I guess Dad had heard enough.
“I talked to Caryn. They’ve arranged your recruiting trips.”
“Our first one is next weekend, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Wisconsin. We’re leaving after your Orange/Blue game to drive up. It looks like Tim and Wolf’s dads will be joining us.”
“I call shotgun!”
I could imagine them putting the three of us in the back row. Wolf, Tim, and I were big boys, and it would be cramped.
◊◊◊
When we got to my uncle’s farm, Bonnie had brunch ready. Once we were done, Uncle John looked at me.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he suggested.
I looked around, and everyone stared back at me. Crud! This was some kind of intervention.
“Okay.”
We headed along the fence row in silence. I wasn’t falling for the talking-first game. If my uncle had something to say, he needed to get the ball rolling. He glanced over at me with a sly smile.
“There’s no doubt you’re a Dawson.”
“Was there ever any?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“No,” he said and then got to the point. “I thought it might be time we took a step back and looked at the big picture. You’ve been going nonstop for three years now. You’re about to enter your last year of high school and need to start considering what comes after.”
“Where do you want to start?” I asked.
“Where do you see your life going? What legacy do you want to leave?” Uncle John asked.
“What do you mean?”
“If you could look back on your life, what would you like to accomplish?”
“I can’t even decide whether I want to play football, baseball, or do movies after college. I have no idea what the future holds,” I said.
“They’re just a means to an end. You could skip all that and merely live off what you’ll make in the next year and a half, with the movie deals you have in place. If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t have to do any of those things. You could retire and get married. Give Coby a bunch of little brothers and help them find their way.
“I guess what I’m asking is, regardless of which path you take, what’s the final destination?” Uncle John asked.
“Down the road, I want to look back and see that the people closest to me all achieved their dreams. I’d like to see that all the little ones have grown to their full potential. I want to feel that I have helped others. As much as anything else, I want to make a difference. I can’t really imagine myself sitting around and just enjoying life. I want to feel that I was useful.”
“Is there something specific you want to accomplish?”
“You mean like bring peace to, and end hunger for, the world?” I asked.
“Good. Pick one and think about what it would take to accomplish it, and how it would change your life goals. How would it affect your friends and family? Who would you have to bring into your circles of trust? Do you see where I’m going with this?” Uncle John asked.
“Why is this something I need to worry about now?” I asked.
“Because it will help you decide on what college you attend, whether you play college ball or focus on your studies, do you continue making movies, and so on. My dad sat me down when I was your age. Everyone knew your dad didn’t want to follow your grandfather into politics, and it was put to me that I was the successor.
“I suspect that if I hadn’t had those talks, I’d be in politics right now. I will give my dad credit; he never pushed me into anything. Now my mom was another story. While I love her to death, I want you to know that you don’t have to follow her grand plan. You don’t have to be the governor, senator, or president someday, if you don’t want to. Your dad and I can have a talk with her and slow her down,” he said.
“So, what do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Slow down and give your future some serious thought. I’ve watched you take on one thing after another, and you’ve been smart enough to ask for help when needed. I think you know that, whatever you plan, you won’t do it alone.
“But a lot of what you’ve done has happened by chance. Think about it. I called a friend, and the next thing you know, you’re going out for football. Someone saw you, and suddenly you’ve been contacted to model. The football and modeling lead to you meeting someone who recommends you for a part in a movie. While filming a movie, you’re sent to a hitting coach who leads to you being on the Under-18 USA Baseball Team.
“We’ve taught you to put yourself out there and opportunities will happen. You’ve done an excellent job of seizing those opportunities and making the most of them. What I want to point out is that you might want to start purposely creating the opportunities that lead you to where you want to go. That is, instead of just letting things happen,” Uncle John explained.
It had worked out so far, but I saw his point. My problem was, what senior in high school knew what they wanted to be when they grew up? I would bet if you asked 100 forty-year-olds if they ended up doing what their teen selves planned, it would be a tiny number that had. Either something happened to change their direction, or they discovered through life’s experience that what they thought they wanted didn’t work for them.
When I reflected on what my uncle had said, I think I understood better. It didn’t matter if I made movies, played baseball, or football. What he was asking wasn’t how I planned to get there, but where did I want to end up. From him working with me on my life goals, I recognized that even if my path took some unexpected turns, I could still get where I wanted in the end.
This all tied into my circles of trust, too. If I knew my ultimate goal, it would change who ended up closest to me. It would never affect my family and closest friends. But it would help me identify the types of people with whom I needed to cultivate relationships to help me reach those goals.
I could also see how this fit with his talk on the Alpha Male and how he could lead. The big lesson from that was that I could do more with delegating than I could by trying to be in control all the time. Delegation was contrary to the first instinct of an Alpha Male.
I chuckled when I realized that our guys’ weekends all had a purpose. He had been leading me to this point. It wasn’t about what I wanted to do when I grew up; it was about what would be my legacy. Would I leave a lasting mark, or would I fade into the sunset as so many people did? Fading into the sunset wasn’t all bad. If I could help my family and friends achieve their goals, what would it matter if anyone remembered me?
I hated my uncle. Why did he have to open my eyes to this? I was happy just doing what I was doing and letting what came next, come.
But I realized that I would miss too much if I continued down this path. I imagined that was why people like Matt Damon became activists for causes they believed in.
It wasn’t about charity work, either. I’d watched my dad work to make Greg and me into self-sufficient young men. He’d spent time with us talking about absolutely everything; taught us to cook and take care of ourselves. He’d stepped up and helped me with my businesses. I wouldn’t be half the person I was now without his patience and guidance.
I’d been given a great opportunity and a support system to help me do anything. The question was, what did I want?
“This is a lot to consider. It’s more than I can figure out this afternoon,” I admitted.
“You may never figure it all out. What I want you to do is start thinking longer term. Stop reacting to things and create a plan. You have the framework in place with your circles of trust and life goals. If you add the long-term to your considerations, it’ll make you realize what matters and what doesn’t. Not every opportunity that comes your way fits into what you want in the long run.”
◊◊◊
On our ride home, I talked to my parents about it. I noticed they didn’t offer any advice, they just listened.