She was right, of course. He had blown off the matter like batting away an annoying fly. But he had never considered for a moment that she would abort the child. In fact he had Tom looked away from Mindy, trying his damnedest not to let his emotions show. The cold, hard truth reared its ugly head: he had in fact not given any of this any thought back then! He had simply told Mindy to go away and not to bother him with it, not considering the possible consequences for even a moment of his precious time.
Could he really blame her for not having the child?
“I’m sorry, Mindy. I understand why you did what you did. I was a total asshole about it. I just wish that-”
“That I would have told you I was having an abortion? And what good do you suppose that would have done?”
She had taken the words right out of his mouth. And again, she was dead right. Had Mindy called back to tell him that she was going to have an abortion, he would have simply told her it was fine with him, to go ahead and do it. He may have actually had the decency to offer to pay for it. But he would not have wanted her to have the child-that much he knew. He had been much too busy with his life in the Big Apple to even give that the slightest consideration.
But still… Didn’t he at least have some say in the matter? She could have at least given him the option to oppose the abortion, for chrissakes! After all, it had taken both of them to make the baby.
“I think you should have called me first, at least,” he finally said.
“Why? So you could tell me that I had your permission to murder our child? Because you know as well as I do that you would not have wanted to be a father to that baby. Nor would you have offered to help pay any of the expenses in raising it. C’mon Tom, admit it!”
Tom lowered his head and replied, “You’re probably right.”
He looked into her eyes again. He saw a single tear stream down her cheek and drop off of her chin. He scooted over on the sofa and put his arms around her. He held her close.
“God Mindy, I’m so sorry. I was such a jerk back then. It’s just that I didn’t want to believe I had gotten you pregnant in the first place. I mean, look at the odds! We’d only been together that one night and surely you were-”
She pushed him away. “Screwing other guys? Is that what you were going to say, Tom?”
Tom felt as low as he could go.
“Screw you, Tom! Just for your information, you were the first guy I had gone to bed with in over six months! That is how far off you were in your brilliant deduction of the situation. Granted, I was drunk and aggressive that night in the bar-it’s not like I don’t like to go out and have a good time once in a while-but that doesn’t make me a slut. Which is apparently what you thought I was.”
Her words stung. And as he considered the intensity with which she argued her case, he knew that it was all probably true. He had unfairly misjudged this girl-big time.
And had he known then what he knew now…
“All I can say is that I’m sorry, Mindy. I obviously was wrong about a lot of things back then.”
“Listen, Tom. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought back to the day I had the abortion. I think of how my life could have been different if I wouldn’t have done it. Had I kept the child, maybe I would never have made the mistake of hooking up with Charlie. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and have no regrets whatsoever about the beautiful children Charlie and I made together. But that man has ruined my life. He abused me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I’m afraid of him every time I get up in the morning- terrified that he is going to get out of prison and murder me and the children. The man is a maniac! And he is going to get out of prison one of these days-he only got five years. And then he’s going to find me and kill all of us. I just know it!”
Tom winced. It now hit home just how much his actions twenty years ago had changed this woman’s entire life. He felt weak and sick to his stomach.
What a selfish prick he’d been!
He was momentarily speechless. He wanted nothing more than to explain to Mindy that he had changed since then, and if he had it all to do again, he would never have left her in the lurch like that. He would have offered to support the child and do the responsible thing…
But all of this would just sound like so much drivel to Mindy Conkel Gossett. Even if she believed him, which he doubted she would, what difference would it make? What had happened had happened-there was no turning back the hands of time.
“I’m so sorry, Mindy,” he said again.
“It’s okay, Tom. I’ve long since learned how to live with it and get on with my life. We were both young and foolish back then and I probably got what I deserved. The Lord saw to it that I paid for my mistakes.”
Tom wanted to protest, but didn’t. At that moment, he wanted to take Mindy in his arms and apologize a hundred times over for ruining her life. And tell her that he didn’t deserve her forgiveness, for what he had done simply wasn’t forgivable. And that she was wrong in thinking that she deserved the miserable life she had been living thanks to Charlie Gossett.
In fact, he wanted to tell her that if anyone deserved to be punished for all of this, it would be his own lame ass…
But Tom kept these thoughts and words to himself. Instead, he decided that he would simply thank Mindy for seeing him on such short notice, wish her well, then get back on road before the storm hit.
And that is just what he did.
CHAPTER 21
There was a good four inches of snow on the ground by the time he approached the Columbus city limits. Tom was thankful for the lack of heavy traffic on I-71 as he proceeded north on the slick freeway at forty-five miles an hour.
He tried Tracy’s home number and got her voicemail again. Shit! he thought. Why hadn’t he ever stored her cell phone number into his contacts? The battery strength indicator was showing a single flickering bar. His power was all but shot.
He cursed again and flipped the phone shut, feeling like Captain Kirk unable to reach the Enterprise.
“We are in grave need of some dilithium crystals here, Scotty,” he murmured to the Jeep’s vacant interior.
Tom planned on going directly to Tracy’s apartment whether he reached her or not. He was about to crawl out of his skin. He needed to talk to her-to let her know how he felt about things.
He pulled onto the Hudson Street exit and headed west at the light. When he reached Summit Street, he hung a left and noted that none of the streets had been plowed or salted yet. It looked like a ghost town.
And it was really dark. Too dark, in fact…
Tom slowed down and glanced at the windows of the houses he passed by. No lights on. The streetlights weren’t even lit.
The frigging power was off!
Deja vu swept over him and Tom began to panic. Suddenly, he felt like he was re-living his dream. Deep snow, no traffic and no power. The sudden impulse to scream was strong, but his curiosity was even stronger.
He flipped opened the cell phone.
It was as dead as a doornail.
The battery had totally died.
With his heart in his throat, he slowed down to a crawl and began looking for Tracy’s apartment building. It should have been easy enough to find, but the street was shrouded in darkness and the houses were set back far from the street. He finally reached the intersection of Holmes Road and spotted Tracy’s apartment building on the corner. He pulled onto Holmes to access the building’s parking lot located behind in the ally.
As he was about to pull into the ally, a car suddenly sped out in front of him and fishtailed wildly before straightening out and flying down Holmes. Tom hit the brakes hard to avoid smacking into the careening car, sending the Jeep into a slide before it came to rest against the curb.
Tom’s first reaction to the near-collision car was shock, which gave way to momentary relief It meant he wasn’t the only person alive, which was a good thing.