“Yes, Eliza. I am very far gone.”
“He’s that sort of man. He only has to lift his finger and beckon.
That’s enough. You follow. “
“My dear Eliza, there are many things we cannot know about each other.
This is right for me. This is what I want more than anything. I am happy as I never thought to be. I can put my sadness behind me. He makes me feel alive . “
“For how long?”
“For the rest of our lives, Eliza. I am going to see that that is so.”
She sighed.
“Tell me more about this Rosenwald,” she said.
I would not allow Eliza’s implications of doom to depress me. I gave myself up to happiness. He had told the Head Deaconess that we should be leaving within the next few days, and that we were going to be married.
Her first thoughts were for Rosenwald.
“I had thought that perhaps Miss Pleydell… It would have been a challenge for her.”
“Indeed yes,” he said with a smile, ‘but she is taking up an even greater challenge. “
Eliza came with me when I took the riding habit back to Fraulein Kleber. As soon as we approached the house we heard sounds of shooting. She was still practising. I went round to the back of the barn. Several people were there.
“Oh, here you are, Fraulein Pleydell,” she said.
“And you’ve brought the habit back. Was it comfortable?”
“It was excellent. How can I thank you for being so kind?”
“By wishing me luck in the Schutzenfest.”
“Oh, I do, most heartily.”
“These are people from the neighbourhood. They’ll all be there for the Fest. I am lending them guns.”
“You seem to be the benefactress round here, lending people your possessions.”
“It is foolish in the case of the guns because these people will be my rivals.”
“I am sure you will excel them all.”
“If I don’t it won’t be for want of practice. You’d be surprised at the number of them who come to me, to practise. Well, I have my father’s guns and they might as well be put to some use. Come into the house and have a glass of wine.”
I thanked her and said I would not interrupt the practice; and in any case we had to get back to Kaiserwald. We were leaving in two days’ time.
“Well, I’m glad to have been of use.”
“Thank you so much, and may you hit the target every time.”
“What a friendly woman,” I said as we left; and Eliza agreed.
In my thoughts I had called him Dr. Damien the Demon Doctor. I told him that and he said: “Now I shall be Damien, the perfect husband.”
“We have to wait and see whether you earn that title. Now I shall just call you Damien.”
“I like the way you say it. You make it sound godlike.”
He complained that we could not be alone in the hospital. There was always someone to interrupt.
“That friend of yours, Big Eliza, clings like a leech. She breathes fire on me every time she sees me.”
“You are mixing similes and metaphors. Dragons breathe fire, not leeches.”
“She’s a very capable woman. She can make the transition from leech to dragon at the batting of an eyelid. Let’s go for a walk in the forest.
There we can make plans. Do you realize there is a lot to be settled yet? “
“Yes, I do.”
“We’ll go separately, otherwise we shall have Eliza trailing us. I’ll meet you in the clearing … say ten minutes.”
I agreed.
I shall never forget that afternoon. I had known disaster before but never anything so sudden. I had never before been plunged from the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair.
I left the hospital, light-hearted, engulfed in happiness. It had never occurred to me that anything could change so quickly.
I came to the clearing. He was already there. He saw me and as he started to hurry towards me, the shot rang out. I heard the loud report. I saw him, standing there for half a second, and then he slowly fell to the ground.
I dashed to him. There was blood everywhere. He was lying on the grass. I stared at him in horror. I heard myself murmur:
“Damien … dead.”
I knelt beside him.
“Damien,” I whispered. His eyes were closed and there was a terrible stillness about him.
I knew that I must take immediate action. I thought the bullet had entered his back. What we needed was a doctor . without delay.
I ran with all the speed I could muster, back to the hospital.
I was thankful for Dr. Kratz and Dr. Bruckner. They acted speedily and efficiently. A stretcher was brought out and Damien was carried to the hospital. It was a blessing that medical help was so near.
They were with him for a long time and I knew that he was seriously hurt.
I prayed; “Oh God, don’t let him die … not now … when we have just found each other. I could not bear that. I will do anything anything but don’t let him die.”
It was the incoherent prayer of a frightened woman flung from the pinnacle of happiness to the very nadir of despair.
I waited for the doctors to emerge. They had a certain respect for me and I knew they would tell me the truth.
“We have extracted the bullet,” they told me.
“He will recover?”
They were silent.
“Tell me. Tell me,” I cried.
“We do not know. It was his spine. It’s early days yet.”
“I shall nurse him,” I said.
“Yes … yes.”
“May I go to him?”
“He is not conscious.”
“Just to sit by him.”
They looked at each other and nodded.
So I went in and sat there. How different he looked! He was so pale; his deepset eyes were closed and his chiselled features looked more prominent. I had always seen him so vital. so much more alive than anyone I had known and now he looked . dead.
The Head Deaconess came in. She laid a hand on my shoulder. She said:
“It is better to leave him. He needs rest, and you need care, my child.” I turned to her with the misery in my eyes and she said: “We must pray that he will recover. He is a very strong man. He would always get his way and he very much wants to live now that you and he have made plans together.”
I let her lead me from the room. She took me to mine and made me lie on my bed.
Eliza came in.
She said to her: “Look after Miss Pleydell. She needs you.”
Eliza nodded.
How long the days seemed! How long the nights! I lay sleepless.
Eliza did not sleep either.
“Perhaps it was all for the best,” she said.
“Eliza,” I said, ‘if he dies I shall never be happy again. I have been so wretched, so immersed in my tragedy, I have brooded on the cruelty of life and I can now see that I magnified my troubles. I’ve grown away from that. He showed me how foolish I was. With him I could have become my true self again. If he does not recover, I have lost that chance. When he asked me to marry him I knew complete happiness. I want to be with him all the time. Do you understand that, Eliza? “
“I think I begin to.”
“He must get well. You and I will nurse him back to health. You will help me, Eliza?”
“Yes,” she said.
“I will help you.”
“Oh, thank you.”
“I thought you would have been happy in that house with Dr. Fenwick,” she said, ‘but I see now that this is the one you want. no matter what he is. “
“I’m glad you see that now, Eliza.”
In the morning I had an interview with the doctors. The news was heartening.
“We think there is a good chance of his recovery.”
I was overwhelmed with joy. Then I saw the glances pass between them.
“What is it?” I asked fearfully.
“We don’t know how it will be with him …if he recovers.”