I read it through and through again.
I felt I needed something to lift me out of this emptiness, this feeling of living in limbo, this quiet uneventful way of life which had followed on those horrifying days at Scutari.
I knew that I should go to Kaiserwald.
I talked to Eliza about it but first I told her about Henrietta.
“You see,” I said, ‘it was Philippe after all. How wrong we were about Dr. Adair. “
“Well, she’s married this Philippe now.”
“You still think …”
“That she went to him first… Yes, I do. I think she went to him, and then got frightened and that Philippe came along and she took him as a way out.”
“Oh, Eliza, no! She would have told me.”
“Told you? When she knew the way you was about him?”
“What do you mean … how I was?”
“Well, it’s as plain as a pikestaff… to me.”
“You sometimes read something that’s not there, Eliza.”
“Not me. You wasn’t exactly indifferent to him, was you?”
“Nobody could be indifferent to him. Look at you. You’re not.”
“Oh, I see right through him, I do.”
“Don’t you think, Eliza, that sometimes you see something that isn’t there? You’ve taken a violent dislike to him.”
“I hate all men who do what he does to women, that’s what, I’ve seen too much of it. ^ome of them think we’re just there for their convenience. He’s one of them. I hate the lot of ‘em.”
“Well, let me tell you my piece of news. I’ve had an invitation to go to Germany.”
She was startled and I told her of the letter from the Head Deaconess.
“Well,” she said, ‘she must have thought something of you. Will you go? “
“It’s rather a pressing invitation.”
“You want to go, don’t you?”
“I’m getting restive here. Nothing happens. I thought we should go into nursing, but everything is so slow.”
“I feel the same.”
“Oh, Eliza, you’ve no idea how beautiful it is in the forest. There’s a strangeness about it. You can feel that the trolls and the giants and the people from the fairy stories are not far off. I’ve never known a place like it. Would you like to come with me?”
“I’m not asked.”
“The Head Deaconess doesn’t know you’re with me, that’s why. Henrietta went with me before. I don’t see why you shouldn’t come. You’re a nurse. You’d make yourself useful. It’s very hard work. She would be expecting Henrietta and you would come instead.”
“I’m used to the hard work.”
“It’s not as hard as Scutari, of course.”
“Do you think I could come?”
“Why not? Henrietta is invited. Why shouldn’t you come in her place.
Oh, Eliza, I am going to take you to Germany with me. “
Within a few days Eliza and I were on our way. I had had some difficulty in persuading her that she would be welcome there.
“After all,” I said, ‘the Head Deaconess is expecting me to take Henrietta and she would not want me to travel all that way alone.
Strictly between ourselves, you are a better nurse than Henrietta and that will interest them at Kaiserwald. “
In spite of her apprehension she was excited by the project.
The carriage was waiting for us when we reached the little station and I was immediately aware of the redolent smell of the pines as the mystic aura of the forest closed round me. I glanced at Eliza and saw that she was entranced and that the forest was beginning to cast its spell on her, too.
And there was Kaiserwald itself, and as the turrets and towers rose up before me memories came flooding back: Gerda the goose girl Klaus the pedlar; Frau Leiben. Poor Gerda, how ill she had been. But she had recovered and no doubt she was wiser now. All that had happened before I had met Damien Adair and my suspicions had rested on him.
How foolish that seemed now! But was it?
I must forget my Demon Doctor. I could not really be at peace until he was right out of my mind. But that was easier said than done. I must be sensible. The chances were that I should never see him again.
We were met by the same Deaconess who had greeted us when I had arrived with Henrietta the one who spoke a little English. She looked at Eliza with faint surprise and I told her that Miss Marlington was now married and that Eliza had come in her place. She nodded, and said that the Head Deaconess was awaiting my arrival and that I was requested to go to her as soon as I came.
We were taken at once to her room and she came to greet me with arms outstretched.
“Miss Pleydell, how delighted I am that you have come. It was good of you to give me such a quick response.”
“I was indeed honoured to be asked,” I replied.
“Miss Marlington is now married and not in England. This is Miss Eliza Flynn, who was nursing with me in the Crimea. I trust you do not mind.”
“Mind? I am delighted. Welcome, Miss Flynn. It is a pleasure to meet anyone who did such good work. We shall have much to talk of.”
She bade us sit down and went on: “You will have had so many experiences. There is going to be a change in hospitals and the care of the sick throughout the world. It seems that attention is at last being given to this important work … thanks to Miss Nightingale.”
“I believe that to be so,” I said.
“There are training schemes afoot.”
“And what are you doing now?”
“We are waiting, Eliza and I, to see what there will be for us.”
The Head Deaconess smiled from me to Eliza.
“You have worked together,” she said.
“Oh yes, and we hope to continue to do so. Eliza Miss Flynn is dedicated to nursing.”
“Yes,” said Eliza.
“I know it is what I want to do.”
“That is the spirit we need. And the nurse who came with you on your last visit, Miss Pleydell, is now married?”
“She is in Constantinople. She married a Frenchman connected with the French Legation out there.”
“Ah yes … our allies. A very pleasant personality but I do not think a dedicated nurse. It’s a hard profession, as you have had reason to know.”
“It is and all,” Eliza agreed.
“And we have to be devoted enough to accept hardships. I have arranged for you to have a room to yourselves. I dare say you would like to go to it now. We will talk more later.”
“Thank you,” I said; and the Deaconess who had received us when we arrived was summoned and showed us to the room.
It was very small resembling a cell. There were two beds in it, a chair and a cupboard and a small table. The walls were bare except for a crucifix.
“What a woman,” Eliza said, ‘and she runs this place! “
I nodded.
“Eliza, you don’t understand how honoured we are. A room to ourselves! Henrietta and I slept in a sort of dormitory, divided into cubicles. This is luxury.”
“It’s lovely,” said Eliza.
“Fancy running a place like this! I want to see the wards. I want to see how it’s done. And with that forest all round you and the trees and all that…”
“I’m glad you like it, Eliza. I’m glad you’ve come. She might have something to offer us. If she did … oh, but it’s early days yet.
Let’s wait and see. “
Later we talked again with the Head Deaconess. She questioned us at length about the methods used at Scutari. We told her of the horrendous lack of equipment, the diseases with which we had had to cope, and which had proved to be more disastrous than the wounds received in battle. She admitted that she was very concerned with sanitation and she believed that if it were not adequate it could be the major cause of death.