The pain made him reach for yet another handful of painkillers. He’d considered going to a doctor and getting the stronger prescription stuff but was wary of doing anything that might call attention to himself.
That bitch agent, it might occur to her that the change kept him in pain most of the time, and she might start calling doctors, checking for just that.
No, he couldn’t take the chance.
But he had a hunch that all the painkillers on top of not being able to eat much these days might be causing other problems. There was a new pain, deep in his gut, a burning. It got better when he was able to eat something, and he knew what that meant. An ulcer, probably.
Was that part of the change? Was it intended that his own digestive acids-helped along by handfuls of painkillers-would eat through the lining of his stomach?
He didn’t see how that would help him become what he had to be, but-
It’s punishment, wimp.
“I haven’t done anything wrong.” He kept his voice low, so nobody else would hear.
You’re dragging your feet. You haven’t done that agent. You haven’t done the reporter. Or the other one. What’re you waiting for?
“The right time. I have to be careful. They’re watching me.”
I knew I wouldn’t be able to count on you to keep it together. You’re paranoid now.
“No-”
You are. All you should be thinking about is what those women have done to you. Those bitches. You know what they’ve done. You know.
“Yes. I know.”
Then there’s nothing else to think about, is there? Nothing else to worry about.
“I just have to kill them. All six of them. Just like I did before.”
Yes. You just have to kill them.
“I’m not that self-destructive,” Isabel said.
“You’re that scared.”
“And you know that because of your degree in psychology?”
“I know it because I was brutalized too.”
After a long moment, much of the tension drained visibly from Isabel and she said, “Yeah. We belong to a very select club, you and I. Survivors of evil.”
“It doesn’t have to be a lifetime membership, Isabel.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No. And if you let it be, then you let him win. You let evil win.”
Isabel managed a faint smile. “If this is what Maggie Barnes did for you, then I wish I’d had her around fourteen years ago.”
“What Maggie did for me,” Hollis said, “was put me in the same place you’re in now. As if years have gone by. The memories are still there, the pain is only an echo-and the scars are fear. I can be more objective than you because I’m not the one falling in love.”
“And if you were?” It was a tacit admission.
“I’d be scared to death.”
“I’ll remind you that you said that.”
It was Hollis’s turn to smile faintly. “Believe me, I’m counting on you to help me through, if it ever happens.”
“The blind leading the blind.”
“You’ll have figured things out by then. You’ll have to. As our esteemed leader says, the universe puts us where we need to be. You obviously need to be here, now. With Rafe.”
“And a killer.”
Hollis nodded. “And a killer. Which is why I think you can’t try to ignore or deny your own feelings. Not now, not this time. You don’t have that luxury, not with a killer in the equation. You need your abilities at full strength, plus whatever Rafe brings to the relationship.”
In a slightly suspicious tone, Isabel asked, “Did Bishop tell you anything else about what’s happening here? I mean, aside from having you give Rafe just the information he needed to keep that little confrontation at the dairy farm from having a tragic ending?”
“No, but I’ve been thinking about that.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“Oh, it’s nothing definitive. You know how Bishop and Miranda are when it comes to seeing the future. Maybe they did see this and knew that Rafe needed to be part of it; maybe that’s why they made sure he’d survive Helton’s drunken paranoia. But even if they did, they’d hardly tell me anything about it.”
“Probably not,” Isabel agreed wryly. “They feel very responsible for what they see and the actions they take or don’t take, so they don’t say a whole lot about it to the rest of us.”
“One of these days,” Hollis said, “I’d love to talk to them about the whole philosophical question of playing God.”
“Good luck.”
Hollis smiled faintly, but said, “Getting back to the point I wanted to make, I think there’s a very simple reason why you and Rafe reacted to each other so instantly and on a basic chemical and electromagnetic level.”
“I guess you’re going to tell me even if I don’t ask.”
“Yes. It’s that balance thing the universe tries to keep going. In your case, you needed something outside yourself to be whole, balanced. And so does he. I think you two were meant to be a team, Isabel. Just like Bishop and Miranda. The two of you together are potentially… greater than the sum of your parts. A perfect balance, something the universe keeps aiming for and so often misses.”
“Hollis-”
“I don’t know why I believe that, but I do. Maybe it’s the sparking thing. Or just the way you talk to each other, as though you’ve been close for years. All I know is that I believe what I believe. And I think the only difference between you two and Bishop and Miranda is that it took them years and a lot of tragedy to figure things out.”
“What makes you think I-Rafe and I-can get there any faster or easier?”
“You do. You charge at things head-on, Isabel. It’s your instinct as sure as Rafe’s instinct is to protect. So stop holding back. Stop being afraid. Trust yourself.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“Yeah, it is. Like I said, I’m not the one falling in love and trying to cope with all this. But the universe put me here for a reason, too, and maybe it wasn’t to talk to dead victims. Maybe it was to talk to you. Maybe it’s not time for me to learn to control my abilities.”
“That’s a handy excuse,” Isabel said, not unkindly.
“You don’t have to worry that I’ll stop trying.” Hollis grimaced slightly. “Okay, you don’t have to worry that I’ll keep on not trying.”
“I was beginning to wonder.”
“I know I need to learn to control this. And I know I won’t be able to if I don’t start trying. So I will. You have my word on that. My abilities might be the only edge we’ve got in this. Especially if it’s going to take time for you and Rafe to get this shield thing figured out.”
“The thought had occurred.”
“So we both have a lot of work to do. And Rafe’ll have to get a crash course in being psychic.”
Isabel sighed. “Well, after my last little discussion with him, Rafe may not be all that willing, no matter what he said. I don’t need any extra senses to know he was not happy with me.”
“If I have to say it again, I will. Subtle is not your strong suit, pal.”
“It comes of being a platinum blonde almost six feet tall,” Isabel said wryly. “Like being a neon sign in human terms, at least according to what the therapists say.”
“Since you’ve never been able to melt into the background physically…”
“Exactly. Another reason I-to use your phrase-charge at things head-on. Usually. Everybody tends to be watching me, might as well give them something to see. Never really got much of a chance to practice subtle.”
“It shows.”
“Yeah, I’m getting that.”
“Mmm. In any case, I’ve got a strong hunch that Rafe will meet you halfway even if he is pissed at the moment. But only halfway. You’re the profiler, so consider this: what is it you have that Rafe needs to balance himself-and vice versa? And I’m not talking about the shield thing. Emotionally. Psychologically.”