I couldn’t believe she’d even consider it.
“That would be a crime,” I said quietly.
“You can talk!” she snorted, pointing her chin at my buzz cut.
“Believe me, babe, I’d grow it if I could. Maybe I should go to my CO and tell him my girlfriend wants me to…”
Ah shit. So shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t my girlfriend—I wasn’t anything to her.
She sighed, our attempt at levity gone again, killed by a severe case of foot-in-mouth. I suspected it was terminal.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I keep forgetting which decade I’m in, too. It’s so strange.”
I nodded, relieved that she understood.
“Yeah, this is so weird, I feel the same. It’s as if nothing’s changed but everything’s changed. It’s like being in some crazy time machine. I keep expecting your husband to be banging down the door.”
She winced, and I wanted to kick my own ass.
“Fuck, sorry. I’m doing it again.”
She smiled painfully.
“Oh well, I imagine you’ve had some experience with husbands banging on the door.”
No, I wasn’t taking that hit.
“Don’t, Caro.”
Our eyes met in the mirror, then she pushed past me, back into the bedroom.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why did I keep on saying the wrong thing? I took a deep breath, then remembered that she’d come in here to get some water. I took the glass from beside the sink and filled it from the faucet.
When I walked back into the bedroom, she was sitting on the bed, her back toward me. I walked around and handed it to her. She took a small sip before placing it on the cabinet.
“Thank you.”
I sat back on the bed, covering my lower half with the sheet. I tried to think of how to explain the confusion I felt—the confusion that she must feel, too. Our relationship, if you could call it that, had fallen apart 10 years ago, and now we were trying to fix it based on an hour of sex? Even I knew it would take more than that.
“Caro, I know this is fucking weird but it’s good, too, isn’t it? I mean, not everyone gets a second chance.”
“Is that what this is, a second chance?” she snapped. “But a second chance at what? A second chance to rip ourselves apart again?”
She sounded pissed and made an obvious effort to calm herself.
“Today was fun,” she said carefully, “and tonight was … good…”
Just good? I came so hard I saw stars.
“But the reality is this: I’m based in New York and spend between three and six months of the year away from home. You’re a Marine and go wherever they send you. Presumably this next tour of Afghanistan will be six months or maybe longer? And then where, because let’s face it, Sebastian, the chances of you getting posted to the Corps’ Division of Public Affairs in New York is slim to none—especially with your record. So I’m not sure what sort of ‘second chance’ you have in mind.”
No way! No fucking way was she going to fuck us up again with this dumb crap!
I leapt off the bed, glaring down at her, fists clenched and trying not to yell.
“Christ, it’s like listening to an old record, Caro! You always try to think of reasons why we can’t be together!”
Her expression was confused.
“What do you mean ‘always’? I haven’t seen you for ten years.”
“That’s the whole fucking point!” I yelled, my determination to keep calm crumbling. “You used to say this shit to me when I was 17, and you’re still doing it now. We wasted 10 years and you’re worried about a few thousand miles? Hell, we’ve got airplanes, we’ve got email, they’ve invented fucking cell phones. I could even take the shitty option of a billet on recruiting duty anywhere in the US. Jesus, if it comes down to it, I’ll even write you a fucking letter!”
Her mouth dropped open then twisted as if she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry.
“You write letters?” she asked.
My shoulders relaxed slightly, but I was still angry and determined to force the point.
“I’ll write you on both sides of the fucking paper, Caro.”
A smile quivered at the corners of her mouth.
“How can I refuse such an astonishing offer?”
“Are you laughing at me?” I snapped.
“Are you shouting at me?” she shot back.
“Yes!”
“Then, ‘yes’ to you, too.” She sighed again. “Look, today, tonight—it’s been fun. But like I said to you before, I’m really not looking to get tied down again. I work a lot and I love what I do. I’m still mad at you for screwing up my travel papers. I won’t get paid until I’ve filed a story, and I won’t be able to do that until I get to Leatherneck. All this time, I’m not earning—and I have a very expensive mortgage to finance.”
I let my hands rest on my hips, not caring that I was utterly naked, and I looked her in the eye.
“I’m sorry about the money, Caro, and I’m sorry that I made you mad at me again, but I’m not sorry about what I did. I hoped I’d get a chance to spend some time with you, but I would have done it just to keep you safe.”
She shook her head. “This is getting us nowhere.”
Defeated, I sat down on the edge of the bed with my back to her, letting my head hang down.
Nothing I said seemed to change her mind. I took my final shot.
“Caro, I’ve got 17 days before I ship out. I’d like to spend them with you. That’s all. If you don’t want to see me after that … well, I guess that’s it.”
I turned to look at her over my shoulder.
“What do you say?”
She didn’t reply. I stood up, preparing to dress and leave before she broke me completely.
But then she spoke.
“I’m going to need a cushion to sit on if you expect me to ride on that motorcycle of yours all the way to Salerno.”
She was saying yes?
“Really? You’re sure?”
“Well, to paraphrase you, what the hell.” She paused. “But I reserve the right to fly back if you’re being too much of an ass.”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“Huh, well, you’d better give me a sliding scale of assaholic behavior, just so I know.”
She raised an eyebrow. “That could be quite a long list.”
“Try me.”
“Okay,” she said, sitting up straight and diving right in. “First, no getting drunk and passing out in my bed; second, no more interference in my career of any kind—that’s a deal breaker; third, no territorial displays of adolescent jealousy; fourth…”
Wow, that list was getting long already.
I jumped on her, pinning her to the mattress, my kisses hard and determined. They weren’t the only things that were hard—just being near her was enough to get the juices flowing, and my dick was fighting its way through her bathrobe. But then she pushed me off.
“What was that all about?” she asked breathlessly.
I shrugged.
“It sounded like a very long list, I thought I’d try to distract you.”
“Diversionary tactics?”
“Yeah, we’re schooled on that in the Marines,” I agreed, my lips twitching with a smile.
“I bet you are! And by the way,” she said, pointing at my dick, “you can put that away—I’m exhausted. Somebody dragged me all over Switzerland and half of France today.”
“Sure I can’t persuade you?” I asked, leaning down to bite her thigh.
She jumped and pulled her robe together tightly.
“Quite sure, thank you. This forty-year-old woman needs her beauty sleep.”
God, that made me furious. She was beautiful—anyone could see it. Anyone but her, apparently. It irritated the fuck out of me that she was still playing the same riff from ten years ago.