Amelia had been abstracted during the meal and I thought she seemed nervous.
Then, as though bracing herself she said: “I have something to tell you. I didn’t want to mention it until I was absolutely sure. I am going to have a child.”
The silence was intense. I did not look at Aubrey but I was aware of him.
Amelia stumbled on: “Of course … it will make a difference. Stephen is so pleased. I think it has done him a lot of good.”
I cried: “Congratulations. You must be overjoyed. It is what you always wanted.”
She turned to me almost gratefully.
“I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought I was imagining it. I didn’t want to talk of it until I could be absolutely sure. But now the doctor has confirmed it.”
I got up and, going to her, embraced her. I was happy for her. She had moved me so deeply when she had told me of her longing for children and her disappointments. At the same time I guessed how Aubrey must be feeling. He seemed to have developed an obsession about the Minster since he had believed it was to be his. I wondered what was going on in his mind. For a few moments he appeared to be too stunned for speech.
I glanced at him expectantly and, as though with a great effort, he spoke.
“Well, I must add my congratulations to those of Susanna. When .?”
“It is only two months yet … I wanted to make absolutely sure before I mentioned it. There’s quite a long time to go, of course. I intend to take the greatest care this time. It’s like a miracle. After all my disappointments … and Stephen as he is … It will give me something to live for. I can’t tell you how I am feeling … but, of course, this will make changes for you …”
“Yes, indeed,” said Aubrey wryly.
“I do understand,” said Amelia.
“I’m sorry … in a way … and yet I find it hard to be because more than anything that is possible … I want this …”
I could see that Aubrey was grappling with his feelings. I said: “We should drink to a happy outcome.”
“I shall not drink any alcohol,” insisted Amelia.
“I am going to be so careful.”
“Then we will drink, Susanna and I,” said Aubrey, ‘to a happy outcome.”
Amelia could talk of nothing else.
“It’s a miracle,” she insisted again.
“It’s as though I have been compensated.”
“There are often compensations in life, I believe,” I agreed.
“It must have happened just before Stephen became so very ill, for there were occasions when he really was quite his old self. It is only recently that he has become so very ill.”
“I am so glad for you, Amelia.”
“I knew you would be. It’s different for Aubrey. You see, this is his home. I know what he is feeling now.. but Stephen is so happy because his son will be the next master of Minster St. Clare … or his daughter its mistress.”
She said she was going to watch every step she took. She would consult the doctor and follow his advice in every way. There should not be another mishap.
Aubrey gave vent to his disappointment when we were alone. He was bitter.
“To think that this could happen! Do you believe that Stephen could conceive a child?”
“He has. Amelia says there have been periods when he has been quite well. It is only in the last month that he has been so very ill.”
“She would say that, wouldn’t she?”
“What are you suggesting.. , that this child is not Stephen’s? Oh, Aubrey!”
“Why not? It’s a desperate situation, it’s a way for her to keep her hold on everything.”
I looked at him in horror.
“How can you say such a thing … of Amelia!”
“Because it could very well be.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Do you realize what a difference this is going to make to us?”
“I hadn’t thought much about that.”
His exasperation was apparent.
“My brother will want me to stay here.
I’ll be a sort of regent until the child is of age. A guardian to this infant who will one day wear the crown. “
“Well, why not?”
He looked at me almost with dislike.
“Don’t you understand?”
“Of course I understand.”
“You won’t be mistress of your own house. Amelia will be that. Can’t you see?”
“If we stay here I shall be content. I am really fond of Amelia. We’ve become friends.”
He turned away impatiently. He looked peevish, as a child does who has had a toy snatched away from him. I felt tender towards him. I felt I had to soothe him.
I said: “It will be all right, Aubrey. We’ll be together. That’s the important thing. It’s relationships that count … not houses.”
He smiled at me faintly.
“You’re a good girl, Susanna. I suppose I am lucky, aren’t I?”
I said that I hoped he was. I hoped that we both were.
Aubrey seemed to have dismissed his disappointment from his mind. He hardly mentioned it. Instead we made plans for our wedding.
“It must be as soon as possible,” said Aubrey; and I was delighted by his impatience.
I had first fallen in love with him because he was good-looking, charming, and seemed so knowledgeable of the world, without really knowing much else about him. I suppose those were qualities which would appeal to a young girl who had had little experience of life and men. Now I saw him differently. I could imagine him as a little boy, growing up in this wonderful old house. I saw him as rather lazy, not wanting to be burdened with responsibilities and yet not caring to take second place. Had he been a little jealous of his elder brother? Perhaps. That would be natural. Then he had gone away, travelled extensively, trying to make a life for himself. Being called back, realizing that he would one day inherit the family estate had changed him, made him realize how much he loved his old home.
Then, suddenly, when he had thought it was about to be his, another claimant was about to appear. I knew how deeply disappointed he was and that made him vulnerable and me very tender towards him.
I agreed that we should marry as soon as possible.
“This is hardly the place for a wedding,” he said.
“By the look of Stephen it seems more likely that we shall have a funeral.”
“Poor Stephen. I think he will now cling to life. He will want to see his child.”
“Perhaps.”
“My father says I should be married from the rectory. My uncle and aunt would like that and my uncle would officiate. After all, it was my home for a long time. I know my father would not want me to be married from a furnished house.”
“How soon?” asked Aubrey.
“Five weeks … six … two months.”
“The shorter period the better.”
“As soon as I return I will set everything in motion. I think I shall have to stay with Uncle James and Aunt Grace for a few weeks. They have to read the banns and so on. There will be a great deal to do and time will fly.”
“Then please set about it without delay.”
And that was what we arranged to do.
When I sat with Stephen again I thought he was much better. There was no doubt that the news of the coming child had acted like a tonic.
He spoke more clearly and there was a shine in his eyes.
“I’m glad you’re getting married soon,” he said.
“Aubrey needs you. Look after him.” I smiled and said I would. I guessed Stephen saw Aubrey as the young brother who had never been able to take care of himself.
It was the day before my departure. I had wandered out after luncheon.
I was fascinated by the grounds which surrounded the Minster. In them one would come upon relics of the old monastery quite unexpectedly a crumbling wall on which creeper was growing, paved stones among the grass a stump of something which might have been a column.