“Fine. I’ll see you then.”
Edward hung up and felt better for the first time. He hoped it wasn’t too late for Emily—if he could find her—but at least he’d have a better understanding of how the submissive mind worked.
He returned to work and found another client letter on his desk. The new secretary had done better—this one only had two mistakes. Still, it was time he let her know what he expected of her. He called her in and waved the letter in the air.
“This kind of work is not acceptable,” he said in his best Dom voice. “I don’t know why no one seems to teach English anymore...”
Diane, her green eyes wide, burst into tears. Edward was caught off guard. “What-what?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Caudry! I’ll do better, I promise! Please don’t yell at me!” She turned and fled before he could say anything else. He stared after her as she ran down the corridor to the restroom.
He put in a call to Mrs. Dowd. “What in god’s name are you trying to do to me?”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“My new secretary—you didn’t know she was a crier?”
“Well, no, that sort of thing doesn’t usually show up during a job interview,” she said testily. “She came highly recommended. What did you do to her?”
“She can’t spell and when I tried to correct her, she burst into tears and ran away! How can I get my work done?”
“I’ll have a talk with her, Mr. Caudry. Please give her some time. You know how hard you are on secretaries.”
He hung up and sat down, mystified. This was going to be a disaster.
16
Edward knew why Paul had wanted to meet him at the club, rather than at his house. He didn’t want him to see Adriana and what she’d become. Edward could only imagine, if the glimpse he had of her last year was any indication. By now she’s probably some sort of mindless drone, covered with tattoos and piercings. And welts.
Paul hadn’t changed much. He was tall and quiet with a regal air about him that hinted at the strong Dom underneath. No wonder the girls fell for him. They love a mysterious man, Edward mused.
Paul rose to shake his hand and offered to buy Edward a drink. Since it was the least Paul could do for all the trauma he’d caused him, Edward accepted. They made small talk while waiting for their drinks to arrive and Edward purposely avoided any talk about Adriana. That was all in the past— Emily was in his future, he hoped.
“So, tell me what you’d like to know,” Paul said, sipping on his single-malt scotch, his eyes steady on Edward.
He wasn’t sure how much to reveal. He loathed telling Paul how he’d screwed up a good thing, but he knew he’d have to express his concerns about going too far and how to gauge a woman’s needs.
“This girl, Emily,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “She works for me. I’ve already determined that she’s submissive, but I worry about scaring her off. I mean, I know how to be a Dom and all, sort of, but I don’t always know how to read a woman.”
“Ah, that’s critical,” he said. “A Dom has to be like a concert pianist—too heavy on the keys and the audience cringes. Too light and they get bored.”
Edward’s mouth twitched, for he knew he had been too “light on the keys” where Adriana had been concerned. “Right—but how can you tell?”
“A lot of it is instinct. That’s not saying it can’t be taught, of course.” He paused. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on, hmm? I mean, we can talk for days about how to become a better Dom, but you clearly have a specific problem on your mind. Why don’t we just get to it?”
Edward took a deep breath. “Shit. Okay. This girl. I’m afraid I’ve already scared her off.” He described how he left her in his office naked to be found by the janitors and how she vanished the same night.
Paul, to his credit, didn’t deride him or make him feel any worse that he already did. “Okay, the first rule is, don’t leave your sub alone unless she’s in a protected environment. You weren’t there to save her, which made her feel abandoned. She could’ve been raped or murdered.”
“I know! I forgot about the janitors!”
“But except for that one mistake—and it was a big one!— you really must’ve been making some good progress. Tell me, how far along was she?”
Edward briefly described their little punishment sessions and how she seemed to be enjoying being his little sex slave. Paul seemed impressed.
“You do have a natural instinct. You just have to listen more and put yourself in her position. Subs really do have a lot more power than most Doms think. A Dom can only go as far as his sub is willing to go. Any further, you risk ruining the sexual anticipation. It crosses the line into fear—fear of discovery, as in your case, or, what’s worse, fear of the Dom himself.”
“I hope she hasn’t gotten to that point yet.”
“I don’t know. To leave town does indicate some level of fear of you. She felt betrayed, especially when you said you’d be back with her clothes and then failed to show. She lost her trust.”
“I’m hoping I can get it back.”
“You have to find her first, right?”
“I’m looking for her.”
“My advice? Don’t rush things. Take it slow. She may want to run when she sees you—or she may be happy to see you. But you have to be sincere in your apology. You could ruin it by trying to Dom her in that situation. You could tell her you made a mistake and that it won’t happen again. But you have to let her come to you—you can’t force her to return. You can only encourage her.”
Edward nodded. “You make it sound so easy.”
“At this point, it’s not. What could be going on is her internal struggle—all submissives have them, of course. They want the life but it scares them. They go back and forth and a good Dom will ease them into it until it feels right.” He caught Edward’s expression and hurried on. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. We all make mistakes in this way. Me too, by the way. I’ve scared off a few girls, early on.”
“Really?” Edward was pleasantly surprised to hear Paul’s admission.
“Yes. My guess is Emily had been trying to decide if she should be allowing this treatment by you, even though it excited her tremendously. This gaffe of yours triggered her conscience and told her what she was doing was not only wrong, but dangerous. So she ran.”
Edward nodded. “Yeah. Do you think she might come back, assuming I can find her?”
“Can’t say. It depends on her internal dialogue. Seeing you will no doubt stir up emotions. Fear, certainly. And shame. But it also will probably trigger love and need. She wants the life, even though it frightens her. You have to remember not to force anything. That will make her decision easy—she’ll reject you.”
“All right. So when I find her, I just talk. I get that. But when does the talking stop and the Domming begin? I mean, how will I know when the time is right to get back on track?”
“Observation. That’s the best way I can advise you. Just observe her. Take it slow. Introduce some games into the mix and see how she reacts. But above all, protect her. Don’t leave her vulnerable.”
Edward finished his drink and stood. “Thanks, Paul.”
He stood and shook Edward’s hand. “I must say, I was surprised to hear from you and not have it be all about Adriana.”
“Now that you’ve brought it up, how is she?”
“She’s good. She seems to be enjoying herself.”
Edward didn’t want to ask more. He said his goodbyes and left, his mind in turmoil. It had been good advice, but he had to find Emily before anything could be done to fix their relationship.
17
Two months passed, months that only sent Edward deeper into despair. Diane quit and was replaced by Susie. Edward was no more encouraged by Susie, although she was at least competent, but definitely not submissive. He tested her early on and from her defiant expression, he could tell she considered herself a strong woman who would take no guff from her boss. Rather than have her replaced with another incompetent, Edward tolerated her while he continued his search for Emily.