“What nonsense! You will always be mine. And why shouldn’t I come to see you? I shall insist. I am the Colonel’s Lady now. I shall make the rules.”
“Not here,” she said.
“No … no … that not good.”
I did not pursue the subject because I thought there might be some absurd notion in her mind about the propriety of the Colonel’s daughter visiting her old nurse in another household.
Her dark eyes were soulful and prophetic.
“You will go away,” she said.
“I do not see you here … for long.”
“You’re wrong. I shall stay with my father. I have not come all this way to go home again almost immediately. Do you realize how far it is, dear Ayah, right across the seas? I shall stay here, and we shall meet often. It will be like the old days … or almost.”
She smiled.
“Yes … no sadness. Do not let us talk of partings. You have just come. It is a happy day.”
“That’s better,” I said; and I plunged into conversation which was punctuated with “Do you remember when …” And it was amazing how much of the past, which I thought I had forgotten, came back to me.
The children awoke and I was introduced to them. They were round-faced, chubby little creatures of about four and two, I guessed.
When I left them I went down to say goodbye to Mrs. Freeling.
She was sitting on a sofa and beside her was a young man. They rose as I entered.
“Oh, there you are,” said Mrs. Freeling.
“Miss Pleydell has been seeing her old ayah who happens to be mine now. Wasn’t that gracious of her!”
“It wasn’t,” I said.
“I happen to be very fond of her.”
“One is of one’s nanny. But I’m forgetting you don’t know each other.
This is Aubrey St. Clare. Aubrey, this is Miss Susanna Pleydell, the Colonel’s daughter. “
That was the first time I saw Aubrey, and I was immediately struck by his charm and good looks. He was about my height but then I was exceptionally tall. He had fair hair almost golden, vivid blue eyes, and his features were clear-cut.
He took my hand and pressed it firmly.
“What a pleasure to meet you!” he said.
“Do sit down. Miss Pleydell,” said Mrs. Freeling.
“You must have a drink. It’s a little early. But no matter. It is never really too early.”
I sat down beside him.
“You have just come back to India, I believe,” he said.
I explained.
“Fresh from school!” said Phyllis Freeling with a rather shrill, trilling laugh.
“Isn’t that exciting!”
“It must be,” he said, ‘to come back to India. Strange, exciting country, is it not. Miss Pleydell? “
I agreed that it was.
“Do you notice any changes?”
“I was so young when I went away ten years old, to be exact. I think I took a somewhat glamourized picture with me. Now I see it more as it really is.”
“Ah,” he said, ‘one of the penalties of growing up. “
I noticed that he was regarding me intently and I was pleasantly stimulated by his interest. I had known few young men only those who had lived in Humberston and friends of Uncle James and Aunt Grace. I had been very closely, though unobtrusively, guarded, I realized. Now I felt a certain freedom. Yes, I was now grown up. And it was exhilarating.
Aubrey St. Clare talked rather knowledgeably about India, which he appeared to know very well. I gathered he was not connected with the regiment. I wondered what he was doing in India but felt it would be impertinent to ask. Mrs. Freeling took charge of the conversation. I thought she was rather flirtatious with her visitor, and I wondered whether I thought so because I was still under the influence of the Humberston rectory where everything was conducted in a most conventional manner.
At length I said I must go and Aubrey St. Clare immediately rose and asked if he might take me home.
It was only a short way, I told him.
“Nevertheless …” he began, and Mrs. Freeling added: “Oh yes, you should have an escort.”
I thanked her for her hospitality and left with Aubrey St. Clare.
As I came out of the bungalow I looked back and saw a flutter of curtains. Ayah was standing at the window. Did I imagine it or did she really look disturbed?
After that I saw a great deal of Aubrey St. Clare. I became fascinated and flattered because he paid so much attention to me. He was attentive to Phyllis Freeling, but that seemed different because she was married.
My father liked him and I think he was pleased for me to have an escort. I gathered that he would have preferred us to have been in England where I could have been launched into society in the conventional manner. He was eager for me to enjoy life and he regretted that he did not have more time to spend with me.
Aubrey was charming. He had a wonderful personality that could change and be different according to the people he was with.
With my father he was serious and talked about the problems of India; he told me about his travels round the world; he had been in Arabia; he had met people of many races; he found exploring different cultures fascinating and he had a vivid way of expressing himself; yet with Mrs. Freeling he could be extremely frivolous, being exactly the sort of man whom I was sure she would find attractive. It was a great gift.
He was becoming my constant companion. My father was ready to let me go into the bazaars with him, although I should not have been allowed to go by myself. Things were not quite what they had been when I was a child here, he told me. There were undercurrents of unrest. The regiment was on the alert.
Oh, nothing serious, he insisted. But the natives were unpredictable.
They did not reason in quite the same way as we did. Therefore he liked me to go where I wanted but in the company of a strong man.
They were pleasant days.
I saw my ayah several times, but she was always uneasy about my going to the Freeling bungalow. I suggested that she come to us. She did once or twice, but it was difficult for her to get away. I knew something was bothering her but I could not guess what; and to tell the truth I was so caught up in all that was going on, particularly with my new friend, that I did not pay as much attention to her as I would otherwise have done.
One day when we were in the garden under the apricot trees, one of the boys brought us a cooling drink and Aubrey said to me: “I shall have to be thinking of going home soon.”
I was dismayed. I had never thought of his leaving and I suddenly realized how much I had begun to depend on his companionship. I felt vaguely depressed.
“I have had grave news from home,” he went on.
“I am sorry.”
“So am I. It’s my brother my elder brother. He’s ill. In fact I believe he cannot live very long. It will make a great deal of difference to me.”
“You are very fond of him.”
“We have never been great friends. There are only two of us and we are so different. He inherited everything … quite a large estate.
Since he has no children I shall take over everything if he dies, which it now seems certain that he will before very long. I doubt he can last another year. “
“How distressing for you.”
“So … I should be there. Soon I shall have to be making plans to leave.”
“We shall miss you.”
He leaned towards me and, taking my hand, pressed it.
“I shall miss everyone … everything here … and particularly you.”
I felt excited. He had always implied that he admired me and I was aware of an attraction between us; but I felt myself to be such a novice in these matters and I was very uncertain of myself. All I knew was that I should be very sad when he went away.
He talked to me about his home. The estate was in Buckinghamshire. It had been in the family for centuries.