…”
“That is an absurd thing to say, Erin! No child deserves to be abused, period. I can’t believe you would even think like that.”
“You could never understand, Tom. No one can. I felt lucky just having a roof over my head and living a fairly normal life instead of being forced to live in some awful orphanage. I can’t begin to describe what goes on in orphanages but trust me, it’s worse than you could ever imagine.”
“All I know is that I hope they punished the bastard who did that to you. What ever became of him?”
“I don’t know-I never heard any more about it. I had to go back to the orphanage after that, which was in Cleveland, until someone else adopted me again.”
“And how long was that?”
“Too long. I started picking up some pretty bad habits at the orphanage.”
“Like?”
“Stealing. Smoking cigarettes. Lying. Drinking. Should I go on?”
“I’ve got the idea. Go on,” Tom said, feeling sick in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling of what was coming next.
“By the time my most recent foster parents adopted me, I was a teenager. And they were very good people. The only problem was, I didn’t realize that at the time.”
“How’s that?”
“Oh, I put them through so much hell! I was a horrible kid-I hated school, got into fights, drank and smoked much of the time. I even got into shoplifting just for the thrill of it! And my parents tried so hard to get me under control. But it was useless. I was useless…
“I eventually fell in with a pretty bad bunch of kids, to say the least. We skipped school all the time, went out to the lake and got high instead of going to classes. Basically, I was an incorrigible delinquent. By the time I was a sophomore, my high school career was all but over before it had really begun.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I got suspended twice and almost got expelled altogether. Yeah, I was that bad! But before I could totally screw up at school, Kyle came along to save me.”
Tom noted the sarcasm in her voice. She continued.
“I was partying with some friends one night when I met Kyle. He seemed like this really cool dude because he dressed so weird and was from New York, which we all thought was about as awesome as you could get! We got high together and talked about all kinds of stuff and I just went crazy over him. He really seemed to like me, too.
“He told me all about New York, and how he had his own movie production company in Manhattan. I was impressed and asked him how old he was. He told me he was twenty-three and had graduated from N.Y.U. with a degree in film the year before. Then he told me that I should go back to New York with him-that I could be a model or an actress if I was willing to work hard enough. He said I had a great look and that he had all kinds of connections. He told me that the industry was always looking for cute young girls like me.
“I was of course floored by all of this! I mean, New York City-a model or an actress- me? I basically asked him when we could leave and if now was too soon!”
Tom imagined the scenario Erin had just described: wayward teenage girl, potential school dropout at age fifteen or sixteen and seasoned partier who had zero self esteem being confronted by Mr. Big City Shit, dressed hip and years older, with his own “movie production company” in Manhattan at age twenty-three, ready to make a star out a vulnerable young girl whose life already seemed like a dead-end street
…
Could Erin have fallen for a character like Kyle any easier?
“So that night, literally, I went home, told my folks I was going to bed, then packed up and snuck out my window without them even hearing me. Then I left with Kyle to the city.”
Tom was floored. At the drop of a hat, this young impressionable girl had run away with a virtual stranger who was eight years her senior to New York to pursue an acting or modeling career. The rest of this story could only get worse.
“So how did that go?” he asked.
“Well, at first it was exciting. I mean, it was pretty obvious that Kyle had exaggerated somewhat-his movie production company wasn’t much more than an extra room in his apartment. But I really didn’t care, I was just so thrilled to actually be living in New York City! The people, the buildings, the lights, Broadway, everything!”
“So his apartment was in Manhattan?”
“Well, no. It was actually in Brooklyn. But we were only twenty minutes from midtown,” she added. “Anyway, I decided to call my foster parents to let them know I was okay. They of course wanted to know where I was and begged me to come back. I just told them that I would keep in touch and not to worry about me. I felt bad for them, but I really thought I was doing the right thing at the time.”
“So how did you make ends meet? Did Kyle have a regular job to pay the rent?”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
“He, uh, sort of had his own side business,” she replied slowly.
“You mean making movies?”
“Well, he did that, too. But he got most of his money from dealing.”
“Great,” Tom muttered.
“I’m not going to make any excuses for him. He was a drug dealer and it got scary at times. I mean, strange people bopping in at all hours wanting to score some weed or coke. I once begged him to give it up because it was only a matter of time before we got in trouble and he, uh, wasn’t very happy with me.”
“Meaning?”
“He beat the crap out of me-I sure learned not to do anything like that again!”
“Jesus, Erin. Why did you stay with him?”
“I don’t know-I was just young and ignorant. I really believed that I could go somewhere there, model or something. And besides that, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I was stubborn and did not want to go back to boring Cleveland. So I figured I was better off where I was.
“It wasn’t always as bad as it sounds-at least not for awhile, anyway. Kyle was a really good photographer and shot a modeling portfolio for me. It was really good. I showed my book around and went to a few go-sees. I almost got a couple of jobs, too, but it is really competitive in the modeling industry.
“Kyle started getting pissed off that I wasn’t getting hired anywhere so he thought of another way to bring some money in.” She said this under her breath so softly that Tom could barely hear her.
“What was that?”
“Porn. He started taking shots of me for the internet.”
She saw the expression on Tom’s face and quickly added, “I told you I wasn’t proud of my past! Now you hate me, don’t you?”
“Erin, I do not hate you. And I wish I could say that I’m surprised to be hearing all of this but I’m not. Kyle reminded me of a very shady character who was quite capable of taking advantage of a young impressionable fifteen year old if given half the chance.”
Erin sighed. “Well, it gets worse,” she declared dismally. “At first he shot stills of me and uploaded them to kiddy porn sites. He had me, uh, get naked and pose in all kinds of positions. Then he decided that that wasn’t enough, that he needed to ‘spice things up a bit,’ as he put it.”
Tom braced himself. “How was that?”
“He had a friend, Gino, who started posing with me. He had me-do stuff to him. It was disgusting! I told Kyle I didn’t want to do those things!” she cried.
Tom reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “Erin, you don’t have to go on with this. It’s only getting you upset.”
She gazed at him in earnest. “No, Tom, I want to tell you this. I need to get this off of my chest and be up front with you about me.”
“Okay, kiddo, it’s your call.”
“Kyle basically didn’t give a damn what I didn’t want to do. You see, by this time he had gotten more and more into drugs-not just selling them but taking them, too. He started doing a lot of crack and his personality changed a lot for the worse. He didn’t really care about me anymore, he just wanted to use me. I realize that now, of course, but I was clueless back then. You see, I was starting to do drugs, too. I was messed up half the time.”