She had the McCabes now. She had family. And friends. Good and loyal friends. Rionna and her father couldn’t hurt her.
If it killed her, she would smile through Alaric’s wedding. She’d send him off with all the love in her heart but with no weeping. No grief. Some things were private. As much as she’d love to shout her love for Alaric for all to hear, it was better kept to her heart where naught could be used against him.
Feeling marginally better after her all-night weep fest, she washed her face and straightened her hair. Then she took a deep breath and exited her chamber to go belowstairs. She really had no idea what she would do this day. For the past weeks, she and the other women of the keep gathered to keep Mairin company in the hall. With the McDonalds in residence, the women would likely seek a quieter spot for their visitation.
It was soon obvious to Keeley that most of the clan was still abed after a late night entertaining the McDonalds. The keep was blanketed in silence.
’Twould be a wonderful opportunity for a walk around the courtyard, at least since the laird forbade anyone from venturing farther.
She stopped into the kitchens to visit with Gertie and ask if there were any herbs she needed for her preparations. Gertie scowled and waved her away, mumbling something about being interrupted while she was trying to think.
With a grin, Keeley set off for the courtyard. A brisk chill met her as soon as she stepped outside, but she welcomed it on her skin. She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. The air just smelled cleaner and fresher in the winter. The bite of ice filled her lungs and when she exhaled, her breath came out in a cloud of steam.
Giggling like a child, she made a turn around the wall and ventured down the side of the keep. The loch was to her left and was so still, it resembled a looking glass. The sun bounced off the surface, reminding her of a shield held up in battle.
She was so ensconced in her view of the loch that she didn’t notice the person coming toward her until she heard her name.
“Keeley? Keeley McDonald, is that you?”
Keeley whirled around, her heart leaping to her throat. Rionna stood but a few feet away, her expression stunned.
“Aye, ’tis I,” Keeley returned in a low voice. She took a hesitant step back.
Pain creased Rionna’s face. Her golden eyes turned dull until the ever-present shimmer had faded to amber.
“I thought you dead. When they told me you were gone, I looked. I waited. But when you didn’t return, I thought you were dead.”
Keeley’s face crinkled in confusion. “Who did you speak with? I am fit as you can see.”
“The women and men I sent to your cottage to ensure your well-being. How did you arrive here? What is it you’re doing on McCabe land? It’s been months since you were last seen at your cottage.”
Keeley stared warily at the other woman, unsure of how to respond. “ ’Tis where I am welcome.”
A spasm of pain crossed Rionna’s face. A McDonald man appeared in the distance and shouted Rionna’s name.
“The laird is looking for you. He wants you present for the breaking of fast.”
Rionna’s hands curled into tight balls. She glanced back at Keeley and then to her father’s man. “I must go. I would see you later. I have much to say to you.”
Without further explanation, Rionna turned and hurried back toward the keep. Keeley watched her go, her stomach in knots. Her emotions were such a mass of uncertainty. Part of her wanted to throw her arms around Rionna and hug her senseless. Tell her how much she missed her childhood friend and tell her how beautiful she’d grown.
The other part wanted to demand an explanation. The hurt she thought she’d long buried bubbled to the surface. Maybe she would never be able to forget or forgive being forced from the only life and protection she knew.
She sighed and turned back to the loch. She walked to the edge and stared, mesmerized, into the crystal clear waters. She loved the water. It absorbed the moods and whims of nature and cast them onto the surface for all to see. ’Twas freeing, that. No pretending. No hiding. Just a reflection of what boiled right below the surface.
For how long she stood there, she wasn’t certain. She stared across the loch, lost in her thoughts and the constant aching in her heart.
“ ’Tis too cold a morn for a lass to be outdoors as long as you have,” Gannon said gently.
She turned, startled by the warrior’s presence. She hadn’t heard him approach, but she’d been too absorbed with other matters.
She smiled faintly. “ ’Tis the truth I’ve no awareness of the cold.”
“ ’Tis even worse then for you’ll not know when you’ve grown too cold.”
She wanted to ask him if Alaric had sent him, but she refused to speak his name. She had vowed to remain stoic, even if it killed her.
“ ’Tis a beautiful morn,” she said conversationally. “The snows are nearly gone. ’Tis not usually so warm this time of year.”
“Aye, but it’s still too cold for a lass such as yourself to be out alone without proper clothing.”
Keeley sighed and cast another stare over the water. The calmness soothed her. Gave her peace when her insides were in turmoil. If only she could pull it around her like a cloak. Steel armor that no one could breech.
“You know the McDonalds were my clan.”
The words were baldly spoken, laid out in brash fashion. She had no idea why she said them. Gannon was hardly a person to confide in. The warrior would likely rather have his arm cut off than to listen to womanly blether.
“Aye, I know it,” he returned.
There was an odd note to his voice that she couldn’t quite define.
“They are no more.”
Gannon nodded. “Nay. You’re a McCabe now.”
She smiled at that. She couldn’t help it. It filled her with such warmth that it was all she could do not to throw her arms around him and squeeze for all she was worth.
Her eyes went watery and he gave her such a look of horror that she had to laugh.
“Thank you for saying that. ’Tis a fact I needed to hear that this morn. I was … I was unprepared for their arrival as of yet.”
“No reason to cry,” he said gruffly. “A McCabe doesn’t cry. They hold their heads up and don’t allow others to trod on them.”
This time the temptation was simply too strong. She flung her arms around him, making him stagger back as she hit him right in the chest.
“What the … ?”
He grasped her so they didn’t both go down and stood as stiff as a boulder as she squeezed him. Then he sighed. “Between you and Lady McCabe, I swear the McCabe clan is becoming an emotional watering pot.”
Keeley grinned against him. There was gruffness in his voice but there was also true affection. She drew away and smiled through her tears. “You like me.”
He scowled. “I said nothing of the sort.”
“Admit it. You like me.”
“I don’t like you very much right now.”
“Ah, but you did before.”
His scowl deepened. “You should come back inside the keep now.”
“Thank you, Gannon. ’Tis a fact I was not feeling very well today.” She glanced up again and was tempted to hug him once more, but he seemed to realize her intent and hastily stepped back. She grinned again. “I find I like my new clan very much. The McCabes recognize the importance of loyalty and family.”
He looked offended. “Of course we do. There’s no more loyal a clan than the McCabes and no better a laird than ours.”
“I’m very glad I’m here,” she said softly as they turned to walk back toward the keep.
Gannon hesitated a brief moment and then glanced sideways at her. “I’m glad you’re here, too, Keeley McCabe.”