And now that she knew the power of sex, the mind-stealing wonder of having a man completely focused upon her, Von could sympathize. When it came down to it, all Nookie really wanted was to be loved. Unfortunately Nookie didn’t realize that to get love and respect she first had to love and respect herself.
What to do about Sean? He claimed to love her and Von believed him. He also said he wanted to marry her. Von wasn’t sure she was ready to put a label on what she felt for him. Simply being with him like this was enough for now. Yes, having a lover outside the bonds of holy matrimony went against her beliefs, but maybe it was time for a new belief system.
Besides, how did she explain to her friends that in the course of one day she’d gone from being engaged to Derrick to being engaged to Sean without making herself look bad in the process?
At least she didn’t have to break her engagement to Derrick. He’d already done the honors last night. She’d be lucky if he didn’t spit in her face when she returned the engagement ring to him. She’d definitely be looking for another church. She shuddered to think what Pastor Derrick Wilkins Senior would say were she to remain. Did they still put scarlet letters on women?
Then there was the fact that Sean was white. While she didn’t care, there were plenty of other people who would. Several of them members of her own family who used the man to excuse their laziness, making no attempt to do something positive and productive with their lives because the man was holding them down. Family gatherings were bound to be fun until the family got used to him.
Of course, there was another option. She could pack up and leave with Sean when he went back to the military. Other than family, there wasn’t much keeping her here in Georgia. With her profession, she could get a job at any military or civilian hospital in the world.
Her musings were interrupted by the sudden urgency in her bladder. Behind her Sean slept like only the truly exhausted can. She raised her head and instantly his arm across her chest tightened.
“Where are you going?”
“To the bathroom. Go back to sleep.”
“Don’t be gone too long,” he mumbled as his arm loosened.
As soon as she left the bed, he pulled her pillow closer and fell back asleep. A tender smile filled Von’s face.
Von pulled on the floor length caftan she used as a robe and left the bedroom. Sticky, sore and not the least bit sleepy, she decided that a bath was her next priority. The hot water would ease the tenderness and hopefully help with the headache. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her she’d skipped dinner last night and what she’d nibbled on for lunch yesterday was long gone. Toilet, tub, and kitchen, in that order.
Forty-five minutes later, Von, cleaned and refreshed, stood in the open door of her refrigerator trying to decide what to eat. She pulled out the egg carton, figuring she’d surprise Sean with breakfast—a glance at the clock on the stove—make that brunch, in bed. Now the question was, did she fix him eggs, bacon and grits, a southern staple? Or French toast, sausage and bacon? Remembering Sean’s size, she decided on the latter.
Three hard knocks sounded at the front door. Must be Marketta returning to check on her. Which reminded Von, she hadn’t checked her phone this morning to see if she had any messages. Nor had she charged it. The thing was probably dead now. Sighing, Von braced herself for another of her cousin’s lectures.
She swung open the door without looking through the peephole. “Derrick!”
“May I come in?”
He stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking as humble as she’d ever seen him.
“Uh, yeah.” After a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure her bedroom door was closed, she stepped back to allow him inside.
“Why aren’t you at church? I thought you had to preach this morning.” Then she caught a good look at Derrick’s face. It appeared worse than hers. She quietly closed the door then turned to face him. He stood in the living room near the couch. “Did Sean do that?” With a finger, she indicated his face.
“Yeah. His is worse.”
No, Sean’s wasn’t but she wasn’t about to dispute Derrick’s claim. He might want to know how she knew. She crossed her hands over her chest, very aware of her nakedness underneath the African print caftan she’d slipped on after her bath and the stilted awkwardness between the two of them.
“Why are you here, Derrick?”
“I wanted to talk.”
“So talk,” she told him.
“Can we sit?”
“I’ll stand.” Von made no effort to leave her position by the door.
Derrick shifted his stance, bringing his right hand out of his pocket to cup the nape of his neck as he looked at the floor. Finally he raised his head and pinned her with a neutral look. “I came to say that I forgive you for what happened. I love you and I still want to marry you, in spite of it.”
“What ‘it’ are you referring to?” Von asked in a carefully measured voice.
A flicker of annoyance crossed his face before it was neutralized. “You know, you and Sean.”
“I see.” And she did, painfully so. “So let me get this straight. You’re not here to apologize for hitting me, giving me this black eye?”
He glanced at the purple, yellow, and red bruising surrounding her eye. He shrugged his shoulders and looked past her. “Maybe I could have handled it better, but really, what did you expect me to do? You came to my house, dressed like a hooker, and then I found you...and him...”
“Fucking in your dining room?” she finished for him, enjoying the way Derrick flinched at her vulgarity.
“Yeah, that,” he bit out.
Von sighed wearily, the little bit of joy she got from her meanness quickly fading. It simply wasn’t in her nature to be nasty. “What happened to us, Derrick?” she asked softly. “Where did we go wrong?”
“What happened to us? You can ask me that after what you did. You didn’t even know the man. How could you throw yourself at Sean like that?” The question seemed to burst out of him.
Von rested her back against the door. “Actually, I’ve known Cougar for almost as long as you. You see, we’ve been corresponding via emails and letters since you introduced us during basic training. Ironic, isn’t it, that I have you to thank for bringing us together?”
He glared at her. “What’s wrong with you? You’re not acting like yourself.”
“Again I must thank you for knocking sense into me. You say you love me but I’ve finally come to realize that you don’t know the meaning of the word. What you want, Derrick, is to control me. I’ve tried talking to you on numerous occasions about how I feel and you brushed me aside each time. Unless it was about you–your needs, your wants—it wasn’t important. Well, I’m through playing by your rules. I don’t want any part of your idea of love, or your idea of marriage. Sean did us both a favor by coming here. He’s shown me what real love means.”
“What the hell do you mean by that? Is he here?” Derrick glanced at her closed bedroom door.
She shook her head. Typical Derrick. She said all of that and all that concerned him was if Sean was in her bed. That jealous, competitive nature of his coming to the forefront. Von was beginning to wonder what she’d ever seen in Derrick.
“Don’t lie to me. He is, isn’t he? That bastard came over here last night and you welcomed him with open arms.”
“And legs,” Von goaded. “Let’s not forget that part.”
Derrick’s face flushed and he came toward her, hand raised. “You slut!”
“Slow your roll, Bro. You hit me again and I’ll show you Nookie’s daughter, the one that grew up in the ‘hood protecting herself.” Von didn’t flinch, nor did she cower. Instead she balanced on the balls of her feet, prepared to defend herself.