An hour later, I called B. I felt a little bit nauseated. I just needed to make this call, like a normal person. Like a girl calling her best friend. No big deal. Then why were my hands shaking?
“Hey, Casey,” she said.
“Hey, B. Are you busy?”
“Uh, actually, I am,” she said. “Wesley just picked me up. We’re on our way to his sister’s piano recital.”
“Oh.”
“Can I call you back?”
“Yeah. Of course. Talk to you later.”
I hung up, feeling relieved and wishing I didn’t. B forgot to call me back. I never got up the nerve to dial her number again. Not that night. Or the next. I’d made myself almost sick with nerves. I wasn’t even sure what she’d do when she found out—yell, cuss, stop talking to me. It wasn’t her reaction I was afraid of, it was that I’d upset her at all. It was that I’d betrayed her.
I was supposed to be the loyal one. The protector. B was the one who screwed up, and I made it better. Ever since the day she’d fallen on the playground and I’d screamed at the kids making fun of her. That’s how our relationship went. I wasn’t supposed to be the one messing things up.
I still hadn’t told her a couple days later, when Wesley threw a huge night-before-Christmas-Eve party at his house. Pretty much everyone between the ages of sixteen and twenty who lived in a twenty-mile radius was there. Luckily, there was plenty of room, since he lived in a freaking mansion.
Plenty of room, but somehow I still felt claustrophobic. Maybe because Bianca and Toby were in the same place for the first time since that last party, where the whole mess started. I felt like a character in an episode of a bad sitcom, trying to figure out how to be with two people at once without them knowing about each other.
And if I’ve learned anything from sitcoms, it’s that the person trying to pull that stunt always fails. Miserably.
The first hour of the party was almost unbearable. Jess took off to go talk to Harrison Carlyle, convinced that—once and for all—he was going to declare his love for her. That meant all of B’s attention was on me, and meeting up with Toby—like I’d told him I would—was nearly impossible.
“You thirsty?” B asked as we walked around the party. “Now that Jessica has a car, I don’t have to be the DD all the freaking time and I kind of want a beer. Want me to grab you something?”
“Sure, I—” I paused, seeing an opportunity. “I can go get the drinks, though.”
“Well, I mean, we can go to the kitchen together,” B said, already starting to walk that way.
“Uh—wait!” I grabbed her arm. “There are two seats on the couch. Why don’t you grab them before someone else does? That way we have a place to sit. And I’ll get the drinks.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Sure. Why not. Just grab me a can of beer.”
“Of course! I’ll be right back.”
I took off toward the kitchen, hoping that it wouldn’t take me long to find Toby. Sure enough, I found him standing next to a cooler, talking to Vikki McPhee. She had a beer in her hand, but his hands were empty. He looked up and smiled at me as I walked in.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi.”
I was scared that Vikki would stick around, but her cousin, Jeanine, called her away a second later.
“You’re not drinking?” I asked Toby.
He shook his head. “I’m the designated driver. I told Jeanine and Vikki I’d give them a ride home.”
“Mr. Responsible.”
“I can drive you home, too, if you want,” he offered.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I think Jess has that covered.”
“Oh, okay.” But he looked a little disappointed.
“Aww. Looks like someone was hoping to fool around later,” I teased. “Were you expecting some Christmas backseat action? That’s awfully scandalous, Mr. Tucker.”
He blushed. Just a little. “No, no. Nothing like that. I just—”
I shoved his shoulder. “Oh, don’t be so coy. We both know what you were hoping for.” I grinned. “And maybe it’s not totally off the table. We’ll see.”
His face got redder.
I laughed. OMG, he was adorable. I leaned in to kiss him and—
And then I remembered where I was. And how many people were around. And how easy it would be for one of them to see and then go tell Bianca.
I stepped back.
Toby looked surprised.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” I blurted, backing away.
“Oh. All right.”
I took another step back, then remembered B and the beer she wanted. I bent down and grabbed two cans from the cooler.
“You’re taking beer to the bathroom?” Toby asked.
“Well, uh… in case there’s a line. That way I have something to drink, you know?”
“Okay,” he said. “But two?”
“I might pass someone who needs a drink. I’ll save them a trip. Anyway, gotta pee. BRB. Shit! Don’t count that. I’ll be back in a few.”
I took off into the living room, where B was waiting for me on the couch.
“What took you so long?” she asked.
“The kitchen was crowded. Took me a while to get close to the cooler,” I lied. I’d had that one prepared.
B started talking about something, but I wasn’t listening. I kept glancing over my shoulder to make sure Toby hadn’t come into the living room. I didn’t want him to see me with B and come over and say hi or something. I didn’t want him to know I was still lying to her about us.
I didn’t want him to know what a coward I was.
I ran back and forth for a while, hurrying Bianca through each beer so I could go grab her another and making excuses to Toby about why I needed to run off a few minutes after meeting back up with him. It was exhausting. So when Wesley sat down on the couch next to Bianca and me, I was relieved. At least B would be distracted by someone else for a while so I could make an escape and spend some actual time with Toby.
I found him playing pool by himself in a room upstairs. He had his blazer off, slung over the back of an armchair in the corner. The sleeves of his white button-down were rolled up to his elbows. When I walked in, he was bent forward over the table, concentrating hard on a shot. It was pretty sexy, if I do say so. Especially when the nine ball bounced off the side of the table and sailed into a corner pocket.
“Hey,” I said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind me. “Who’s winning?”
Toby straightened up. “Well, I’m in the lead. But I’m giving myself a run for my money.”
I laughed and walked over to the table. “I’m surprised no one else is up here playing.”
“I was, too. But I figure, the place is huge. If you didn’t stumble upon it, you’d never know it was here.” He put the pool stick aside. “So how long will you be sticking around this time? Five minutes or ten?”
I bit my lip. “Sorry. I guess I’ve been pretty flaky tonight.”
“A little bit.”
“Well, I’m sorry. I plan to stick around this time, though…. And I can make it up to you.”
There was the blush. I couldn’t help giggling.
“You’re adorable, Toby,” I said.
He sighed. “Just what every nineteen-year-old male wants to hear.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, shut up.” I slugged him on the arm and he laughed. He opened his mouth, and I shook my head. “No, don’t even say it. I mean shut up, not STFU. I am working on the abbreviations, you know.”
“In the meantime, you owe me, like, seven dollars in quarters,” he said.
I batted my eyelashes. “Any chance I could persuade you to lower my debt?”
“I don’t know. A good politician would never take bribes.”
“Oh, please. All politicians take bribes,” I said. “They’re just good at keeping it a secret.” I hopped up onto the pool table and gestured for him to come closer. “Believe me, I’m good at keeping secrets.”
Toby laughed and stepped closer, resting his hands on the edge of the pool table, framing my hips. I leaned forward and—finally—kissed him. God, it felt like I’d been waiting all night to do that. And once I did, I didn’t want to stop.
His hands slid up to my waist and mine curled around the back of his head and neck. We made out like that for a while, until my heart was racing and my skin felt like it was on fire. I pulled back just long enough to yank my sweater over my head, then we were kissing again. I could feel his hands pressing into my back, warm through my thin cotton tank top.