My father helped with the dishes. I rinsed them off, and he loaded them in the dishwasher. We barely said a word. My whole body was vibrating.
When the dishes were done, we just sort of turned and met each other's eyes. “So where're you staying? ” I asked.
“With an ex-cop buddy of mine, Ron Fazio. He used to be a district sergeant out in Sunset. He's got me on his couch.”
I washed out a pasta pot. “I have a couch,” I said.
Womans Murder Club 2 - Second Chance
Chapter 63
ALL THE FOLLOWING DAY we pounded on the list of names Warden Estes and his people had given us. Two we crossed off immediately. A computer check indicated they had become re-associated with the California penal system, currently residing in other institutions.
Something Weiscz had said the day before had stuck in my head.
“I gave you something,” I had said, as the convict raved about the white race.
“And I gave you something back,” he had replied. The words hung in my mind. They had first hit me at two in the morning, and I rolled back to sleep. They had accompanied me on my morning drive. And they were still with me now. I gave you something back."
I slipped my feet out of my pumps and stared out my window at the freeway ramp starting to back up with traffic. I tried to retrace my encounter with Weiscz.
He was an animal who never had a chance of seeing the light of day. Still, I felt there had almost been a moment with him, a bond. All he wanted in that hellhole was to see what he looked like. I gave you something back.
So what did he give me?
“You think I give a shit about your dead niggers?” he had seethed. “Long live Chimera,” he had hollered as they put him under.
Then, slowly, my mind settled on it.
“Maybe one of your own assholes has come to his senses. Maybe that's what it was, an inside job.” -
I didn't know if I had gone off the deep end or what. Was I reaching for something that wasn't there? Was Weiscz actually telling me something he could never be held accountable for?
An inside job... I dialed Estes at Pelican Bay. “Any of your inmates up there ever been an ex-cop?” I asked.
“A cop.” The warden paused.
“Yeah.” I explained why I wanted to know.
“Excuse my French,” Estes shot back, “but Weiscz was fucking with you. He was trying to get inside your head. The bastard hates cops.”
“You didn't answer my question, Warden.”
“A cop...?” Estes grunted a derisive snort.
"We had a bad narcotics inspector out of LA., Bellacora.
Shot three of his informants. But he was transferred out. To my knowledge, he's still in Fresno." I remembered reading about the Bellacora case. It was as dirty and low as law enforcement got.
“We had a customs inspector, Benes, who on the side was running a dope ring at San Diego Airport.”
“Anyone else?”
“No, not in my six years.”
“What about before that, Estes?”
He grunted impatiently. “How far back do you want me to go, Lieutenant?”
“How long has Weiscz been there?”
“Twelve years.”
“Then that's how far.”
It was clear the warden thought I was crazy. He hung up saying he would have to get back to me.
I put down the phone. This was wild - trusting Weiscz for anything. He hated cops. I was a cop. He probably hated women, too.
Suddenly, Karen, my secretary, burst in. She looked stunned. “Jill Bernhardt's assistant just called in. Ms. Bernhardt's collapsed.”
“Collapsed...?”
Karen nodded blankly. “She's bleeding. Upstairs. She needs you up there, now.”
Womans Murder Club 2 - Second Chance
Chapter 64
I RACED DOWN THE HALL to the elevator and then to Jill's office.
As I charged in, she was on the couch, reclined.
An EMS team, which had fortunately been at the morgue, was already there. There were towels, bloody towels, stuffed under her dark blue skirt. Her face was averted, but she looked as gray and listless and afraid as I had ever seen her.
In an instant, it was clear what had happened.
“Oh, Jill,” I said, kneeling beside her. “Oh, sweetie. I'm here.”
She smiled when she saw me, slightly wary and afraid.
Her normally sharp blue eyes reflected the color of dismal skies. “I lost it, Lindsay,” she said. “I should've quit work. I should've listened to them. To you. I thought I wanted the baby more than anything, but maybe I didn't. I lost it.”
“Oh, Jill.” I grasped her hand. “It wasn't you. Don't say that. This was medical. There was a chance of this. You knew that going in. There was always this risk.”
“It was me, Lindsay.” Her eyes suddenly welled with tears.
“I think I didn't want it badly enough.”
A female EMS tech asked me to step away, and they hooked Jill up to an IV line and a monitor. My heart went out to her. She was usually so strong and independent. But I had seen a transformation in her; she had looked forward to this baby so much. How did she deserve this?
“Where's Steve, Jill?” I leaned down to her.
She sucked in a breath. “Denver. April reached him. He's on his way back.”
Suddenly, Claire burst into the room. “I came as soon as I heard,” she said. She glanced worriedly at me, then asked the med tech, “What do you have?” She was told that Jill's vitals were good, but she'd lost a lot of blood. When Claire mentioned the baby the technician shook her head.
“Oh, honey,” Claire clasped Jill's hand, kneeling down.
“How're you feeling?”
Tears were running down Jill's face. “Oh, Claire, I lost it. I lost my baby.”
Claire stroked a curl of damp hair off Jill's forehead.
“You're going to be all right. Don't worry. We're going to take good care of you.”
“We have to move her now,” the EMS tech said. “Her doctor's been called. She's waiting for us at Cal Pacific.”
“We're going with you,” I said. “We're gonna be with you all the way.”
Jill forced a smile, then stiffened. “They're going to make me deliver, aren't they?”
“I don't think so,” Claire replied.
“I know they are.” Jill shook her head. She had more resolve than anyone I knew, but the scary truth forming in her eyes was something I'll remember the rest of my life.
The door opened, and another EMS tech wheeled in a gurney. “It's time to go,” said the woman who'd been working on her.
I bent down close to Jill. “We're going to be with you,” I said.
“Don't leave me,” she said, and held my hand.
“You can't get rid of us that easily.”
“Homicide Chicks, right?” Jill murmured with a tight smile.
They eased her onto the gurney. Claire and I helped. A bloody towel fell limply onto the floor of her spotless office.
“It's going to be a boy.” Jill whispered, letting out a pained breath. “I wanted a boy.” I guess I can admit it now."
I folded her hands gently on her lap.
“I just didn't want it badly enough,” Jill said, and then she finally started to sob and couldn't stop.
Womans Murder Club 2 - Second Chance
Chapter 65
WE RODE IN THE BACK of the EMS truck with Jill to the hospital, ran alongside the gurney as they wheeled her up to obstetrics, and waited as her doctors tried to save the child.
As they moved her into the OR,, she gripped my hand.
“They always seem to win,” she murmured. “No matter how many of these bastards you put away, they always find a way to win.”