I groped the wall as I struggled to stand. It felt like my brain floated in an ocean of vodka.
Everyone seemed to be gone, and the backyard was a disaster area. I was glad it wasn’t my job to clean up.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Almost three.”
Then I had a horrible thought.
“No one messed with my face, did they? Do I still have eyebrows?” I asked.
“Tim and I made sure no one messed with your face,” Wolf assured me.
I leaned back against the wall and moaned.
“We need to get home,” Wolf said.
“I’ll get us an Uber,” I said as I pulled out my phone.
“We have Uber?”
“Yeah. I had no idea either, but Lexi hired them for my party tomorrow night to take people home.”
“You have the app?”
“Yep. Got it when I went to model camp in New York,” I explained.
“Here’s a tip: never tell anyone that you went to model camp,” Wolf advised me.
“Where’s Tim?” I asked.
“The SOB is boning Gina.”
I blinked because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“When I broke up with her, she decided she would have revenge sex with someone. I asked Tim to do it because I would have to kill just about anyone else,” Wolf shared.
“Whoa, that was fast. The Uber is two minutes away,” I said.
“How big is this town?” Wolf asked.
Yeah, that would explain it.
When we got into the car, my whole year was made. The driver was the douchebag lawyer, Thomas Fox. This might not be flipping burgers, but it was damned close. My wish had come true.
◊◊◊
Chapter 34 – Can’t Fix Crazy Saturday May 13
“David, wake up,” Mom said, her voice piercing my head. “People are starting to show up, and …”
She stopped talking when I rolled over, and she got a good look at me. Or maybe I should say a good smell of me because she wrinkled her nose. I squinted at her and moaned.
“‘Stupid Boy.’ Of all the days to be hungover,” she complained.
I suddenly sat up, and Mom took a step back. My mouth began to water, a sure sign I was about to lose it. I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. I wasn’t happy that after I’d purged the remnants of last night, I kept dry-heaving. That was the worst.
“It’s lucky for you I didn’t let El come up to help wake you up. She would’ve been traumatized if she saw your cool new tattoos and bare butt,” Mom said from the bathroom door.
It took me a moment to comprehend what my mom had said. Then I staggered to my feet and looked in the mirror. My jackass friends had used a permanent marker on me while I was passed out. Wolf was a man of his word; they hadn’t used the markers anywhere they could be seen. At least they’d shown that much restraint, thank God.
Mom began to laugh.
“What? This isn’t funny,” I complained.
“Look at your butt,” she prompted.
It said, ‘Wolf’s Property.’
I could just hear him bitching. ‘You let one guy buy you a pretzel …’ Or that was how it went in my head. He still claimed he bought his own pretzel, which I believed. But I would never admit that to him.
I said a bad word.
“David! Language!”
“Sorry.”
“Take some aspirin with a big glass of water and then get in the shower. I’ll get some rubbing alcohol to get the worst of your new art off you,” Mom said.
“Please bring me some tea and toast,” I begged.
“Was it worth it?” Mom asked.
“I thought so last night. I’m not so sure this morning,” I admitted.
She wore a satisfied smile as she took my dog with her.
◊◊◊
I swear to God!
When my mom came back, she had Peggy with her. The two of them made rude comments as they took the ink off my back. I drew the line when Mom told me to drop my towel so they could do my butt. She just wanted to show Peggy what the guys had written on it. I kicked them out and took over removing the remaining evidence of my poor judgment from last night.
When I came downstairs, El spotted me.
“David!” my cousin screeched, about splitting my head in half.
I shut my eyes for a moment and suddenly felt dizzy. I quickly opened them and vowed to not do that again. Frick, I felt like an ass.
El, my cousin, gave me a hug and then grabbed my hand so I would sit next to her at the kitchen table.
I was thankful when Cassidy put a small plate with plain toast and a cup of hot tea in front of me. It looked like she was our short-order cook this morning.
“Do you have your speech ready?” Dad asked.
“I’ll just wing it.”
Everyone eyed me skeptically.
“It’ll be fine. I know what I want to say,” I said to defend myself.
“Who was that you were making out with last night?” Cassidy asked.
More looks. If I weren’t so hungover, I might have paddled my little ninja’s butt.
I remembered making out, but I couldn’t remember with who for the life of me.
Then I had a thought.
“Why didn’t you stop them from using magic markers on me last night?” I asked.
“I wasn’t on duty,” Cassidy said. “Besides, it was funny as hell.”
I quickly added to my list … To do what? I wasn’t sure, but there would be payback at some point. Probably not today, though.
My cousin Julie smirked while El looked at me suspiciously.
“I took a nap, and my friends wrote on me,” I explained to my younger cousin, hoping she’d buy it.
Her eyes got big.
“What did they write? Was it something bad? Can I see? Are you going to get back at them?” she asked, rapid-fire.
Cassidy’s head whipped around to see my response.
“David’s a good Christian. He’ll forgive them,” Mom assured her niece.
“Or turn the other cheek,” Peggy added and bit her bottom lip.
Yep, the list was growing.
“That would be best. They’re probably sorry,” El said.
Cassidy grinned and shook her head ‘no.’ Brat!
◊◊◊
I had time to get my car and drive to the high school for graduation. By then, I’d started to feel better.
They directed us all to go to the old gym and line up alphabetically. While we did that, our friends and family were taking their seats in the field house where our commencement would be held.
“Everyone!” Vice Principal Palm called out to get our attention. “I want to give you all a quick rundown on what’s going to happen today.”
As I glanced around, it looked like everyone was fidgeting. I agreed; let’s get this over with.
“You’ll walk in to where you are to sit but remain standing. Next, the faculty will be introduced. Once that’s done, you can sit down. There will be welcoming remarks followed by the presentation of your diploma. What will happen is your name will be called, you will walk across the stage, shake Principal Borman’s hand with your right hand, and accept your diploma with the left. Then you’ll pause for your picture to be taken. Finally, you’ll move your tassel to the other side to indicate that you’ve graduated,” Vice Principal Palm explained.
We’d all seen how this worked, so I was ready to go.
“After you’ve all returned to your seats, there will be a keynote address from a guest speaker, followed by the valedictory address. When that’s done, your teachers will lead you out,” he concluded.
Vice Principal Palm’s phone must have vibrated because he pulled it out of his pocket to check it.
“Okay, everybody, it’s showtime,” he announced and led us to the field house.
◊◊◊
The ceremony ran according to plan, with everyone getting their moment in the sun. The keynote address was given by some guy they dug up who fancied himself a motivational speaker. Frankly, he was a cliché machine and became amusing. One of his gems was, ‘It’s not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.’ Then there was my personal favorite, ‘You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow.’