“I really can’t say what happened from there,” she adds. “I know Eileen wasn’t happy about it.”
Chapter 21…
“But I wound up living with them,” Amelia says. “For a while anyway.”
The cab stops before a brownstone building; this is Sheila’s stop. She begins to open her purse and get money, but I wave at her and tell her I’ll pay for the cab. She looks uncertain, then nods, an inaudible “thanks” on her lips.
“Well, guys,” Sheila says, “it’s been fun.”
“Take care,” from Amelia.
“You too, hon. Later,” she adds, to Tasha, and Tasha nods. As Sheila gets out, she slyly slips me a business card. I watch her as she goes up the stairs, takes out a set of keys, and goes in. The cab begins to move to our next destination.
“I wish I was more like Sheila,” Amelia says. “She seems to have control of her life. She figures out what she wants and then goes out and takes it.”
I think about the deception of appearances; I want to say something about it, but I have neither the inclination nor the words.
“I’ve never really had control over anything,” Amelia says. “Seems like all my life others have been calling the shots. They’ve had more control over my destination than I’d rather admit. Like The Astronaut, for example. I had no intentions either of sleeping with him or carrying his baby, but he had it all planned. He said it was destiny, but it was really about power.
“When I was living with David and Eileen, I began to understand the strange motions of power. I wasn’t myself, I was Amnesia, and I didn’t know anything other than that I was living with a married couple and my belly was getting bigger. At first Eileen was completely against having me in their home. That was understandable, of course. But David told her, ‘We can’t turn her out to the world now that she doesn’t know who she is.’ Eileen was a really sweet, and weak, person, and she gave in, and I was put in the guest room and, as the months went on, my stomach got big with the alien’s child.
“In the end, Eileen and I became close. Very close. We could have been lovers — there was that tension. David now became upset because he felt distant from this friendship. The balance of power had tipped the other way; his meek wife and former lover were no longer strangers but allies.
“But I soon began to remember who I was. I wasn’t Amnesia after all, I was Amelia. Me. And I was knocked up and I remembered by whom and when one night David yelled at me, yelled at us both really, I decided I had to leave. I had to go. I had to be somewhere alone to have my baby.
“I remembered I had a little money left in the bank so I went to get it and left my new family and went solo to be a family all by myself, with the alien baby in my belly. I thought I could hide. But I knew I couldn’t hide from him. He found me.”
“Who?” Tasha says. “David?”
“No. The Astronaut. He came back for me, when I was ready to give birth. He took me back into his spaceship and there were doctors of his kind there. I had the baby — a girl — and The Astronaut took her from me. I couldn’t believe he was doing this! But he said it was for the best; the child would have special powers and would be very different from other children on this planet, and needed to grow up with her kind. I asked him to take me with him, with them — I didn’t want to be separated from my child, and maybe I was still in love with this spaceman. But The Astronaut told me this wasn’t possible. He said I had to go back to Earth and life my life. ‘How can I live my life,’ I asked, ‘when you’re taking a part of it away?’ ‘You will,’ he said. So I was put back in this world and tried my best to get on with the rest of my life. I told myself no more married men, no more meaningless sex. I went back to school and got my teaching degree and here I am now, trying to live the best way I can.”
Amelia looks out the window and at the sky, and says, “I wonder what she’s doing up there, my daughter. I wonder what life is like for her on that faraway planet. I wonder if she’s ever heard the loud ticking of a clock: tick-tock-tock tick-tock goes the clock.”
Chapter 22…
“See ya,” Amelia says as she leaves the cab and goes into the building she lives.
“I’m just two blocks away,” Tasha says to the driver, and gives him her address. I turn to look at her. One eye is covered with hair; her other eye glances at me in the darkness of the car. I think I should move into the back with her. It feels right at the moment, but the cab goes — and then it’s too late. It’s a short ride to her home.
“Have you talked to Veronica lately?” Tasha asks.
“No,” I say.
“Really?”
“Things change,” I say. “The balance of power, like your friend said. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you’d like, like your other friend said. You have wise friends these days.” I feel stupid.
“Yes,” Tasha says, “I know.”
Silence.
“When you see or talk to her again,” she says, “tell her I said hi.”
“I will.”
“Tell her — tell her I hope things are okay.”
“Things will never ultimately be okay for her.”
“And you?” she asks.
I don’t know what to say, except “Tasha—” I turn to look at her.
“Yes?” she asks.
The cab stops.
*****
I want to walk her to her door, but she tells me no, she’ll be okay. She won’t look at me. My ex-wife doesn’t even say good night, only, “We’ll talk.” Then she’s gone.
“A looker,” the cabby says.
I give him my address.
He drives. He could drive forever and I wouldn’t care.
“You folks are the nicest I’ve had in the car all night,” the cabby tells me. “I’ve had some wild ones tonight. Dunno what it is. Maybe a full moon? I don’t see none. I guess it’s just one of those nights.”
“Yeah,” I say.
Chapter 23…
I get my mail and look through it, hoping for a surprise, something to intrigue me; it’s the same crap as always. I go to the fridge, get a beer; when I open it, I think of Amelia. It would be nice, perhaps, to have Amelia here and share a beer with her; she could tell me more of her weird stories.
I need stories. We all need stories. I don’t feel good facing the silence, the lack of human interaction, in the retirement of my small apartment.
There are a couple of messages on the answering machine. One is from someone I haven’t talked to in a while. I wonder why she’s calling. I don’t think I want to call her back. The rest of the messages have to do with possible jobs. I drink my beer and look out the window, seeing a part of the city. It’s such a fucking big place; I’ve never really given it a great deal of thought.
I haven’t given a lot of things much thought, until tonight.
I find Sheila’s card in my pocket. Office number printed, home number handwritten. I can still smell her on me.
I almost stop myself. But I call her.
“Were you asleep?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “I was hoping you’d call. I knew you would.”
“I almost didn’t.”
“You’re teasing me.”
“I feel strange,” I say.
“Why?” Then, “Don’t get the wrong idea. About what happened tonight. That’s not something I do often. Really, that’s like the second time I’ve ever done anything so spontaneous and — dangerous. What can I say? I find you attractive, and at that moment I wanted you. I had to have you. So I took you.”