◊◊◊
I got pulled out of first period to meet with Vice Principal Palm to go over my speech. Once we sat down in his office, he began to ramble.
“David, I wanted to make some modifications to your speech …”
I tuned him out as I mentally reviewed for next period’s Calculus class that had Dare all worked up. Somehow, he’d found out that both Gina and I were still ahead of him, grade-wise. Once he shared that, and Gina and I recognized how much it made him lose his mind, we’d called my former tutor, Suzanne, to help us.
Honestly, I didn’t really care if he got a higher score in the class. An ‘A’ was an ‘A,’ after all. Only the boy genius would obsess over something like that.
“I took the liberty of retyping your speech,” Mr. Palm said to end his monologue.
“Thanks,” I said as he handed it to me.
“I have to say that you took my suggestions well. Not everyone would be so cooperative. I appreciate you working with me on this.”
I gave him my best winning smile and put my hand out for him to shake.
“Thank you, sir. I’m sure my speech will just be a formality for our upcoming graduation event. I wouldn’t want to say anything that might cause you or any of the other members of the school administration potential heartburn.”
“That’s very adult of you,” he said as I left.
I waited until I made it to my math class before I threw his speech into the trash. As I did so, I considered maybe pulling it out because I hadn’t written mine yet, and when I’d contacted Frank to help me, he’d laughed. He claimed it was a rite of passage into the adult world to have to write a speech like this. Frank did agree to proofread it once I’d finished it. I suspected he wanted to manage me like Mr. Palm had tried to.
The clock hit the hour, and the test began with the sound of turning pages as we all looked at our test questions. I got to work and almost laughed. Most of the problems were recycled from or variants on the test Suzanne had sent us. I looked over at Gina, and our eyes locked for a moment. Dare was going down.
◊◊◊
By lunchtime, it was a toss-up as to what commanded more attention: test anxiety, state-championship mania, or yearbook signing. The other students had discovered the Granny’s West ad, and I got cornered at lunch by all the underclass boys. My usual tablemates decided to abandon me.
“Give me a few minutes to eat my lunch, and then I’ll sign them,” I said to set expectations.
I had about thirty freshmen surround me as they watched me eat today’s mystery meat surprise the lunch ladies had offered. I suspected they had cleaned out their freezers, and we had hit the bottom of the barrel on this one.
Once I finished my meal, I stood up to organize this chaos.
“This is how it’s going to work. I want you to line up, and if you expect me to sign yours, you have to sign mine. Just keep in mind,” I said as I paused for effect, “my mother will be reading this, and she knows your parents. If you don’t want her at your front door, make sure you don’t write anything you’ll regret.”
I spotted a girl in the group.
“Everyone line up behind Kelly,” I announced.
We’d been forming lines since kindergarten, so they quickly complied.
It ended up going better than I expected. By the end of lunch, I had writer’s cramp, but I’d knocked out about half the people that had this period’s lunch.
As I walked to class, I was hounded to sign yearbooks. This had to stop, so I diverted to the office. My new best friend, Vice Principal Palm, agreed to set up a table in the field house where I would sign yearbooks after school. He made an announcement to that effect and said I was to be left alone until then.
◊◊◊
After school, I made my way to the field house and found the table set up with two chairs. I didn’t understand why there were two. There was another table there staffed by the yearbook committee so anyone who hadn’t picked theirs up yet was able to.
Several students had already lined up when I sat down to begin signing. The seat next to me was taken by none other than Destiny Crown. I looked a question at her.
“I’m head cheerleader,” she told me.
This was her big moment, so I didn’t comment.
We worked out a system. I would sign and then hand the yearbook to Destiny to sign. She and I had ours out front so they could sign our books. Being a girl, she wanted to talk to everyone. I put a stop to that because she slowed the process down, which earned me a derisive look. I ignored her and figured that if she wanted to horn in, she could suck it up and talk to them later.
I ended up signing yearbooks for nearly two hours before I had to go play ball.
◊◊◊
Cassidy had waited for me by the bus.
“Your mom figured you wouldn’t get a chance to eat,” she said as she handed me a bag of food.
“Thanks.”
I took the bag to my seat next to Wolf. He didn’t look right.
“What’s your problem?” I asked.
“My stomach feels like Misery has taken up residence and is trying to claw her way out.”
Misery was Wolf’s ‘attack cat’ from Precious’s litter. She turned out to be a complete klutz and scared of her own shadow. The image of his cat clawing her way out of his stomach amused me.
“Are you nervous about the game? Because we got this,” I assured him.
“I’ve played in a lot of big games, but I’ve never felt like this,” he shared.
I thought for a moment. Wolf was usually the one who got everyone to calm down, and he did it with jokes. I waited until everyone was seated and we were on our way to State before I stood up to share my comedic genius.
“Wolf isn’t up to telling his usual bad jokes, so I decided you should hear some better material,” I announced.
“Please don’t,” Phil quipped, which started similar taunts from the peanut gallery.
Of course, that didn’t dissuade me.
“If you’re American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?”
I received blank stares in response.
“European!”
That got a chorus of groans.
“Okay. They can’t all be good. That one was probably too sophisticated for this crowd. Let me dumb one down for you,” I said reasonably.
I was impressed when they all flipped me off, even the coaches.
“What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?” I asked.
More blank stares.
“Dam!”
I actually received a chorus of boos.
“My nephew, Kyle, thought that one was hilarious.”
“He’s like, three,” Yuri said.
I didn’t hesitate to offer another one.
“What does the acronym ‘Iowa’ mean?”
This one had them interested.
“Idiots Out Walking Around.”
That received a few chuckles. I looked down at Wolf, and he was smiling.
“I have more,” I told him.
“Please stop. Let someone who knows what they’re doing handle the jokes.”
“By all means,” I said to my seatmate.
He stood up, and everyone cheered in good fun.
“Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space,” Wolf began.
The dicks all laughed at that one. Some people had no idea what funny was.
Wolf held court until we arrived. I looked around and saw we were loose. We were ready for this.
◊◊◊
Tonight’s game featured two teams that were literally thirty minutes apart. Central had been named the top seed, so we were the away team for tonight’s game.
That saved me from being interviewed again by the sports TV channel carrying the game. They talked to Central’s star, James Ryan, who’d hit a ton of home runs this year. He was destined to get drafted and had said he planned to sign a minor league contract if one was offered.
The consensus was that once Ryan got into the minors, got some experience, and put on some additional muscle, he had a real chance of making it to The Show. Jeff showed me the video of his interview. I chuckled when he used every cliché in the book and even managed to thank God.