“Yeah. Took out four men.”
“We took out seven.” Cruz says coming back putting his phone in his rag pocket. “On their way, be here in ten.”
It’s been four days since she was taken and I haven’t let her out of my fucking sight. And she hasn’t let me either. Angel’s been up and down with what happened to her. She doesn’t want to talk about it, but at night, she has this tormented scream that rattles my core. I’ve pressed for answers, but she closes up. She swears that she wasn’t raped, but other than that, I can’t get shit out of her. Even Princess has tried, but still nothing. All I know is that I love her and I’ll do whatever she needs. I know the connection between Jace and Paine has really messed with her head. I just hope not too much.
The discussion on how I found her went much better than anticipated. I thought I’d get shit for it, but she didn’t even bitch about the chip inside of her cut. She even told me she was grateful for it. It just made me hold her tighter. I don’t know what the hell I ever did to deserve her, but I’m glad I did.
Princess, on the other hand, when she found out, went on a fucking rampage. She felt around her rag trying to find the chip, but that’s her. I’ll let Cruz handle that shit. My hands are full enough.
With Paine and most of his crew gone, we can now breathe a bit. First it was Rabbit and then Paine after us for all they were worth. I need a fucking break. I’m ready to ride with my girl behind me and relax for a change.
Shaina is one big hot mess that Princess has been dealing with. I can see why Diamond kept her out of the life. She can’t handle it, at all. Even though neither Shaina or Angel are talking, my gut is telling me that Shaina was hurt much worse than Angel. If that’s so, then she has every right to feel that shit.
Today, I’m getting my girl away from this clubhouse and we will ride to wherever the wind takes us. We are both in need of a fucking break. She says she has school work to do today, which she always says, but never does. But it needs to fucking wait. I need her wrapped around my body and the road in front of us. She needs it too.
“I really don’t want to go.” She says pulling on her leathers and pouting.
“You’re going.”
“But… Never mind.” She finishes lacing her boots and pulls her old leather jacket on. I know she doesn’t want to wear it and I can’t blame her and I know what she wants. “Ready.” Her voice is glum and down. I smile reaching into the closet.
I pull out her rag and hold it up with my hands. “You’re missing something.” Her eyes flash to her rag and tears form in her eyes.
She stands and walks over. Her arm reaches out to the leather and she rubs it in between her fingers. She pulls it to the side and notices all the new lacing I had done throughout it. “You fixed it?” She whispers softly.
“Of course I did.” Everywhere that bastard cut, I had lacing woven through the leather connecting it until it was all one piece again.
“I love you.” She says looking into my eyes.
“Love you too, Angel.”
Chapter 18—Casey
In the last two days, G.T. has been my rock. After our day long ride, I felt a bit more relaxed. But as soon as we got back to the clubhouse, I felt it happening again. The twitchy, jumpy anxiety that creeps into my body that I can’t shake. I know Paine and Jace are dead. G.T. wasn’t supposed to tell me because it is club business. But after talking to Pops he got the green light to tell me about Jace, they both agreed that I should know.
Thank God for that. I don’t think I could go on every day without knowing that those men wouldn’t be passing me on the street one day, ready to capture me, hurt me or kill me. Even though I saw Paine drop from the shot, I can still feel him and every time I do, I need a shower to scrub off his hands.
But, even with them gone, I can’t help but jump at the noises, the bangs on the doors and even when my damn phone rings. It’s not only what happened to me. All that Paine really did to me was touch my body on the outside and terrorize me with words about killing G.T. I hear those words replay in my dreams and wake up in cold sweats. Nothing can happen to G.T. ever. And I will probably never get over the Paine-Jace connection. But that’s not what really gets me.
It’s what I witnessed him doing with Shaina that I can’t ever seem to shake. It’s replaying in my head when I’m awake, when I’m asleep, and every moment of the day. Her screams, sobs and pleas roll over and over in my head. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t do a damn thing to save her. I just had to listen and watch when Paine ordered me too or he’d shoot both of us on the spot. I had to buy time and hope we were found alive.
I want to talk to Shaina, but G.T. doesn’t think it will be good for me. I can’t blame him. I know I’ve been just going through the motions of life. I tell him I have to do my school work, but I don’t care about it. All I really want is to lie in bed and have G.T. hold me. And I also know I won’t get away with it for much longer.
Princess for one is about at her wit’s end with me and that’s one end no one wants to be at. It’s only a matter of time before she blows and takes me for a ride. G.T. doesn’t know what to do with me; hell I don’t know what to do with me. But he’s been so understanding and loving that it kills me when I break in front of him. The look in his eyes, he’s lost and I can’t find him right now. I need to find me.
I jump when there’s a knock on the door, but blow out a deep breath. “Who is it?” I ask cautiously.
“It’s me, Casey. Or is it Angel now?” The corner of my mouth turns up slightly at the sound of Doc calling me Angel. I slowly unlock the door and turn the handle. “Hey. You wanted to see me?”
“Yeah. Come on in.” I move away from the door and shut it when he enters. My heart pounds inside my chest so rapidly I fear it may burst. My hands sweat and I wipe them down my jeans. Doc turns and holds out his hands.
“What can I do for you?” I stare at the man not knowing where to start. I’ve never asked someone for help like this and I find it difficult to put the words together. I’m not sure what I need, but I hope that Doc does. He eyes me and quirks his eyebrow. “Angel, I know you’ve had a rough road. Is that what this is about?”
I nod my head and look at the floor. I breathe in and out trying to slow my heart down. My words come out in a rush. “I-don’t-know-what-to-do-Doc-I-can’t-sleep-for-shit-I-thought-I-was-totally-over-Mia-but-with-everything-that-happened-with-Jace-and-Paine-she-keeps-creeping-in-my-thoughts-I-worry-about-Shaina-and-I-can’t-take-it-anymore.” I stop, but don’t look up at Doc, don’t want to see whatever look he’s got, pity, condemnation… Who knows?
“Angel.” His voice is calm, but I still avoid him. “Casey.” His voice is more firm and authoritative this time and my eyes cast up. He smiles. “Sweetheart. This is normal. You’ve had a hell of a rough go. The first step to getting better is to ask for help. The fact that you picked up your phone and called me, tells me that you want to get better. Your mind is in a place that it needs to find peace.”
I don’t bother stopping the tears as they fall when he speaks. “Now, we need to get you in with a therapist.” I looked at him in shock. There is no way I’m telling a stranger my stuff. I can’t even tell G.T. everything, let alone some person I’ve never met. “I can see that you don’t like the idea, but do you want to get better?”
I do. I really do. I don’t want to live like I have the last few days or even worse sink down to where I was when I lost Mia. The doctors at the hospital said I should talk to someone and I wish I would have taken their advice, but at the time, I was in denial. “Yes.”