My throat is raw and stuck. Trying to clear it, I make some unusual sounds and grunts. Finally, I open both my eyes and blink repeatedly trying to focus them on the blurry figures in front of me. I know who they are by their voices, but they are one big grainy blob. As they slowly come into focus, Pops stands next to me, arms crossed over his chest, his breathing heavy. Looking into his eyes, pain is ripping through them. “Diamond,” I croak out my voice nothing like its normal self.
“He’s gone brother.” The pain in Pops voice is deep.
“Shit.” I groan. The weight of what happened begins to crush me. I didn’t push him out of the way quick enough. I didn’t fucking save him. It’s my fucking fault.
“How are you feeling?” Ma asks standing on the other side of me, knocking me out of my thoughts. Her hand sweeps the hair away from my eyes.
“Like shit.” I croak out like a damn frog.
“You scared the shit out of us!” Princess yells from the end of the bed, but I’m unable to lift my head to see her.
“Nice to see you too sis.” Fighting with her is not on the top of my to-do list at the moment, but knowing her, she won’t give me much of a choice.
Glancing over at Pops and ignoring Princess, “What’s the plan?”
“You get better then we’ll talk.” He dismisses.
“You Prez?” Pops nods his head but doesn’t say a word. I grunt turning away mumbling to whoever would listen and answer. “How long am I down?”
Princess cuts in. “Don’t know yet you stubborn asshole. But you mark my fucking words, while you’re lying here; we talk and get this shit taken care of.” I close my eyes silently wishing for Princess to disappear. “No getting out of talking this time.” The finality in her words is annoying as hell because there is no fucking way I’m telling her shit, especially while I’m lying here and can’t get the fuck away from her.
Chapter 6—Casey
“I’m proud of you.” Bella’s stormy eyes focus on mine and I stare blankly back wondering what the hell she’s talking about. Since my baby died, I’ve been a walking zombie. “You are an amazing woman.”
I chuckled softly. “No. I’m not. If I were amazing as you put it, I would have known how to save my baby.”
“Babe. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing and it is not your fault.” The sincerity in her eyes is too much. I grunt and turn away from her. This past week has sped by so fast, but I did go to class several times and I have gotten caught up on all the assignments that I missed. It’s been nice to focus on something other than my baby being gone.
I’m being a total bitch to both Bella and Jace, but I can’t seem to help myself. The anger inside of me keeps bubbling over, splashing to the floor like hot lava. I want my baby back. Over this past week, I determined that my baby was a girl and I’ve named her Mia. When I told Bella and Jace, they turned and looked at each other, but neither of them said a word to me about it.
Mia was a person, she was my person and I refuse to sweep her under the rug as if she never existed.
Bella places a hand on my shoulder, my body tenses. “Casey. You are an unbelievably strong woman. You’ve made choices that I don’t know if I could have made, to make your life better with your baby. Life dealt you a shit blow, but your strength will get you through this.”
Tears brim my eyes, I turn into Bella’s arms and silently cry. Wishing the pain to go away, I release her, head to my room and pull the covers over my head.
When I awake, the sun is beginning to lower, casting shadows out on the world, exactly like I’m feeling, dark and shadowed. I walk into the kitchen the smell of basil invades my nose. Bella is moving around the kitchen, moving from place to place quickly grabbing utensils and ingredients out of the cabinet like a well-oiled machine. I breathe in deep again this time the smell of tomatoes or sauce flowing through me, my stomach growling reminding me that it’s been a long time since I’ve really eaten. “How ya doing?” She asks stirring something in a pot.
“Alright. Sorry about earlier.”
Bella comes over and wraps her arms around me tightly. “No need. That’s what I’m here for. We will get through this together.” I nod and embrace her tightly.
“Whatcha making? I’m hungry.” Bella pulls away from me, looking into my face questioningly.
“Really? I think that’s the first time you’ve said that in weeks.” She smiles. “Spaghetti.”
“Sounds good.” I slide up to the kitchen island grabbing a napkin. I begin tearing it into very small pieces without even thinking about it. My appetite is slowly coming back, but I can only handle small bits of food or I feel like I’ll puke.
“Your phone over there has been going off like crazy. I put it on silent ‘cause I didn’t want it to wake you.” She points over to my pre-pay and only one person calls me on it.
My stomach hits the floor. There is no way that I want to talk to Harlow right now. Just hearing about her family, guts me. I want to be happy for her. She deserves it. But just hearing about how perfect Cooper and Cruz are kills me on the inside. I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend, but I can’t help it. She has everything that I’ve ever wanted and I’m totally alone, again. But if I don’t call her soon, Harlow will send out the cavalry to hunt me down.
“What’s wrong?” Bella asks, looking away from her pot.
“I just don’t know if I can talk to Harlow. Does it make me a horrible person to not want to hear about how perfect her family is?”
Bella puts the spoon down and sits next to me at the island. “You need to tell her what happened Casey.” I gasp and she reaches for my hand squeezing it softly. “No, really. You need to tell her. She’s been your best friend for years and from what you’ve told me she sounds like an understanding woman. You also need to tell the baby’s father.”
“I had every intention of telling them both. I wanted to wait until I knew if it was a boy or a girl. Harlow was just going through so much I didn’t want to add to her problems. And G.T., he wanted nothing to do with me.” I look down at the shredded napkin in front of me. “I’ve known him my whole life and part of me was so terrified that he’d reject the baby, now it just doesn’t matter.” Bella squeezes harder.
“It does matter.”
“He sees me as just another piece of ass and I can’t do that to myself. It kills me. I’ve been in love with him for so long that the thought of having a part of him growing inside of me made me stronger. How pathetic is that?” I shake my head.
“It’s not pathetic. You are strong with or without the baby. You have to know that.”
I give her a small smile, not totally believing her words. “I came to school to make something of myself for Mia and me. Now, I don’t know what I need to do. I’m kinda lost.”
“It’s okay to not know. You put one foot in front of the other and move. That’s all you can do right now.”
I look over at the phone. “How many times did it go off?” I ask.
“Probably ten or more.”
I jump from my seat. There is no way that Harlow would call that many times in a row unless something is wrong. Grabbing the phone, I look and there are thirteen missed calls and the voicemail button is flashing. I don’t bother checking the messages, I just call her back.
Harlow answers on the first ring.
“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.
“Get your shit and get home now.” Harlow’s voice is panicked.
“What’s going on Low?” I ask using the nickname I gave her when we were kids.
“Diamond’s dead.” Everything stops. I grab the closest chair I can find and sit down, hard on it. The air in my body gushes out of me while I try to process the words that just came out of her mouth. He was getting up there in age, but he was still so full of life.