"Please, my lord, this is so terribly embarrassing. Need we discuss it?"
"You must see we cannot leave it at this."
There was a distinct pause before she asked cautiously, "Why not?"
"Sophy, be reasonable, sweetheart. We are married. We will be making love frequently. I don't want you going in fear of the experience."
"I do wish you would not call it making love when it is nothing of the kind," she snapped.
Julian closed his eyes and summoned up his patience. The very least he owed his new bride now was patience. It was, unfortunately, not one of his strong points. "Sophy, tell me one thing. Do you hate me this morning?"
She swallowed convulsively and kept her eyes on the view outside her window. "No, my lord."
"Well, that is something, at least. Not much, but something. Damn it, Sophy, what did I do to you last night? I must have thrown myself on you, but I swear I can remember nothing after getting into bed with you."
"I really cannot talk about it, my lord."
"No, I don't suppose you can." He raked his fingers through his hair. How could he expect her to give him a detailed description of his actions? He did not want to listen to the chilling tale, himself. But he desperately needed to know what he had done to her. He had to know just how much of a devil he had been. He was already starting to torture himself with vivid imaginings.
"Julian?"
"I know it is no excuse, my sweet, but I fear I drank more port last night than I realized at the time. I will never again come to your bed in such a deplorable condition. It was unpardonable. Please accept my apologies and believe that next time will be far different."
Sophy cleared her throat. "As to the matter of a next time—
He winced. "I know you are not looking forward to it and I give you my word I will not rush you a second time. But you must realize that eventually we will have to make love again. Sophy, this first time for you, well, it's rather like falling off a horse. If you don't remount, you might never ride again."
"I'm not certain that would be such a terrible fate," she muttered.
"Sophy."
"Yes, of course. There is the little matter of your heir. Forgive me, my lord, it almost slipped my mind."
Self-loathing ripped through his gut. "I was not thinking of my heir. I was thinking of you," he ground out.
"Our agreement was for three months," she reminded him quietly. "Do you think we could return to that understanding?"
Julian cursed violently under his breath. "I don't think it would be a good idea to wait that long. Your natural uneasiness will grow to unnatural proportions if you have three whole months in which to dwell on what happened last night. Sophy, I have explained to you that the worst is over. There is no need to retreat behind that agreement you insisted upon."
"I suppose not. Especially since you have made it clear I have so few means by which to enforce the agreement." She pulled out of his arms and walked over to the window. "You were quite right, my lord, when you pointed out that a woman has very little power in a marriage. Her only hope is that she can depend upon her husband's honor as a gentleman."
Another wave of guilt rolled over him, drowning Julian for an instant. When he surfaced he longed to be able to confront the devil himself rather than Sophy. At least that way he could fight back.
The position he was in was intolerable. It was shatteringly clear that there was only one honorable way out and he had to take it even though he knew that it would ultimately make everything far more difficult for her.
"Would you be able to trust my word a second time if I agree to return to our three month arrangement?" Julian asked roughly.
She shot him a quick glance over her shoulder. "Yes, I think I could trust you this time. If, that is, you would agree not to seduce me as well as not to force me."
"I promised you seduction last night and forced myself on you, instead. Yes, I can see where you might want to expand the terms of the original agreement." Julian inclined his head formally. "Very well, Sophy. My judgment tells me it is the wrong course of action, but I cannot deny your right to insist upon it after what happened last night."
Sophy bowed her head, her fingers clenched in front of her. 'Thank you, my lord."
"Do not thank me. I have a strong conviction I am making a serious mistake. Something is very wrong here." He shook his head again, trying to will forth the memories of last night. He got only a blank wall. Was he losing his mind? "You have my word I will make no attempt to seduce you for the remaining time of our agreement. It goes without saying that I will not force myself on you, either." He hesitated, wanting to reach out and hold her close again but he did not dare touch her. "Please excuse me."
He let himself out of her bedchamber feeling he could hardly sink lower in her eyes than he already had in his own.
The next two days should have been the most blissful of Sophy's life. Her honeymoon was finally turning into the dream she had once fondly conceived. Julian was kind, thoughtful, and unfailingly gentle. He treated her as if she were a rare and priceless piece of porcelain. The silent, subtle, sensual threat that had plagued her for days was finally removed.
It was not that she no longer saw desire in Julian's gaze. It was still there, but the fires were carefully banked now and she no longer feared they would rage out of control. At last she had the breathing space she had tried to negotiate before the marriage.
But instead of being able to relax and enjoy the time she had bought, Sophy was miserable. For two days she fought the misery and the guilt, trying to assure herself that she had done the right thing, the only thing she could do under the circumstances. A wife had so little power, she was obliged to use whatever means came to hand.
But her own sense of honor would not let her soothe her anxiety with such a rationale.
Sophy awoke on the third morning after her fictitious wedding night knowing she could not continue the charade another day, let alone the remainder of the three months.
She had never felt so awful in her entire life. Julian's self-chastisement was a terrible responsibility for her to bear. It was obvious he was berating himself savagely for what he thought he had done. The fact that he had done nothing at all was making Sophy feel even more guilty than he did.
She downed the tea her maid had brought, set the cup back in its saucer with a loud crash and pushed back the covers.
"My, what a lovely day, ma'am. Will you be riding after breakfast?"
"Yes, Mary, I will. Please send someone to ask Lord Ravenwood if he would care to join me, will you?"
"Oh, I don't think there will be any doubt about his lordship joinin' you," Mary said with a cheeky grin. "That man would accept an invitation to go all the way to America with you, if you asked him. The staff is enjoyin' the sight to no end, you know."
"Enjoying what sight?"
"Watchin' him fall all over himself tryin' to please you. Never seen the like. Reckon his lordship is thankin' his lucky stars he's got himself a wife who's very different from that witch he married the first time."
"Mary!"
"Sorry, ma'am. But you know as well as I do what they used to say about her back home in the village. Tweren't no secret. She was a wild one, she was. The brown or blue habit, my lady?"
"The new brown habit, I think, Mary. And that will be quite enough about the first Lady Ravenwood." Sophy spoke with what she hoped was a proper firmness. She did not want to hear about her predecessor today. The guilt she was suffering was causing her to wonder if, once he learned the truth, Julian would conclude she was very much like his first wife in certain scheming ways.