I thought he looked a little tired. Polly told me that he worked too hard. He brought papers home and long after she and Jane had retired he was shut up in his study.
I remonstrated with him about this and he replied that his reports and his work had become of great importance to him since he could no longer be active in the field, and a surfeit never hurt those who enjoyed it.
He wanted detailed accounts of everything that was happening. I told him of the pleasant part, but of course I had to mention the loss of Amelia’s baby; and he referred again to the attack on Aubrey in Venice.
“It’s an uneasy city,” he said.
“I don’t think the Austrians will hold on to it much longer. In such conditions violence invariably simmers under the surface. You should have chosen somewhere else for your honeymoon although I’ll admit you would have been hard pressed to find a more romantic spot.”
“By the way,” I said, ‘when I went shopping . “
“To good effect,” he said, glancing at the plaque on the wall, for we were in his study.
“Aubrey had called to see the Freelings - I was not eager to go and it was when he was leaving that he was attacked.”
“The Freelings …” said my father slowly.
“Yes. They happened to be on holiday in Venice. Apparently Captain Freeling had resigned from the army. I thought that was rather strange.”
My father was silent for a few moments, then he said: “Yes, I did hear something. There was some trouble.”
As he continued to hesitate I said impatiently: “Yes? What?”
“Well, it was rather secret, it seems. They didn’t want a fuss and scandal. Bad for the regiment and all that. He was forced to resign.”
“What had he done?”
“There was something about wild parties … taking native drugs and so on. Apparently there was a little community of participants. There was one other officer involved and some residents… not army personnel. So they couldn’t be touched. In any case it was decided it should not be given any publicity … because of the army, you see.
You know how these things get blown up in the press. We should have been hearing that the entire British army was taking drugs and indulging in orgies. “
“What a dreadful thing for Captain Freeling.”
“Secretly I think he was under the influence of his wife, a frivolous and rather silly woman, I always thought. Don’t mention this to anyone. Keep it in the family. These things have a way of seeping out.
Shouldn’t have mentioned it to you, even. But I know I can trust you to keep quiet. “
“Of course you can. What drugs were they? And you say some people were involved … not in the army.”
“Oh yes. There was a little gang of them. It was largely opium, I think. There’s some mysterious fellow, said to be writing a book about drugs or something. Interested in it all for research. He wasn’t there at the time but his name was mentioned.”
“What was his name?”
“Oh … I forget.”
My thoughts had gone back to that conversation with my ayah. What had she said about a man? A devil, she had called him.
“It’s dangerous to dabble in these things,” said my father.
“We couldn’t have one of our men … and someone in a responsible position … not that they are not all in responsible positions .. but these drugs it appears can make people act oddly and when they are under the influence of them they are capable of … just anything.”
I felt very uneasy and was almost on the point of telling my father of that nightmare experience when Aubrey had come home after the attack.
He had been to see the Freelings. I had found the purse in his pocket that purse for which the robbers were supposed to have attacked him.
Strange thoughts came into my mind vague, disturbing.
Perhaps if I had not been pregnant I should have considered them more closely; but a pregnant woman can be obsessed by only one thing: her coming baby. And I was certainly obsessed.
I made many purchases. My father insisted that I take either Jane or Polly with me when I went shopping. They were Londoners, he reminded me; and they had the Londoner’s shrewdness and knowledge of the dangers which could befall newcomers to the big city.
I quite enjoyed the company of both the girls and I had a good time getting together my layette.
I returned to Minster St. Clare refreshed. Only occasionally did I remember what I had heard of the Freelings and reminded myself of that terrible night. I suppose I did not want to probe, which was unlike me. Normally I should not have rested until I had unravelled the strange coincidence of Aubrey’s behaving so oddly after he had seen the Freelings who had been forced to leave India. But my thoughts were continually with the coming baby; and as Aubrey behaved impeccably as the devoted husband and the delighted faiher-to-be, it was easy to send all unpleasant thoughts to the back of my mind.
Aubrey was away from the Minster for most of the day and I really saw little of him. I had taken to retiring early, for I was very tired at the end of the day and was often asleep by the time he came to bed.
Amelia came back from her visit to her cousins the St. Clares, looking a great deal better.
“They were so kind to me,” she said.
“I always liked them. They used to visit us quite a lot. Stephen was fond of them.”
Later she said: “Susanna, I think I shall move from here. After all, there is no real place for me at the Minster now.”
“My dear Amelia, this is your home. What do you mean?”
“Only when I married Stephen did it become my home. Now he is dead and there is a new master and mistress of the house. You see what I mean.”
“No,” I said firmly.
“This is your home and always will be as long as you want it.”
“I know you say that sincerely, and when I go away I shall miss you.
We got on well from the beginning, didn’t we? It is just that I feel I could be happier . right away. There are too many memories here.
Stephen . all the children I’ve lost. I feel I should be wise to start afresh. “
“But where would you go?”
“I’m coming to that. There’s a little cottage in Somerset… very close to Jack and Dorothy. I had a look at it. The lady who owns it is joining her son and his wife in a few months’ time. She is going to live somewhere in the North, and she wants to sell it. Well, Susanna, I have offered to buy it.”
“Oh, Amelia, how I shall miss you!”
“You can come and stay. You and the child …”
A feeling of apprehension descended on me. I had not realized until that moment how very much I had missed her and had been looking forward to her return.
“Oh Susanna … I didn’t think you would mind so much!”
“I look on you as my friend.”
“I am and shall still be. It’s not so very far. We’ll write and visit.
Anyone would think I was going to the ends of the earth. “
“I liked to think of you … in the house.”
She smiled at me.
“I shall be here until the baby is born,” she said.
“I’ve promised myself that.”
“You shall be godmother.” She nodded. I think she was too moved to speak.
The months passed serenely. The first three were the most uncomfortable, I think. I felt queasy so often and spent much of those days in my bedroom.
Aubrey was self-effacing and I saw little of him, which pleased me. I fancied he found illness rather distasteful and I was glad to be left alone. I did not want to think of that vague connection between him and the Freelings. I believed that unpleasant thoughts might harm the baby.
Amelia was often with me. We sewed together and talked; we went for little walks in the gardens and she was always watchful that I should not be overtired. She was wonderful, taking a great delight in my condition, which was very noble of her, considering her own bitter disappointment.