See all the worker ants, says Strabo. Starting their pleasant peasant days, serving their futile lords.
A bell jingles and Petey dodges as a bicyclist charges down the hill.
Bastard, says Fox. Don’t pedestrians have the right of way on the freaking sidewalk anymore?
He’s a wheeler-dealer, says Strabo. Hurrying to fuel himself on lattes and sushi before making his million-dollar deals. We, on the other hand, contribute nothing. We do not toil, neither do we sin. Society wouldn’t care if we were wiped off the face of the earth by our bicycling betters.
Don’t say that, says Petey, thinking of last night.
The biker parks his flashy white hybrid in front of a coffee shop.
See that? asks Fox.
Yeah, says Petey. Starbucks. Typical.
Get over that, will you? I meant Lance Armstrong there didn’t lock up.
I didn’t see that, says Petey.
You saw, lad, but you didn’t observe, says Strabo. The lock dangles helpless from the rear rack. The ship is unanchored, gentlemen. Shall we be pirates?
I dunno, says Petey.
I do, says Fox. I know a shop near Pioneer Square where they’d pay cash for that bike, no questions asked.
That’s the point, says Petey, shivering. We’re out of our territory.
Out of this city is where we need to be, says Strabo. With the sugar from Sugarman and the ransom from the bicycle we could journey to Everett or Tacoma. Stay incognito until this blows over.
It’s not gonna blow over, says Petey. That woman is dead. The cops won’t stop looking till they pin a tail on somebody.
There’s a cop by the Greek joint, says Fox. Let’s hang a left.
Thirty-Fifth Street is quieter.
Condos everywhere, says Fox. When did this neighborhood fill up with freaking condos?
Why can’t you swear like a normal person? asks Strabo.
Cause I was raised right.
Oh please, Foxy. You were raised by wolves, like Romulus and Rebus.
All these people going by, says Petey. They don’t even see us.
If they did, they’d call the fuzz.
And why not? asks Strabo. What purpose does the constabulary serve if not to protect good citizens from homeless riffraff?
They didn’t protect the girl last night, says Petey.
Something we have in common, dear boy.
We couldn’t stop them, says Petey. By the time we knew what was going on, it was too late.
You said they were up to no good, lad. You could have done something.
You didn’t either.
I’m not the hero, says Strabo. Just an old, old man.
You were scared, says Fox.
Damn right I was, says Petey. You saw Widmark’s face.
Widmark?
The blond one. He looked like Richard Widmark used to. And the dark one with the big puppy eyes looked like Sal Mineo.
You and your cinema worship, says Strabo. What a waste of brain cells.
Sounds like you’re queer for the shortie, says Fox.
I’m not… Damn! We gotta turn around. I’m not going under that bridge.
You’re a real head case, says Fox. Scared of cops, scared of bridges, scared of Starbucks.
I’m not scared of them. I just hate them.
A red PT Cruiser squeezes into a parking space, and a family of tourists pops out, covering their cameras with raincoats and umbrellas, all talking at once.
The daddy comes up, smiling.
Excuse me, is this where they keep the troll?
No, says Strabo. It’s where they keep the minotaur.
Shut up, mutters Petey. The troll’s under the black bridge over there.
That’s why he turned around, says Fox. Scared of the big bad troll.
The daddy frowns. I thought it was the Fremont troll. With a real Volkswagen in its hand?
That’s the one, says Petey.
But that’s the Aurora Bridge. Why isn’t it under the Fremont Bridge over there?
What do we look like, asks Fox, the freaking road department?
Daddy jerks back, as if he just got a better look-or smell. Let’s go, kids. The troll’s over here.
I hate this place, says Petey. What kind of sick mind would put a giant troll statue under a bridge?
Someone who doesn’t have much experience with monsters, says Strabo. There are enough real ones around without encouraging them with monuments.
Widmark and Mineo, says Petey. They were real ones.
Yeah, says Fox. You oughta tell the tourists what the movie stars did to their sister.
That girl was no tourist.
A deduction! How can you tell, maestro?
Fox picked up her address book, remember? All local names and numbers.
But she didn’t put her own name in it, says Fox. That was dumb.
I guess she knew where she lived.
Har har, says Fox. Petey the comic.
We should have helped her, says Strabo.
We couldn’t, says Petey.
In the long eye of the law, dear boy, silence breeds consent.
Now you’re a freaking attorney, says Fox. Oh crap. Look what’s around the corner.
Cops have gathered in force, surrounding the traffic island on 34th Street.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear, says Strabo. All the king’s prowl cars and all the king’s men.
They found her, says Petey.
She wasn’t exactly hidden, says Fox. Just lying behind the gray zombies.
Don’t be ignorant, says Strabo. That’s another of Fremont’s fine artworks. Waiting for the Interurban.
The six gray plaster figures are wearing T-shirts today. FREMONT MOISTURE FESTIVAL, reads one.
How did they get the shirts on with the cops around? asks Fox.
They couldn’t, says Petey. The shirts must have been there last night. But we were behind the statues and didn’t see them.
Another deduction, says Strabo.
Uniforms hustle around the statues and a small crowd has gathered on either side of 34th to stand in the drizzle and watch.
Are they looking at us? asks Petey.
It’s okay to watch the cops, says Fox. Everybody’s doing it.
A cat may look at a king, says Strabo. But curiosity kills them both. What killed Abby?
Nobody killed Abby, says Petey.
The young woman lying over there.
That’s not Abby, says Petey. You’re crazy.
I never met your dream girl, says Fox. But you said the chick last night looked like her. That’s why you had us chasing her all over Queen Anne.
Marching after her like a parade, agrees Strabo. But no one was there to help when the beasts attacked.
What are you looking at? Fox asks a sidewalk gawker. The show’s over there, jerk. Don’t look at me.
Now you’ve done it, says Petey. Let’s go.
Across the bridge of sighs?
Too visible, says Fox. Back up the avenue.
I want to get out of Fremont, mutters Petey. This is no place for us.
For Christ’s sake, don’t run, says Fox. In tourist land the three of us running is probable cause.
I used to live here, says Petey.
In the center of the universe, says Strabo. So says the sign, at any rate.
Hear the sirens? asks Fox. They’re taking her away. Finally.
Whoever she is, says Strabo, she’ll be a star now. Just like your cinematic friends.
Let’s get something to eat, suggests Fox. How about this bakery?
Look what’s in the window, says Petey.
Someone had put up photos from the Solstice Parade: giant puppets and naked bicyclists.
No wonder I went crazy. How could anybody stay sane in this place?
Abby did, says Strabo. That’s why she left.
All the food here is too goddamn healthy, says Fox. Let’s go to Starbucks.
Never, says Petey. I’m not giving those bastards one of my hard-earned dollars.
Hard-begged, says Strabo.
Same thing.
You’re not being rational, dear boy.
Har har.
You can’t blame a major corporation simply because your ex-wife married… What was he? A department head?