd Denston, toughest music agents in New York.
D
IZZY
Rupert Campbell-Black’s comely head groom.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
K
EVIN
F
ANSHAWE
Rutminster CID smoothie and new-style catcher of villains.
F
LORENCE
Hortense de Montigny’s ancient retainer.
C
HRISTY
F
OXE
Indefatigable PA during recording of
Don Carlos
.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
T
IMOTHY
G
ABLECROSS
Old-style catcher of villains.
B
ERNARD
G
UÉRIN
Battle-scarred veteran. First assistant director,
Don Carlos
, Tristan de Montigny’s
droit-
hand man, who acts as sergeant major keeping order on the set.
D
AME
H
ERMIONE
H
AREFIELD
World-famous diva and Rannaldini’s mistress. Seriously tiresome, brings out Crippen in all.
B
OB
H
AREFIELD
Her charming, mostly absentee husband, longterm lover of Meredith Whalen.
L
ITTLE
C
OSMO
H
AREFIELD
Hermione’s fiendish nine-year-old son. Could give lessons to Damien in
The Omen
.
E
ULALIA
H
ARRISON
A frumpy feature writer.
G
RANVILLE
‘G
RANNY
’ H
ASTINGS
English bass, singing the Grand Inquisitor in
Don Carlos
Outwardly cosy old pussy-cat.
L
YSANDER
H
AWKLEY
Formerly a man who made husbands jealous, now happily married to Rannaldini’s third wife Kitty. Rupert Campbell-Black’s assistant.
T
HE
R
EV
P
ERCIVAL
H
ILLARY
A portly parson, who confines his pastoral visits to drinks time.
G
EORGE
H
UNGERFORD
An extremely successful property developer, chief executive of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra. Live-in lover of Flora Seymour.
J
ANICE
Rannaldini’s head groom.
J
ESSICA
Ravishing production secretary,
Don Carlos
.
B
EATTIE
J
OHNSON
A seductive, totally unprincipled journalist.
S
EXTON
K
EMP
An extremely fly East End film producer. Chief Executive of Liberty Productions, who are making
Don Carlos
.
L
UCY
L
ATIMER
Make-up artist on
Don Carlos
Still centre and agony aunt to entire cast and crew.
C
LAUDINE
L
AUZERTE
Actress and Gallic goddess, married to a French government minister.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
L
IGHTFOOT
Eager young constable, traumatized by steamy stint at the 1991 Valhalla orgy.
I
SA
L
OVELL
A brilliant, obsessive jump jockey. A Heathcliff of the gallops.
J
AKE
L
OVELL
His father, ex-world show jumping champion. Now National Hunt trainer.
T
ORY
L
OVELL
Isa’s mother and Jake’s wife — loving and super-efficient, a hard act for a daughter-in-law to follow.
M
ARIA
An ace cook.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
D
EBBIE
M
ILLER
A pulchritudinous policewoman.
C
OLIN
M
ILTON
Once-great tenor now playing Count Lerma, the Spanish ambassador in
Don Carlos
Old sweetie, eminently bullyable.
É
TIENNE DE
M
ONTIGNY
France’s greatest painter and national hero.
A
LEXANDRE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s pompous eldest son, a judge.
H
ORTENSE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s sister — a blue-blooded battle-axe.