“She never took responsibility, you see, but it got worse after the baby was born. Mum said she stopped maturing.”
“To compensate herself?”
“No, to excuse herself.” She twined her fingers in the front of her dress.
“Children get away with behaving badly so Amber went on behaving like a child. She was never told off for getting pregnant. We were too afraid of how she would react.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“Mum had made up her mind to take her to a psychiatrist. She thought Amber had schizophrenia.” She sighed heavily.
“Then they were killed and it didn’t matter any more.”
Roz passed her a Kleenex and waited while she blew her nose.
“Why did she never behave badly at school?”
“She did,” said Olive flatly, ‘if people teased her or took her things without asking. I used to have to get quite angry to stop them doing it, but most of the time I made sure no one got on her bad side. She was a lovely person as long as she wasn’t crossed. Really,” she insisted, ‘a lovely person.”
“The two faces of Eve.”
“Mum certainly thought so.” She took the cigarette packet out of Roz’s open briefcase and stripped away the cellophane.
“I used to keep her with me when she wasn’t in class. She didn’t mind that. The older girls treated her like a pet and that made her feel special. She had no friends of her own age.” She pulled some cigarettes on to the table and selected one.
“How did she hold down a job? You weren’t there to protect her then.”
“She didn’t. She never lasted anywhere longer than a month.
Most of the time she stayed at home with Mum. She made Mum’s life a misery.”
“What about Glitzy?”
Olive struck a match and lit the cigarette.
“The same. She’d only done three weeks and she was already talking about leaving. There was some trouble with the other girls. Amber got one of them sacked or something. I can’t remember now.
Anyway, that’s when Mum said enough was enough, and she’d have to see a psychiatrist.”
Roz sat in thoughtful silence for some moments.
“I know who your lover was,” she said abruptly.
“I know that you spent Sundays at the Belvedere in Farraday Street and that you signed in as Mr. and Mrs. Lewis. I’ve had his photograph identified by the owner of the Belvedere and by the receptionist at Wells Fargo I think he abandoned you in a hotel the night of your birthday when you told him you had aborted his baby, and that he went straight to Leven Road to have it out with Amber and your mother whom he regarded as jointly responsible for the murder of the son or daughter he had always wanted. I think your father was out of the house that night and that the whole thing got out of hand. I think you came home a long time afterwards, discovered the bodies, and went to pieces because you thought it was all your fault.” She took one of Olive’s hands in hers again and squeezed it tightly.
Olive closed her eyes and wept quietly, her soft skin caressing Roz’s fingers.
“No,” she said at last, releasing the hand.
“It didn’t happen like that. I wish it had. At least I’d know then why I did what I did.” Her eyes were curiously unfocused as if they were turned inwards upon herself.
“We didn’t plan anything for my birthday,” she said.
“We couldn’t. It wasn’t a Sunday and Sundays were the only days we could ever be together. That was when his sister-in-law came over to give him some time away from his wife. They both thought he spent the day at the British Legion.” She smiled but there was no humour in it.
“Poor Edward. He was so afraid they’d find out and turn him off without a penny. It was her house and her money and it made him miserable. Puddleglum was such a good name for him, especially when he wore his silly wig. He looked just like a marsh wiggle out of Narnia, tall and skinny and hairy.” She sighed.
“It was supposed to be a disguise, you know, in case anyone saw him. To me, it just looked funny. I liked him much better bald.” She sighed again.
“The Silver Chair was Amber’s and my favourite book when we were children.”
Roz had guessed.
“And you signed in as Mr. and Mrs. Lewis because it was C. S. Lewis who wrote it. Were you afraid of Mrs. Clarke finding out, or your parents?”
“We were afraid of everyone but mostly of Amber. Jealousy was a disease with her.”
“Did she know about your abortion?”
Olive shook her head.
“Only my mother knew. I never told Edward and I certainly didn’t tell Amber. She was the only one who was allowed to have sex in our house.
She did, too. All the time. Mum had to force her to take the pill every night so she didn’t get pregnant again.” She pulled a long face.
“Mum was furious when I fell. We both knew Amber would go mad.”
“Is that why you had the abortion?”
“Probably. It seemed the only sensible solution at the time.
Iregretitnow.”
“You’ll have other chances.”
“I doubt it.”
“So what did happen that night?” asked Roz after a moment or two.
Olive stared at her unblinkingly through the smoke from her cigarette.
“Amber found the birthday present Edward had given me. It was well hidden but she used to pry into everything.” Her mouth twisted.
“I was always having to put things back that she’d taken. People thought I was the snooper.” She encircled her wrist with finger and thumb.
“It was an identity bracelet with a tiny silver-chair charm en it. He’d had the tag inscribed: U. R. N. A. R. N. LA. Do you get it? You are Narnia, Narnia being heaven.”
She smiled self-consciously.
“I thought it was wonderful.”
“He was very fond of you.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I made him feel young again.” Tears squeezed from between the bald lids.
“We really didn’t harm anyone, just conducted a quiet little affair now and then on Sundays which gave us both something to look forward to.”
The tears flowed down her cheeks.
“I wish I hadn’t done it now but it was nice to feel special. I never had before and I was so jealous of Amber. She had a lot of boyfriends.
She used to take them upstairs. Mum was too frightened of her to say anything.” She sobbed loudly.
“They always laughed at me. I hate being laughed at.”
What a dreadful household it must have been, thought Roz, with each one desperately seeking love but never finding it.
Would they have recognised it, anyway, if they had? She waited until Olive had composed herself a little.
“Did your mother know it was Edward?”
“No. I told her it was someone at work. We were very careful. Edward was my father’s best friend. It would have devastated everyone if they’d known what we were doing.” She fell silent.
“Well, of course, it did devastate them in the end.”
“They found out.”
The sad head nodded.
“Amber guessed the minute she found the bracelet. I should have known she would. Silver chair, Narnia. The bracelet had to be from Puddleglum.” She sucked in a lungful of smoke.
Roz watched her for a moment.
“What did she do?” she asked when Olive didn’t go on.
“What she always did when she was angry. Started a fight.
She kept pulling my hair, I remember that. And screaming. Mum and Dad had to tear us apart. I ended up in a tug of war with my father gripping my wrists and tugging one way while Amber tugged my hair the other. All hell broke loose then. She kept yelling that I was having an affair with Mr. Clarke.” She stared wretchedly at the table.
“My mother looked as’ if she was going to be sick nobody likes the idea of old men getting excited about young girls I used to see it in the eyes of the woman at the Belvedere.” She turned the cigarette in her fingers.