I know you enjoy going to church. I know it makes you happy. But I also think you have this unrealistic model in your head about what a ‘good Catholic girl’ is. Maybe you can talk to Sara about it. She was raised Catholic, so she understands the pressure you’re under better than I do.
“And just so you know, I don’t want you to give up your faith. I guess I hope you can find a way to enjoy it and accept that no one wants you to be a madonna on a pedestal. I certainly don’t. I want someone real, with flaws and everything. And if one of your flaws is that you like wild sex or kinky fantasies, that’s okay too.”
She snorted. “I bet it is!”
“Seriously. I see something in your eyes. I feel it when we kiss. You’re holding back and hiding a lot. Maybe because it scares you. Maybe because you think it’ll scare me. It won’t. Trust me.” I paused to let my words sink in.
“But that’s why I wanna take things slow,” I went on. “I don’t wanna rush and have sex before you’re ready. I may end up with a permanent case of blue balls, and we may have some misunderstandings and hurt feelings along the way, but I think you’re worth it. No pain, no gain. Right?
“So… that’s what I wanted to talk about. I know it’s a lot, but it’s really important to me. I’m sorry you have to deal with my baggage from Kendall.
You aren’t like her in one important way. You’re more honest with yourself, so you’re willing to change. Your Dying Replicant sculpture really convinced me. You had a good idea, but you changed it when it wasn’t exactly what you wanted.” I fell silent for a moment and stared at my hands.
“I guess I’m hoping I’m what you really want,” I said at last. “I know I’ll have to change too, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I mean, that’s what relationships are all about, right? Compromise.”
“I…” She cleared her throat. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything, I guess. But think about it. Talk to Wren. And maybe talk to Sara. She likes you, and I think she’ll give you honest advice.
And… one more thing.”
“What?”
“If you decide I’m full of crap and don’t know what I’m talking about, or you just don’t want to deal with my issues, or whatever… let me down easy, before I get my heart broken. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said softly.
I nodded once and then stood. On impulse I bent to kiss her cheek. I thought she might rebuff me, but she turned toward me instead.
The kiss was tender and affectionate, and it surprised us both.
“I’ll… I’ll think about what you said,” she said.
“Okay. And I’ll lay off the flirting and seduction for a while. We can just be friends. No matter what else happens, I hope we never lose that.”
She nodded.
“I’m gonna go for a run. Again. I’m still tired from the first one, but I need to think. And I’ll probably kick myself for screwing up what might’ve been a really good relationship while it lasted.”
“You didn’t screw it up. I just…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to think.”
“That makes two of us.”
Chapter 25
The phone rang later that afternoon. Wren and Trip had returned a couple of hours earlier and she answered it. She shouted up two flights of stairs, “Paul, phone!” I set aside my X-Acto knife and fitted the piece of foamcore to my model. She yelled again.
“Hold your horses!” I hollered back. “One minute. Take a damn message if it’s so urgent!”
Christy stuck her head into my studio. “Want me to see who it is?”
“Nah. I got it. Just needed to get this piece into place before the glue dries.” I tapped gently and slotted it into position. Then I wiped my hands on my rag. (I’d become obsessive about clean hands. You learn that lesson when you have to replace an entire wall section because you smudged it with dirty fingers. But again, I digress.)
I ran downstairs to my bedroom. I smiled and thought of Erin as I picked up the phone.
“I got it. Thanks.”
Wren hung up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Paul. It’s Mom.”
“Oh, hey! Sorry I haven’t called in a while. Been busy with a project. It’s due the week after Thanksgiving, and I still have a lot to do. It’s for Professor Joska, so I can’t wait to the last minute if I want an A.”
“When did my little boy become a grown-up?”
“I’ll let you know when it happens. Till then, I’m just a scared kid who doesn’t want to disappoint his elders.”
“So I’m your ‘elder’ now?”
“Technically, yes. But not in this case. The elder in question is Joska.” I did a credible imitation of his accent, “You’ll have to do better than that, Mr.
Hughes.” I shook my head in frustration. “Sometimes he drives me crazy, Mom. I swear to God, I think he makes up stuff to ding me on. ‘This line is too fuzzy, Mr. Hughes. Use harder lead. The grain in this wood looks like birch, not poplar. Your proportions are too much like Wright. They should invoke Hughes. Do not copy. Innovate!’”
She laughed. “Welcome to the real world.”
“Can I go back to being a kid again? I swear I’ll be good and clean my room.”
“Sorry. Nice try, though.”
“Yeah, I know. I just never realized it would be so hard.”
“It always is when you want to be the best.”
“Well, at least I’m doing okay on that score. I’m in the top of my class. I want to be number one, but the competition is pretty stiff.”
“I have faith in you.”
“Yeah, thanks. Love you too. Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t call to hear me complain. So, what’s up?”
“Can’t I call just to see how you’re doing?”
“Sure, you can. But we’re a ‘no news is good news’ family. So if you call, something’s up.”
She laughed. “Guilty as charged. It’s about Thanksgiving.”
“I’m still planning to come home the night before. Do you need my room for visitors or something? I can sleep on the couch.”
“Um… no. We’ve had a change of plans. We won’t be there.”
“Oh? Why not?”
“Well, we’ve been in touch with some old friends from our Navy days.”
I heard something in her voice. “By ‘friends’ do you mean friend-friends or special-friends?”
“The latter.”
“Got it.”
“They’ve invited us to come to Hawaii for a week. They have a timeshare, so it has to be the week of Thanksgiving.”
“Wow. So it’s that kind of vacation.”
“It is. We’ve gotten together with them a couple of times to see if the interest is still there, and it is.”
“So now you’re going to spend a week in Hawaii with them? Good for you. Have fun.”
“Are you okay with it? I know it’s the first Thanksgiving we haven’t been together as a family. But since you’re a functioning adult, and Erin shows every sign of becoming one, we thought… Well,” she finished with a laugh,
“you know what we thought.”
“So you and Erin are getting along better since the wedding?”
“Night and day,” Mom said. “I think she realized that having a mother who looks out for her isn’t always a bad thing. And I realized that maybe she isn’t so immature after all. She was in a tough spot and handled herself well.
Maybe she shouldn’t’ve been in the spot in the first place, but I was young once too, believe it or not. I’ve done a few dumb things in my life and had to talk my way out of them. Erin did okay.”
“Wow. Maybe you’re growing up too,” I said, only half joking.
“Had to happen sooner or later.”
I laughed. I’d said the same thing to Gina.