One day.
So what was I waiting for? It was just a damn phone call.
An hour later, Will’s truck pulled up in front of the Café to drop Tracina off for the afternoon shift, which I had asked her to start a little early so I could attend Dauphine’s S.E.C.R.E.T. induction, scheduled that afternoon. Tracina waddled up the threshold. She was only four months pregnant, but I could tell she was going to be one of those pregnant women who gained weight only in the front. I ducked into the kitchen. Dammit. Call him. Now. I picked up the wall phone in the kitchen and dialed the number.
After five rings, he answered. Arrgh. Call him from home, I told myself, hanging up after his groggy “Hello.” I punched open the staff washroom door. Tracina was standing on a milk carton admiring her belly in the vanity mirror.
“This is new,” Tracina said, quite literally navel-gazing. “This line thing has a name. I can’t remember what it is. I’ll ask Will. He knows everything about pregnancy.”
“How are you feeling?”
That was the only thing I could ever think to ask her these days.
“The first three months were a bitch, but I’m heading into my second trimester and I’m feeling great now.”
“Someone came by to see you today. A Carson Johnstone or something,” I said, intentionally mangling his name while avoiding her eye contact. I handed her his card. “Big guy. Expensive suit.”
Tracina’s face tried very hard to stay placid. I whipped off my dirty T-shirt and pulled a clean one out of my locker. We faced each other, both in our bras.
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. I said you weren’t in.”
“What did he say? Did he say he was coming back?” She spoke slowly, but her voice was pitched high; she was either very happy or very sad. I couldn’t tell which.
“He just said, ‘Tell her Carr came by.’”
She blinked for several seconds, shook her head and then changed the subject back to me, her voice normal again.
“So, Cassie, how are you doing these days? We never get a chance to talk. It’s like we’re ships in the night or something.”
She was being friendly, eerily so.
“Fine. I’m fine. And you’re fine. And Will seems fine too, which is great. We’re all fine, I guess,” I said, reapplying deodorant.
“I guess we are. And you’re right, Will is super happy. That’s for sure. But he’s also very anxious about the baby. Worrying about my health. So much so he’s, like …” She stepped closer to me and lowered her voice, cupping her hand around her mouth. “He’s … afraid to have sex with me. I mean it’s not like we don’t have sex. We do. But not as much as I would like, and—”
“Okay!” I held up a hand to stop this information from coming any closer to my brain.
“He thinks it’s going to hurt the baby—”
“Whoa. I don’t need to know that either. I mean … he’s my boss.”
“But you’re my friend, Cassie. Friends tell each other everything,” she said, plucking her waitressing pouch off the top shelf of her locker.
Friends? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We were many things—colleagues, co-workers, rivals—but the last thing I ever would have expected was for Tracina to consider me a friend.
“Don’t friends keep each other’s secrets?” she went on, securing her pouch below her belly. “Sometimes my friends tell me other people’s secrets. But it’s by accident, of course. Have you ever done that?”
Her tone chilled me. Who were her friends? Angela Rejean and Kit DeMarco, to name a couple. They had danced together for several years in a row in Les Filles de Frenchmen Revue. I knew Kit babysat Tracina’s brother Trey now and again, and Angela offered to host Tracina’s baby shower. These three women had history. Lots of it. And though Kit, Angela and I shared S.E.C.R.E.T., who’s to say the bond Tracina shared with these woman was any less sacred?
Tracina cocked her head. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Cassie. What’s on your mind?”
Wanna know what’s on my mind? I wanted to scream. The endless ways in which I’d like your boyfriend to fuck me.
“Nothing.”
I applied some lip-gloss in the mirror next to her.
“Hot date?” she asked.
“Actually … yes,” I said, lying. But in a way not lying. I would call Mark. I would have a date with him. That wasn’t a lie.
“Ooh, with who?”
“Just some guy I met.”
“Anyone special?”
I thought for a second. “I don’t think so. But, you know, I might just fuck him anyway.”
And I left her alone in the washroom to pick her jaw up off the floor.
Why did I say that? Because I knew she’d tell Will. Hell, I wanted her to. And because sometimes you have to say things out loud to gather the gumption to go through with them.
The Coach House door was open. I tiptoed past the foyer into the reception area and found Danica on the phone. She covered the receiver with her hand.
“You’re early. Matilda’s at the Mansion, but she’ll be here in a minute. Go on in,” she whispered.
“Dauphine’s not here yet?”
“I’ll watch for her. A new girl! So exciting!”
The boardroom door was ajar so I slipped in and saw for the first time the mythical Fantasy Board, to which only the Committee was privy. It was usually kept hidden behind a sliding wall. But there it was in all its colorful glory. Some of the men’s names were struck out. Some I recognized. My heart sped up when I saw “Theo” on a purple card—my sexy French ski instructor—but there was a black slash through his name. There was also “Captain Archer,” the helicopter pilot who’d led me to “Jake,” the tugboat captain. Next to that was a card with “Captain Nathan” and a question mark; I didn’t recognize that name. I inched the board back a little more and saw more strange names, then two that made my heart feel like a deep bruise with a finger pushing on it, including ”Pierre Castille,” covered by an X. My fantasy with the Bayou Billionaire had been extraordinary. The Ball, that sexy limousine ride home; he was incredibly hot and so assured. But his attentions turned toxic after the burlesque show, when he just assumed I’d pick him over Will for my final fantasy. I figured the X meant the Committee had dumped him from the fantasy roster, something I would have suggested had I been asked.
But the other familiar name was Jesse, my third Step fantasy, and his card had a number two scrolled on it. Jesse! My sexy-as-hell, tattooed pastry chef. Had it been almost a year since he overcame me in the kitchen at the Café Rose? Each of the men I’d had sex with was amazing in his own right, but I had made a special connection with Jesse, one strong enough to almost cause me to quit my fantasies early for a chance to get to know him better. Matilda convinced me to stay in S.E.C.R.E.T., to push through. And though I was grateful in the end when Will and I tumbled into bed, now I wasn’t so sure I’d taken the right risk with the right man.
“Cassie!”
I almost leapt out of my skin at the sound of Matilda’s voice.