“How do you feel about that?”
“I hardly think it is what the Head Deaconess expected.”
“Well, it is not her concern, is it? It is you and I who have to satisfy ourselves. How do you feel about it? There is no need to ask.
You have a very expressive face. You always had. I remember well seeing the hatred and contempt in your eyes . on occasions. Here are the facts: you and I will be in this place tonight. alone. It is a very romantic spot. A hunting lodge in the heart of the forest. You think I am not to be trusted. I am some monster in whose company no respectable woman should be alone. Perhaps you are right. But let me set your mind at rest. If you wish it, I will tell Hans and the rest of them that we are not staying here after all. We will go on and find an inn, or if that goes beyond the bounds of propriety we will ride through the night back to Kaiserwald. There. The decision is yours.”
“How could we go now? They are preparing everything for us.”
“We could say we had made a change of plans. They are good servants who never question the eccentric behaviour of those in command. “
Frieda appeared with two cans of hot water. He talked to her for a few moments about her children the one she had and the one she was expecting. I thought how charming he could be at times.
Then we went up the staircase.
“The Oak Room is the best room,” he said, ‘so I will leave that to you.”
It was certainly delightful, with the fire now crackling away and the leaping flames throwing shadows round the room. Candles had been lighted. There was a big fourposter bed and in an alcove was a ewer and basin.
I washed in the hot water and tidied my hair.
After a while there was a knock on my door. I called “Come in’ and he came in. He had discarded his jacket, which showed his white silk shirt and full bishop sleeves. It was open at the neck.
“Ah,” he said, ‘you are ready. You must be hungry. I believe the food is waiting for us. We will eat downstairs. They are very unobtrusive.
Quite the best servants to have. “
Downstairs in that hall with its high ceiling and trophies on the walls guns and spears which had presumably been used throughout the ages a table was laid, and on it stood a tureen of soup from which the steam was rising.
There was wine on the table.
Else was standing there. She ladled out the soup and served us. Then she poured out the wine.
“It is the Grafs … from his own vineyards,” said Dr. Adair.
“He would never allow any but the best to be served to his guests. He says his grapes have a special quality.”
Else remarked that everything except the soup was cold. She had brought in the venison and bread; and there was apple pie to follow, and as that was cold she would leave us to our meal.
“Just leave when you have finished,” she said.
“I will clear all I away … later … so as not to disturb.”
“How thoughtful of you. Good night. Else.”
I said goodnight, too.
I was beginning to feel slightly intoxicated by the turn of events. He had planned this. I knew it and I could not help myself but I was elated. I felt alive, as I had not done, I realized now, since I had last seen him. It was no use my pretending. I wanted to be with him. I did not want to be practical, as Eliza wished me to be. I wanted to live every moment and not concern myself with common sense and the future and what was best for me. This was what I wanted and no one could excite me as he did. Life had been dull and serene for too long.
I wanted to live no matter what the consequences were.
He held the chair while I sat down; then he took his place opposite me. He lifted his glass.
“To us … and this night.”
I drank with him.
“Let us try the soup. I am sure it is excellent. Else is a very good cook. I have so much to say to you but first we should eat.”
“I am eager to hear what it is you have to say.”
He looked at me across the table.
“Candlelight is charming, do you not agree? How silent it is. Sometimes during the night one hears the sounds of the forest … the birds, the animals of the night. It can be fascinating.”
I scarcely tasted the soup. I was too excited to pay attention to food. I was asking myself what his intentions were . and in my heart, I knew.
He stood up and took my plate.
“You are playing the servant. What an unusual role for you.”
“This,” he replied, ‘is an unusual night. The venison would come from the forest. I am sure you will enjoy it. “
“Thank you. Do you hunt when you are here?”
“I am not a hunter … of animals. It is not an occupation which appeals to me. You know something of my interests. They do not include hunting.”
“You hunt… for information. You search for knowledge.”
“Well, I am a doctor. I am very interested, as you know, in the methods used around the world. You could say that is my hunting-ground.”
“I know.”
“There is a good deal of prejudice in our profession. I am a man who does not like to run along on the lines laid down for me. It has brought me criticism. not only from the members of my profession.”
“You mean your unorthodox methods have not always been approved of.”
He nodded and filled my glass.
“The Grafwill want to know if we appreciated his wine. He would be displeased if we did not do justice to it.”
“I do not care to drink a great deal.”
“Nor I. It dulls the senses. And that I should not want. Tonight I want to savour every moment.”
“What were you going to say to me?”
“Something which I think you know already. I have made a discovery.”
Oh? What is that? “
He looked at me steadily.
“That my life is very dull without you.”
I stared at him.
“You are not really surprised,” he said.
“You knew.”
I shook my head.
“You have just shown me that hospital, and you have hinted that I might be in charge of it. I thought that the reason for your interest.”
“Certainly that is not my intention.”
“But you have behaved …”
“I was setting the stage. I wanted to bring you here … right into the heart of the forest where we could be alone ,.. quite alone.”
I rose to my feet and he came to stand beside me. He put his arms about me.
“You must know how it is with us.”
Then he held me to him and kissed me . not once but many times. I felt dizzy with excitement. I thought: I don’t care. Even if it is just for tonight, I want to be here. I want to stay with him . If there is no more . I must be with him tonight.
He released me and I heard him laugh quietly. It was a laugh of triumph.
“You see how it is,” he said.
I looked at him helplessly.
“We were meant for each other,” he went on.
“We always knew it. You fought against it. You were determined to hate me. You couldn’t hate me so much … unless you loved me.”
I heard myself say: “I don’t know. I feel bewildered.”
“But in your heart you know. I love the red in your hair. It glows in candlelight, and your eyes are green … very green when you are happy. They are very green now.”
“Please,” I said.
“Shall we sit down?”
“And finish the meal? An excellent idea. There is the apple pie. We must not offend Else.”
I felt calmer. He was seated opposite, his eyes gleaming. They seemed dark and deep. I remembered how he had hypnotized William, and I felt I wanted to lose myself in those dark eyes. A voice within me was telling me to take care. He was a practised seducer. There would have been many occasions like this in his life. No doubt this was the way in which he always treated women with whom he wished to amuse himself for a little while. But I would not listen to that voice again. I had been lonely and sad too long.