She looked annoyed and my heart punched against my ribs.
I had to get out. I needed to get out.
I don’t remember anything about the last 45 minutes of the seminar. As soon as Parsons cleared his throat, signaling the end, I was on my feet.
But before I managed to leave the room, Caro spoke to me.
“May I have a word, please?”
I almost skidded to a halt, afraid to turn and look at her, afraid of how I’d feel to look in her eyes again. All my plans for ignoring her were shot through and shredded; and all it took was one glance from her.
“I’m rather busy, Ms. Venzi,” I coughed out.
“Too busy to say ‘hello’?” she snapped.
God, she was so beautiful.
And then I realized I hadn’t answered her.
“Yes, I’m too busy for that,” and I ran.
Fucking pussy! Candy-ass chickenshit fucking pussy!
I couldn’t go back, but I couldn’t kid myself anymore either. I wanted her. Badly. And maybe, if I had her one more time, I could stop thinking about her. Maybe if I fucked her hard, I could exorcise her ghost once and for all. Maybe revenge was what I needed.
Maybe.
On impulse I stopped and bought some condoms from a small pharmacy. I got a semi just thinking about using them with her. I knew I wasn’t making any sense—I hated her and she hated me—but I couldn’t help myself.
Jesus, just seeing her, and I was suddenly 17 again.
How the hell was I going to make that fucking fantasy happen? I’d barely spoken to her for the last two days.
I needed to talk to her, but I needed to get her alone.
I wandered through Geneva, trying to work out what I was going to say to her, how I’d get to fuck her. We used to have this amazing chemistry. We’d just look at each other and get turned on. I wondered if it was still there.
My steps slowed as my thoughts grew heavier, remembering everything that had passed between us, the plans we’d made. Fuck, we’d talked about it alclass="underline" living together, marriage, kids. I’d wanted it all with her—and I thought she’d wanted it with me.
I realized I’d stopped walking and was standing outside a jewelers. One of those small, unassuming, family-run places that you could still find in the old part of Geneva.
My eyes were drawn to a display and I found myself staring at rings. One of them caught my attention—a smallish but pretty single diamond mounted on a gold band. The breath left my body as I imagined how that would look on her small hand, with those delicate fingers that used to touch…
This was seriously fucked up. I needed to walk away, fast. But I couldn’t. Instead, I went inside and was soon talking to the sales assistant, an elderly man who looked like a gnome. He was showing me the ring and placing it in a dark blue satin ring box, and I was handing over my credit card for €2700.
Back in the fresh air, I knew I’d lost my goddamn mind, but somehow I didn’t care. I imagined saying the words, asking her to … yeah, right. As if.
Eventually I went home and took another shower, then changed into civvies. I was going to go straight to her hotel; I’d talk to her, seduce her, take her to bed and fuck her brains out.
I pussied out.
Instead, I went back to L’Antidote and started drinking.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her—and I had no fucking clue how to start. I had another drink, trying to calm the fuck down. Then another. And another.
When I’d finally gotten up the courage, I headed towards Caro’s hotel near the Place des Nations. For some reason, my body seemed disconnected from my feet. It took for-fucking-ever to get my ass going in the right direction. Weird.
All of a sudden I was standing in front of her hotel room, with no recollection of how I had even gotten there. I knew where she was staying from the security briefing info in her file. And now, she was just a few feet away from me.
I knocked three times.
There was a pause followed by a scuffling sound, then her voice.
“Who is it?”
“Let me in, Caro.”
There was another pause—longer this time.
“What do you want, Sebastian?” she called through the door.
Fuck. This wasn’t going how I’d planned. She needed to open the door for me to speak to her properly.
“Let me in. I need to talk to you.”
I banged on the door again.
“Caro!”
Slowly, the door opened. All she was wearing was a thin, silky robe.
My cock leapt to attention as my eyes drank her in.
“Caro.”
Christ it felt good to say her name.
“What do you want, Sebastian?”
No, not like this. I needed to be in the same room as her. I pushed my way past her. Fuck, she smelled good. I was inside the room, but I wanted to be inside her.
“What are you doing?” she asked sharply.
She was so feisty. God, I loved that about her.
“Catching up with old friends,” I said, smiling at her.
“How did you find me?”
Seriously? Didn’t she know what I did?
“Military intelligence,” I grinned, tapping the side of my head.
I thought that was as funny as fuck. It occurred to me that I might be a little drunk.
While she closed the door, I took off my jacket and threw it onto the chair. Then I sat on the bed and hoped she’d take the hint.
“Come and sit with me, Caro.”
But she stayed standing, her arms folded across her chest.
Beautiful.
“Why are you here, Sebastian? You had your chance to talk to me earlier today, but you preferred to ignore me.”
Did I?
“You still have a great ass, Caro.”
Tight and round and perfect in my hands when we…
“Okay, I think you’d better go now,” she said. “Whatever you have to say to me can wait until you’re sober.”
She had a great everything.
She walked towards me and my heart started pounding in my chest again. Christ, it hurt so fucking much. How could it hurt so much if I wasn’t dying? Or maybe I was. I didn’t know anymore. Because when she came towards me, it was just her and me again. Just us. No one else. She wove her magic and the world went away.
I pulled the robe open and buried my head in her body, kissing her, relishing the feel of her flesh against my lips. It had been so long. So long.
I tried to tell her that I loved her, that I’d always loved her. I don’t know if she could understand what I was saying. I just knew that her arms were around me and we were together again.
I don’t remember much about what happened then, but I fell asleep with her at my side.
The next morning I woke to the sound of an alarm ringing in my ear—it was fucking annoying. Then I realized I wasn’t in my apartment—and I wasn’t alone.
I peeled my eyelids and looked up. Warm brown eyes the color of melted chocolate gazed down at me.
“Caro?”
I wasn’t sure if I was still dreaming.
“You’re awake then,” she said pointedly.
Oh. Awake. Right.
And yet again: what the fuck?
I vaguely remembered coming to her hotel and wanting to fuck her. Did we do it? I had no memory. What a fucking irony: I’d planned to get rid of that ghost once and for all—and I couldn’t even remember doing it.
“Did we…?”
“No, we most definitely did not,” she hissed, her eyes shooting bullets at me. “You woke me up in the middle of the night by banging on my door, and then passed out on my bed.”
Shit. She sounded pissed.
“Oh, right.”