Sea of Poppies

'And why not?' said Neel, steeling himself for the affront that was sure to follow. 'Pray explain, Mr Burnham.'

'Why not?' Mr Burnham's eyebrows rose. 'Well, for the very good reason that everything you possess is paid for by opium – this budgerow, your houses, this food. Do you think you could afford any of this on the revenues of your estate and your half-starved coolie farmers? No, sir: it's opium that's given you all of this.'

'But I would not go to war for it, sir,' Neel said, in a tone that matched Mr Burnham's in its sharpness. 'And I do not believe the Empire will either. You must not imagine that I am unaware of the part that Parliament plays in your country.'

'Parliament?' Mr Burnham laughed. 'Parliament will not know of the war until it is over. Be assured, sir, that if such matters were left to Parliament there would be no Empire.'

'Hear, hear!' said Mr Doughty, raising his glass. 'Truer words were never spoken…'

He was interrupted by the arrival of the next course, the presentation of which had required the mobilization of much of the budgerow's crew. They arrived one by one, bearing brass bowls of rice, mutton, prawns, and an assortment of pickles and chutneys.

'Ah, at last – the karibat,' said Mr Doughty. 'Just in time too!' As the covers were removed from the dishes, he cast an anxious glance over the table. When he found what he was looking for, he pointed a jubilant finger in the direction of a brass bowl that was filled with spinach and tiny slivers of fish. 'Isn't that the famous Rascally chitchky of pollock-saug? Why, I do believe it is!'

The smells had no effect on Neel, who had been so deeply stung by Mr Burnham's remarks that all thought of food, as well as worms and chamber-pots, had been purged from his mind. 'You must not imagine, sir,' he said to Mr Burnham, 'that I am an ignorant native, to be spoken to like a child. If I may say so, your youthful Queen has no more loyal subject than myself, and none who is more keenly aware of the rights that are enjoyed by the people of Britain. Indeed I am thoroughly familiar, I might add, with the writings of Mr Hume, Mr Locke and Mr Hobbes.'

'Please do not speak to me, sir,' said Mr Burnham, in the chilly tone of a man who wishes to snub a name-dropper, 'of Mr Hume and Mr Locke. For I would have you know that I have been acquainted with them since they served on the Bengal Board of Revenue. I too have read every word they've written – even their report on sanitation. And as for Mr Hobbes, why I do believe I dined with him at my club just the other day.'

'Fine fellow, Hobbes,' Mr Doughty broke in suddenly. 'Got a seat on the Municipal Council now, if I'm not mistaken. Went pig-sticking with him once. The shikarees scared up an old sow and a brood of piglets. Came charging at us! Scared the Nick's knackers out of the horses. Old Hobbes was tossed – right on a little suckling. Dead on the spot. The piglet I mean. Hobbes was unscathed. Damnedest thing I ever saw. Made a fine roast too. Piglet I mean.'

Mr Doughty had not quite finished his tale when another distraction presented itself: a tinkling sound, like that of anklets, now made itself heard in the purdah-screened alcove behind Neel. Evidently Elokeshi and the girls had come to take a look at the dinner guests: there followed some whispering and shifting of feet as they took turns at the peep-holes, and then Neel heard Elokeshi's voice, rising in excitement. Eki-ré – look, look!

Shh! said Neel over his shoulder, but his warning went unheard.

Do you see the fat, old one? Elokeshi continued, whispering in loud and urgent Bengali. He came to me twenty years ago; I couldn't have been more than fifteen; oh the things he did, báp-ré! If I told you, you would die laughing…

Neel noticed now that a silence had fallen over the table: the experienced older men were staring studiedly at the ceiling or at the table – but Zachary was looking around in astonished inquiry. Even less than before, could Neel think of a way to explain the situation to the newcomer: how was he to be told that he was being observed, through chinks in a curtain, by four dancers? At a loss for something to say, Neel muttered an apology: 'Just the ladies-in-waiting. Passing some wind.'

Now Elokeshi lowered her voice, and despite himself, Neel strained to follow: No really… made me sit on his face… chhi, chhi!… and then licked there with his tongue… no silly, right there, yes… shejeki chatachati!… Oh what a licking! You'd think he was tasting a chutney…

'Hot cock and shittleteedee!' There was a crash as Mr Doughty sprang suddenly to his feet, knocking his chair over. 'Damned badzat pootlies. You think I don't samjo your bloody bucking? There's not a word of your black babble I don't understand. Call me a cunnylapper, would you? 'D rather bang the bishop than charter your chute. Licking, did you say? Here's my lattee to give you a licking…'

He began to advance on the alcove, with his cane upraised, but Mr Burnham jumped nimbly from his chair and headed him off. Zachary came quickly to his aid, and between the two of them they were able to get the pilot out of the sheeshmahal and on to the fore-deck, where they handed him over to Serang Ali and his team of lascars.

'Catchi too muchi shamshoo,' said Serang Ali matter-of-factly, as he took hold of the pilot's ankles. 'More better go sleep chop-chop.'

This did nothing to soothe Mr Doughty. As he was being wrestled into the jollyboat, his voice could be heard, railing: 'Hands off my gander!… Avast with your launderbuzzing!… or I'll stuff your laurels between your teeth… tear out your jaunties… chowder your chutes… damned luckerbaugs and wanderoos!… where's my dumbpoke and pollock-saug…?'

'How-fashion to chow-chow this-time?' scolded Serang Ali. 'Too muchi shamshoo hab got inside. Allo come topside, no?'

Leaving Zachary behind to restrain the pilot, Mr Burnham came back to the sheeshmahal, where Neel was still sitting at the head of the table, contemplating the ruins of the dinner: would the evening have taken such a turn if his father had been presiding over the table? He could not imagine that it would.

'Very sorry about that,' Mr Burnham said. 'Just had a nipperkin too much of shrob, our good Mr Doughty: a bit out of his altitude.'

'But it is I who should apologize,' said Neel. 'And surely you are not leaving already? The ladies have planned a nách.'

'Indeed?' said Mr Burnham. 'Well you must give them our apologies. I'm afraid I'm not up for that kind of thing.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Neel. 'Are you not feeling well? Did the food not agree with you?'

'The food was splendid,' said Mr Burnham gravely. 'But as for a nautch – you may be aware that I have certain responsibilities to my church. It is not my practice to participate in spectacles that are injurious to the dignity of the fairer sex.'