Her pulse leaped just thinking about it. She remembered the way he looked standing there naked, his hard body bathed in a shaft of moonlight streaming in through the window of his tiny room. She could see the wide bands of muscle across his chest and the sinews in his legs, remember the power and strength of him, pressing her down into the mattress.
Warm color rose in her cheeks as she thought of her response to his ardent lovemaking, like some wild creature freed at last from its bonds by the skill of his hands.
More disturbed than she wanted to be, Lee left the drawing room, escaping into the library for a moment's respite from the crowd, closing the tall, ornate doors behind her. She was sitting in the window seat, staring out at the garden when she heard a sound across the room.
"Vermillion?" The familiar voice drew her attention to the doorway. "What on earth are you doing in here by yourself? Everyone is looking for you." Her friend, Elizabeth Sorenson, stood framed in the opening.
"It's all right, Elizabeth. I just needed a moment alone. I'll return to the party in a moment."
Elizabeth surprised her by closing the tall doors behind her, the sound echoing into the quiet as the countess began to walk toward her.
"What is it, Lee?" she asked. "You haven't seemed yourself lately. Your aunt has been worried and so have I." With her short, curly black hair, slender build and long legs, Elizabeth's timeless beauty was marred only by the worry on her face.
Lee forced herself to smile. "Why in heaven's name would you be worried, Beth? I am perfectly fine."
"I realize your birthday is very near," Elizabeth said gently. "You've promised to choose a lover, but perhaps you are simply not ready."
Not ready? She wondered what the countess would say if she knew Lee had already chosen a lover, that even now she yearned for him, that she wanted him to make love to her again.
"It has to happen sooner or later," Lee said. "You know as well as I, marriage lies nowhere in my future. I said that I would choose and so I shall."
Elizabeth's frown only deepened. "There is certainly no rush. Aside from the fact you could start to live your life on your own terms, there is no real urgency. Gabriella knows how independent you are. She thought you would appreciate the chance to truly become your own person, but perhaps it would be better if—"
"If what, Beth?" She got up from the window seat and walked toward her friend. "Perhaps it would be better if I waded through another dozen men? If I attended another hundred of my aunt's tedious parties? In the end, the result would be the same."
"But surely—"
"I appreciate your concern, Beth, I truly do, but my aunt is right. It is time I made a life for myself and that is what I am going to do." She managed to muster a smile. "And it is also time I joined Aunt Gabriella and the rest of her guests."
"They are your guests, too, Lee. They are your friends as well as your aunt's."
"Are they?" She lifted her gaze to Elizabeth's lovely face. "Aside from you and a handful of others, most of them are people I scarcely know. They are here to be charmed by La Belle. As for Vermillion, she is merely a curiosity. They are fascinated by the mysterious persona my aunt has created. They have no desire to know the woman inside, the woman behind the mask she wears." Turning away, she started once more for the door.
"Dearest, wait—"
But Lee kept walking, out of the library and down the hall. She meant to return to the others—she truly did—but as she spotted Colonel Wingate striding down the hall in her direction, saw Andrew Mondale walking toward her the opposite way, she turned instead and hurried up the stairs.
"Vermillion, my beauty—where are you going?" Mondale's voice floated up behind her. "Come down and join the party."
Vermillion turned and smiled. "Shortly, Andrew, I promise." And she would, she told herself, in just a little while. Reaching the safety of her room, she closed the door and leaned against it. Her chest felt as if a boulder pressed upon it and her stomach felt queasy.
For the first time, she realized exactly how much trouble she had brought upon herself. "Oh, dear God—what am I going to do?" Tears burned her eyes. She had to go back downstairs, had to continue her charade—for her aunt and perhaps, as Aunt Gabby believed, for herself But after making love with Caleb, she was no longer certain she could continue in the role she so desperately needed to play.
Turning away from the door, she walked over to her rosewood dresser, poured water from the porcelain pitcher into the basin, and washed the rouge and rice powder from her cheeks. She wiped away the color on her lips and rang for Jeannie, who appeared in her bedchamber a few minutes later.
"Mon Dieu! What are you doing?"
"Help me get out of this, will you? I'm having trouble with the buttons."
Jeannie looked at her aghast, stunned by her freshly washed face and half-undressed appearance. "You cannot possibly mean to disrobe. The party… it is not yet midnight!"
"I don't care what time it is." She tried to reach the buttons at the back of the gown, determined now, desperate to escape. "I have to get out of here."
"Dieu du Ciel—you 'ave gone completely mad." But the slender woman stepped in and took charge, quickly dispatching the buttons and helping her slide out of the emerald silk gown. As soon as Lee was free of her garments, she went over to her armoire and pulled open the bottom drawer. A pair of men's breeches and a white linen shirt, carefully folded, lay on top. In minutes she was dressed and dragging on her riding boots.
"I cannot believe this," Jeannie grumbled as Lee pulled the pins from her hair and shook her head, unseating the heavy red curls. She quickly brushed them out, then clipped the curly mass back on the sides with little mother-of-pearl inlaid combs.
"Look at you. What if someone sees you? "
"No one is going to see me. I'm going down the back stairs." She turned, caught her friend's hand. "I need this, Jeannie. I have to get out of this place—just for a little while."
Her friend looked into her face. Whatever she saw made her eyes go wide. "Nom de Dieu! It is the man you spoke of. You 'ave given yourself to 'im!"
Lee glanced away, embarrassment only one of the dozen emotions she felt. "It doesn't matter. Nothing can change what's going to happen the night of my birthday."
"Oh, chérie, if I had believed making love with this man would make you so unhappy, I would 'ave begged you not to do it."
"I'll be all right, Jeannie. Women make love to men every day—no one knows that better than we do. I just need a little time to straighten things out in my head. The party will go on most of the night. I'll be back before it's over."
Jeannie said nothing and Lee turned away. Pausing at the bedchamber door, she checked to be certain no one was about, then hurried down the hall to the servants' stairs. Making her way out a little-used door leading into the garden, she raced off toward the stables.
The night was warm and clear, the moon shining down and lighting her way. Caleb would likely be in the stable and part of her desperately wanted to see him. Another, saner part never wanted to see him again.
A soft wind blew through the branches of the trees as she followed the path to the big stone building that housed Parklands' valuable Thoroughbreds. The lanterns had all been snuffed out, the grooms retired for the night.
Moving quietly, she disappeared into the darkness inside the barn and made her way along the row of stalls. Spotting Grand Coeur's gray head watching her over the top of stall, she grabbed a bridle off the rack and moved in the horse's direction. Coeur made a soft, nickering sound as she slipped the bridle over his ears and led him from his box.
The open fields beckoned. No one had seen her leave the house or discovered her in the stable. Not quite sure whether she was disappointed or relieved that Caleb hadn't appeared, she urged the horse out of the barn and into the pasture. As soon as they had traveled a safe distance away, she nudged Grand Coeur into a gallop.