We were gasping and laughing between kisses, and just when I was about to whisper something sassy or sexy or funny—I hadn’t really decided yet—I heard voices outside the door. I barely had time to separate my lips from his when the door opened and a drunk dude on his cell phone stumbled in.
There was no mistaking what was going on between Toby and me, not with how our hands were all over each other and our lips were swollen. And it only took the drunk dude a second to figure it out. His watery eyes went wide and his mouth gaped a little.
“Yo, Kurtis,” he said into the phone. “You won’t believe what I just walked in on. Do you remember that cheerleader chick? The crazy tall one? She’s totally hooking up with—”
I was off the table and across the room with his phone in my hand before he could finish that sentence. I snapped it shut and glared at him. But the drunk dude just stared at me, confused.
“What was that for? Why’d you hang up on Kurtis?”
“I will not be gossiped about.”
His eyes traveled down, down, down and rested firmly on my chest.
I glanced at my shirt and realized I was wearing a black bra—completely visible through my thin white tank top. I wrapped my arms around my chest, fighting the urge to vomit. “Eyes up here, moron.”
The drunk dude looked at my face again. “Huh?”
“Are you paying attention at all?” I asked. “Look, what you just saw—you aren’t going to tell anyone. If you do, I’ll make sure you never get laid in this town again. Got it?”
“What? How… how would you do that?”
“I have my ways. And trust me, you’ll find I’m telling the truth if you let anyone know about what you saw tonight. Understood?”
“Uh… sure. Okay. Can I have my phone back?”
“Yeah.” I handed him his phone and practically shoved him out the door before shutting it again. “OMG,” I groaned. “That was… Toby, what are you doing?”
He was standing in the corner, putting his blazer on. “Leaving.”
“What? Why?”
“I’d rather not be here.”
“Well… maybe I can go with you. I’ll tell Jess I’m—”
“Don’t bother lying to your friends,” he said.
“W-why not?”
“Because I’d rather not be with you.”
He started for the door, but I grabbed his arm. “Toby! What’s going on? Why are you acting like this?”
When he looked at me, I expected him to be mad. The words he was saying, the tone of his voice—it made me think he was angry. Instead, he just looked hurt. Like I’d hurt him.
“You said you’re good at keeping secrets,” he said. “And I guess you are. But I don’t want to be your secret, Casey.”
“Toby—”
“At first I thought it was just about Bianca—that’s what you said—but it’s been weeks, and you still haven’t told her. Or anyone. Even though you said you would.” He shook his head. “I’m starting to think it’s not about Bianca at all. Maybe it’s about you. Maybe… maybe you’re just embarrassed because you still see yourself as the cheerleader and me as the geek with the bowl cut.”
“What? Toby, how could you think that?”
“How could I not?” he asked. “The way you just treated that guy…. Casey, I like you. I like you a lot. But I’m not going to be your secret. I’m done sneaking around.”
He pulled his arm from my grasp, turned, and walked out of the room. This time I didn’t argue. Or follow. Or try to stop him at all. I just stared at the door, tears stinging in my eyes, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
Chapter Five
As if I didn’t have enough to feel bad about, it turns out rushing B through those beers so I could keep running to the kitchen wasn’t such a great idea. She wasn’t normally much of a drinker, so her tolerance was pretty low. Low enough that Wesley had to carry her out to Jess’s car that night.
“I don’t know who’s going to regret this more tomorrow,” he said once she was sprawled out on the backseat. “Her, with the hangover, or you, because you get to deal with her while she has a hangover.”
“Is she that bad?” I asked. “I’ve never actually seen B get drunk before, so this is pretty new to me.”
“It’s only happened once since we started college,” Wesley said. “And it was pretty miserable for both of us. You know how cranky she is normally?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“Multiply that by about ten.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah… well, Merry Christmas, you two. Have fun tomorrow.”
“Oh, I will,” Jess said, rubbing her hands together in front of the vent while I climbed into her car and buckled my seat belt. “I’m dropping them off and going home. She’s all Casey’s tomorrow.”
I scowled at her. “I thought you were supposed to be the nice one.”
Wesley laughed. “Good night,” he said, waving as he headed back inside. “Tell Bianca I’ll call her tomorrow.”
B moaned from the backseat. She sounded like an animal who’d just been shot with a tranquilizer gun. It was the kind of noise I felt like I should be making. I felt nauseated and there was a pain in my chest. I’d only cried for a second after Toby walked out, but I’d been on the verge of tears ever since.
When we got to my house, my mom was already asleep. Somehow, Jess and I managed to drag a half-conscious Bianca up the stairs to my bedroom. That was all we could manage, though. She collapsed onto my bed and wouldn’t even move long enough to let us try and put her into her pajamas. We got her shoes and coat off, though. That was something.
Neither of us had a good night’s sleep. B tossed and turned and even got up once to throw up a little. I stayed on the other side of the bed, trying to think of anything but Toby’s hurt face before he’d left the party.
I liked him. I liked him more than I’d liked a guy in a long, long time. Maybe ever. He was nice and funny and didn’t mind that I was taller than him. I know that should have been a little thing, but it had been a big issue in the past. Toby was the best guy I’d ever dated, and I’d fucked it all up.
I decided I’d have the talk with B in the morning. Rip off the Band-Aid. But just as Wesley had promised, she had a hangover, and it was like normal cranky Bianca on steroids.
“Fuck,” she groaned with a hand on her forehead. “Why the hell did you let me drink so much?”
“You never exactly said no,” I told her, getting out of bed and heading to my closet to find clothes. “And you didn’t drink that much….”
“More than two beers is too much for me,” she mumbled. “God, Casey, will you stop making so much noise?”
“Sorry.” I shut the closet door as gently as I could. “B, I need to talk to you about something.”
“Can’t it wait? Maybe for a day when I don’t want to curl in a ball and die…. And oh my God, quit stomping! Just you walking around the room is making my head pound.”
I sighed and put my clothes on the edge of the bed. “Believe me, I wish this could wait. But—”
“Then wait,” she moaned.
B’s phone started ringing from the nightstand next to her head. She whimpered.
“You still have ‘Womanizer’ as your ringtone for him? Really?”
“I haven’t gotten around to changing it yet.” She rolled slowly and carefully onto her side and reached for the phone. For a second, I was seriously scared she was going to puke on my floor. But she didn’t. “Hey, Wesley,” she said into the phone. “What do you want?”
I changed out of my pajamas while she talked—which was mostly a series of mutters and grumbles. I’d just pulled my hoodie on when I heard her say, “Okay. Love you, too. See you in an hour.” She tossed the phone onto my side of the bed and covered her face with her hands. “Kill me.”
“I wouldn’t want to deal with the cleanup,” I said. “What did Wesley say?”