I wish things were different between us. I wish this could work. It kills me that I’m not enough for him and it kills me more that I lost the only part of him that I had left. Tears spring to my eyes. My hand reaches for my stomach and rubs gently remembering the day I found out about her and I smile. I’d never been so happy in my life as the day I got that positive pregnancy result and that day is tarnished because of G.T.’s actions. I shake my head and pull G.T.’s tight grip off of my waist.
He mumbles and grunts but his eyes don’t open. I slide out of bed and look at the clock. 10:17pm, damn I slept a long time. My stomach growls and I realize I haven’t eaten since early morning. Looking back over at a peaceful G.T., I head out of the room in search of food.
The music blares through the clubhouse and I’m surprised I didn’t hear it back in G.T.’s room. Entering the main room, brothers, ol’ ladies and women are scattered around, most with drinks in their hands and dancing to the beat. On top of a couple of tables are women with barely there clothes dancing their asses off. Since the club is on lockdown, I know it’s a club party and not a brother one.
A club party is all the members of the club, their ol’ ladies and the entertainment of strippers. A brother party is a no holds barred party that ol’ ladies and significant others are banned from.
Cruz sits on a stool at the bar nursing a beer as I walk up to him. “Hey.” He turns on the stool.
“Hey Case. How’s the patient?” He smirks like he knows something I don’t.
I eye him. “Stubborn and sleeping.”
He chuckles which makes me smirk seeing a big guy like him chuckle. “You did good, girl.”
“I haven’t done much Cruz. Pretty much just slept the day away.” I shrug my shoulder.
“Woman. That man wouldn’t sit still for five minutes. You come along and he’s sleeping like a baby.”
“Cruz. He just likes a warm body to keep him company, and I’m just the closest thing he’s got right now. I’m sure the next one will come along in a day or so and I’ll be long forgotten.”
“You need to talk to Princess about this shit. And for the record, you’re full of shit.” He grabs his beer and leaves me at the bar.
Looking around, Becs nods his head to me and I nod back. I search for Harlow, but see her nowhere. She must be with Cooper. The thought is a double edged sword. I want to see him, but I know it will hurt to see the little guy running around, when my little one didn’t have a chance.
Shaking my head, I move to the kitchen where Ma is standing preparing food with Legs and Bubbles. “Hi.” I give a slight wave as all eyes turn to me. Ma rushes to me wrapping her arms tight around my body as I do the same.
“Man, I missed you baby girl. I’m so glad you’re home.” My insides turn warm, wanted, loved. I feel the red blush creeping up my cheeks. Ma pulls away, “Look at you! You are skin and bones, you need food, now.” She shakes her head disapprovingly.
“I eat Ma. I’ve just been under a bit of stress with school, but it’ll get better.” I reassure her not knowing if it will ever get better.
“You’ll eat now while you’re here. If I have to watch every bite you put in your mouth, I will young lady.” I grin. “And you need strength to take care of my boy.” My lips fall and my eyes close.
“Ma, it’s only for a few more hours and then he’ll be on his own, but thanks.”
“Sweetheart, my boy is a stubborn man like his daddy. You don’t give up on him, you hear me.”
I nod and the tightness in my chest returns. I give a slight cough to clear my throat. “I need to get some food for G.T. he hasn’t eaten in a while.”
“I’ll get it sweetheart.” She releases her hold on me, moving quickly throughout the kitchen.
Legs approaches, “You are so beautiful Casey and smart to boot. Your daddy is so proud of you right now.”
One small mention of Bam and I’m fighting back tears that I thought had dried up. “Thank you.” I choke out trying to hold back.
“We were all so worried when you left. We still are. I know that Bam wanted you to go to school, but can’t you do that online or something so you’re home?” I stand there shocked at her words. Never once has anyone really said anything about my leaving. Never once have any of them said they wanted me to stay here. “I mean, we all know you are smart and can do it, we just miss you here.” She smiles pulling away.
“I never thought about online school.” In fact, when I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t get out of here quick enough.
“Just something to think about.” She winks moving back to the counter of food.
Bubbles giggles as she walks over and wraps her arms around me tight. “I agree with everything they said. But I want to add, G.T. needs you. He just hasn’t been himself since you left.”
I pull away from her, hurt by her words. “He doesn’t want me, Bubbles. He made it perfectly clear and I’ll be going right back to school when Diamond’s funeral is over.” Something inside of me strengthened. I just don’t care that he isn’t the same. It’s his own damn fault. Not mine. He did this, not me.
“I’m sad to hear that.” She shakes her head back and forth. “We sure do miss you.”
“I really need to get G.T.’s food and get back. He’ll be waking up soon and if I’m not there, he’ll get out of bed.” She nods, moving away.
I turn to Ma, who holds out two plates of heaping with food. “Thanks.” Ma doesn’t say a word as I leave the kitchen heading back to G.T.’s room.
Entering the room, G.T.’s eyes bore into mine as I enter. “I got food.” I hold up the plates showing him.
“You weren’t supposed to leave.” His voice is tense and strained.
“I was only gone for a minute.” I walk to the side table setting the food down.
“That’s what the phone is for. You could have called it in.” He demands.
“I needed some air. I’m here. Calm down.” I place my plate on the desk and walk back over to the bed, grabbing the small bed tray to set his food on.
G.T. slowly moves up and I place the tray on his lap along with the food. “You need to stay here with me. Alright?” His voice pleads catching me off guard. I pause and stare at him, his face showing every bit of the plea.
“I’m here. No worries. Let’s eat.” I move to the desk and bring my plate to G.T’s side table. We eat in companionable silence. I can only get a little down, my appetite still not up to normal.
“That all you’re gonna eat, Angel?” He asks swallowing his food.
“I’m finished.”
“You hardly ate anything. Here.” He holds his fork out with turkey and mashed potatoes on it to my mouth expectantly. I roll my eyes, but open my mouth to take a bite. “See now that’s not so hard.”
“The ol’ ladies are good cooks.”
For the next fifteen minutes, G.T. takes two bites and then feeds one to me. Warmth floods my body at his sweet and kind gesture. My heart flutters threatening to fly out of my chest. I try not reading more into this than it is, but he is making it difficult.
After we are done, I clear the plates setting them on the desk after G.T. refuses to let me leave to take them back to the kitchen. I give G.T. his meds and he takes them without complaint.
“Harlow said I need to change your bandage. You alright with that.”
“Better question is, are you?” My spine stiffens and my face shows resolve.
“Of course I am. I can handle just about anything.”
I remove the bandages, seeing for the first time the wounds that could have ended his life. My gut clenches at the thought of losing him. It’s one thing to not be with him, it’s another to lose him forever. I clean and add the salve from Doc and bandage him all back up.
“Why don’t you go back to sleep. I’m gonna work on some homework.” I move around the bed to the desk sitting in the chair.