An hour later she found Julian waiting for her in the front hall. He looked very much at ease in his elegant riding clothes. The snug, light-colored breeches, knee-high boots, and close-fitting coat emphasized the latent power in his figure.
Julian smiled as Sophy came down the stairs. He held aloft a small basket. "I had Cook pack us a picnic lunch. Thought we could explore the old castle ruin we spotted on the hill overlooking the river. Does that appeal to you, madam?" He came forward to take her arm.
"That was very thoughtful of you, Julian," Sophy said humbly, striving to maintain a smile. His anxiousness to please her was touching and it only served to make her feel even more miserable.
"Have your maid run upstairs and fetch one of those lamentable books of yours. I can tolerate anything but the Wollstonecraft. I've picked out something from the library for myself. Who knows? If the sun stays out we may want to spend the afternoon reading under a tree somewhere along the way."
Her heart leapt for an instant. "That sounds lovely, my lord." Then reality returned. Julian would not be in any mood to sit reading with her under a tree in some leafy glade after she told him the awful truth.
He led her outside into the bright Spring sunshine. Two horses stood saddled and waiting, a blood bay gelding and Angel. Grooms stood at their heads. Julian watched Sophy's face carefully as he slid his hands around her waist and lifted her into the saddle. He looked relieved when she did not flinch at his touch.
"I'm glad you felt up to riding again today," Julian said as he vaulted into his saddle and took the reins. "I've missed our morning treks these past two days." He shot her a quick, assessing glance. "You are certain you will be, uh, comfortable?"
She blushed vividly and urged her mare into a trot.
"Most comfortable, Julian." Until I find the courage to tell you the whole truth and then I shall feel absolutely terrible. She wondered morosely if he would beat her.
An hour later they drew to a halt near the ruins of an old Norman castle that had once stood guard over the river. Julian dismounted and walked over to the gelding Sophy was riding. He lifted his wife gently out of the saddle. When her feet touched the ground he did not release her immediately.
"Is something wrong, my lord?"
"No." His smile was whimsical. "Not at all." He took his hand from her waist and carefully rearranged the plume that had fallen forward from the brim of her small brown velvet hat. The plume had been dangling at a typically precarious angle.
Sophy sighed. "That was one of the reasons I was such a failure during my short season in London. No matter how carefully my maid did my hair and arranged my clothing I always managed to arrive at the ball or the theater looking as if I'd just been run over by a passing carriage. I think I should like to have lived in a simpler time when people had fewer clothes to worry about."
"I would not mind living with you in such a time." Julians grin widened as he surveyed her attire. There was laughter in his sunlit green eyes. "You would look very good running about in very few clothes, madam."
She knew she was turning pink again. Hastily she swung away from him and started toward the tumbledown pile of rocks that comprised what was left of the old castle. At any other time Sophy would have found the ruin charmingly picturesque. Today she could hardly focus on it. "A lovely view, is it not? It reminds me of that old castle on Ravenwood land. I should have brought along my sketchbook."
"I did not mean to embarrass you, Sophy," Julian said quietly as he came up behind her. "Or frighten you by reminding you of the other night. I was just trying to make a little joke." He touched her shoulder. "Forgive me for my want of delicacy."
Sophy closed her eyes. "You did not frighten me, Julian."
"Whenever you move away from me like that I worry that I've given you some new cause to fear me."
"Julian, stop it. Stop it at once. I do not fear you."
"You do not need to lie to me, little one," he assured her gently. "I am well aware that it will be a long while before I can redeem myself in your eyes."
"Oh, Julian, if you say another word of apology I think I shall scream." She stepped away from him, not daring to glance back.
"Sophy? What the devil is wrong now? I am sorry if you do not care for my apologies but I have no honorable recourse other than to try to convince you they are genuine."
It was all she could do not to burst into tears. "You don't understand," she said miserably. "The reason I do not want to hear any more apologies is because they are… they are entirely unnecessary."
There was a short pause behind her before Julian said quietly, "You are not obliged to make matters easier on me."
She gripped her riding crop in both hands. "I am not trying to make matters easier. I am trying to set you straight on a few points about which I… I deliberately misled you."
There was another short pause. "I don't understand. What are you trying to say, Sophy? That my lovemaking was not as bad as I know it must have been? Please don't bother. We both know the truth."
"No, Julian, you do not know the truth. Only I know the truth. I have a confession to make, my lord, and I fear you are going to be excessively angry."
"Not with you, Sophy. Never with you."
"I pray you will remember that, my lord, but common sense tells me you will not." She gathered her courage, still not daring to turn around and face him. "The reason you need not apologize for what you think you did the other night is because you did nothing."
"What?"
Sophy wiped the back of her gloved hand across her eyes. In doing so she jarred her hat and the plume bobbed forward again. "That is to say, you did not do what you think you did."
The silence behind her grew deafening before Julian spoke again. "Sophy, the blood. There was so much blood."
She hurried on quickly before her courage deserted her entirely. "On my own behalf, I should like to point out that you did try to break the spirit of our agreement as far as I am concerned. I was quite nervous and very, very angry. I hope you will take that into consideration, my lord. You, of all people, know what it is to be in the grip of a fierce temper."
"Damn it, Sophy, what the devil are you talking about?" Julian's voice was far too quiet.
"I am trying to explain, my lord, that you did not assault me the other night. You just, well, that is to say, you merely went to sleep." Sophy finally turned slowly to confront him. He stood a short distance away, his booted feet braced slightly apart, his riding crop held alongside his thigh. His emerald gaze was colder than the outer reaches of Hades.
"I went to sleep?"
Sophy nodded and stared fixedly past his shoulder. "I put some herbs in your tea. You remember I told you I had something more effective than port for inducing sleep?"
"I remember," he said with terrible softness. "But you drank the tea also."
She shook her head. "I merely pretended to drink it. You were so busy complaining about Miss Wollstonecraft's book that you did not notice what I was doing."
He stalked one step closer. The riding crop flicked restlessly against his leg. "The blood. It was all over the sheet."
"More herbs, my lord. After you fell asleep I added them to the tea to produce a reddish stain on the sheets. Only I did not know how much liquid to use, you see and I was nervous and I spilled some and thus the spot grew somewhat larger than I had intended."
"You spilled some of the tea," he repeated slowly.
"Yes, my lord."
"Enough to make me think I had torn you most savagely."
"Yes, my lord."
"You are telling me that nothing happened that night? Nothing at all?"