Our tolerance of foreigners was soon tested. We were joined by a couple of downhill joggers who looked enviously at our patch of sitting space We edged up and offered four inches of ground In the spirit of Olympic idealism (and hoping to share their flagon, we made friends. They were sports fans from Germama. a couple of big, flabby, fair-haired River Rhenus wine merchants I recognised the pointed hoods they wore, on capes with triangular front flaps We discussed northern places. Then I joked, "So what made you get the date wrong?"
"Ah that Nero! He mixed us up "
The year before he died, the Emperor Nero had visited Greece on a grand tour Wanting to appear at all the traditional Games (and clearly oblivious to the Greeks-only rule, he had made the organisers bring forward the Olympic Games by two years, just so he could compete. He then outraged Greek sensibilities by "winning" first prize in the chariot race even though he fell out and never finished. Since then, the judges Nero bribed had had to pay the money back and the Games had been reassigned to their ancient four-year cycle – but people were now thoroughly confused
As younger men, the Germans had been here in that famous
imperial year of farce; they confirmed what we had heard attending the Games could be a nightmare.
"Thousands of people crammed into a temporary village that simply cannot hold them. The heat was unbearable No water, no public baths, no latrines, no accommodation available – The noise, the crush; the dust; the smoke; the long hours and the queues -"
"We had to sleep under a blanket tied to bushes last time. The permanent lodging houses are always taken by the rich athletics sponsors and the chariot-horse owners, who of course are even richer "
"So what did you do this year?"
"We brought a decent German tent!"
"But found there were no sports?"
"Oh we just enjoyed the magical atmosphere of the sanctuary, and promised ourselves we will come back next year."
"It's quite a trip for you."
"The Games are that special " Their eyes glazed, though that could have been the wine. "The remote sylvan place, the atmosphere of devotion, the spectacle – the victory feasts…"
We asked if they had heard about a Roman girl being murdered this year. They looked intrigued, but said no. Then one of the Germans solemnly pointed out "It is no place for a girl Women are traditionally barred from the site during the Games."
"Except virgins – so that's a rarity!" They both burst out laughing with full-bodied Rhineland humour.
We smiled politely but felt prim. Well, we were Romans talking to foreigners from one of our provinces. They were jolly lads, but it was our duty to civilise them. Not that I could see them submitting to the process.
Our awkwardness could only get worse We were now in the cradle of democracy, which we had seized for ourselves a couple of centuries ago. Nowhere in the Empire did Romans feel so out of place as in Greece. Imposing democracy on a country that in fact already possessed it raised a few questions. Bludgeoning the originators of the world's great ideas (and blatantly stealing the ideas) did not make us proud We were bound to spend a lot of time being lofty, during this trip It was our only defence
I could see that Seven Sights Travel might well bring their tours here in years when no Games were being held, in order to avoid the horrendous conditions we had just heard described. And if women
were still barred from attending the stadium and hippodrome, it would be tedious for female travellers in Olympic years Now Romans were in charge of this province, the men-only rule could have been abolished – but I knew that Rome tended to leave the Greeks to their own devices The Emperors wanted their own great festivals, held in Rome, to enhance their prestige It was not in their interests to modernise the old Hellenic ceremonies. They paid lip-service to history, but they liked to see rival attractions die out.
We could overlook the fact that one of our own rulers had devalued the judging I wondered what the imperial attitude would be if Olympia acquired a violent reputation Would Vespasian, the champion of family values, take it upon himself to have the place cleaned up?
Probably not It would be a Greek problem And if the victims were Romans, they would be seen here as bringing harm upon themselves. We would get the old excuses- outsiders failed to appreciate local customs, they were trouble makers who asked for it; rather than being pitied, the dead women ought to be blamed.
VII
Final stop. Olympia. Every seasoned traveller will tell you. always reach your day's destination while it is still light. Listen to this advice.
For instance, when approaching a settlement that lies between two substantial rivers, both prone to flooding, you will avoid the boggy ground. The surrounding hills will not loom dark and menacing; the pine trees will waft delicate odours, not creak above you threateningly You will be able to tell whether you are at a cow shed or a foodshop, and if a foodshop, it will be obvious that the owners have made their pile and shut up until the next festival, hence they have stacked the chairs on all the tables – so you will not make a fool of yourself demanding food from two sinister men without an oil lamp who would not have authority to sell you dinner even if there was any.
If you arrive by daylight, as you head further up the street, or what passes for a street, you won't be left wondering what disgusting mess you have just stepped in As you stumble uphill and downhill, trying to find the sanctuary, members of your party will not irritate all Hades out of you with endless arguments about whether the two men really had a love tryst at the dark bar Nor will you offend your companions by yelling at them to damned well keep together and stop wittering.
Nexf when you reach the welcome light of a luxurious two-storey hotel, you will not feel so relieved to find civilisation that you announce you will take the best room in the house – even though the leering porter exclaims what an excellent choice; it is the lovely corner room with dual-aspect views – a room which turns out to be thirty-five feet square, and blows your entire week"s budget.
After which, you may notice that this enormous building seems entirely empty so you could have haggled over the price – then you could have stuffed all the rest of your group at the far end of the hall and got some peace by yourself.
By this time, your wish to exclude others from your presence
includes your wife, •who will insist on asking why you are so proud you cannot simply go back to the leering porter and tell the bloody man that you have made a mistake and now want a cheaper room.
She is wasting her breath You are so exhausted you are face down, fast asleep
This is the best ploy, since you know from experience that – freed from the rules of paternalism – your dear wife will now quietly return to the leering porter herself and fix up the right accommodation. Probably at a discount.
If she still loves you, she will come back and get you.
If her name is Helena Justina, she may even wake you up in time to share with your companions some of your mother's spiced Roman sausage, now unpacked from among your spare tunics, along with a stoneware bottle of passable Greek wine which Helena Justina, the delight of your heart, has persuaded the porter to give to her as a welcome-to-Olympia present.
VIII
Dawn brought sunlight and harmony to the broad, wooded valley A cockerel woke us early, then went on crowing all day long We rose from our beds like good tourists, hungry for breakfast and history Tourists revive fast Once I had cleaned off yesterday evening's cattle dung from my boots, we were ready for the next long day of stress
We were staying at the Leomdaion, courtesy of one Leomdas of Naxos, who had cannily provided his descendants with an income by building this enormous old hostel for visiting VIP's The four-square monster had a quiet central courtyard with shrubs, water features, and a few chairs, where the night-watchman, who doubled as the day porter at present, told us with relish that he did not provide breakfast out of season Luckily the boys came back from a walk, bearing pastries, we spread ourselves in one of the outer colonnades and while we were eating, the porter gave in to the chance to make a quick drachma, and reported that his sister would make us evening meals We thanked him, and made him accountable for our luggage Helena asked if he had seen anything of her brother Aulus, but he said not We went out to play