“And if Porkie is wrong?”
“Perhaps the mob would settle for Blashford.”
“What?” said Blashford.
“Just my little joke. But I trust Porkie, sir, and frankly I don’t think we’ve got any choice.”
Mournful sounds issued from the face of Dr Trillby. They came through his mouth and they quite upset his colleagues.
“Come on, sir,” said Tripper. “Porkie’s planned it all out. One of us makes the trip and attempts to make a tiny alteration to the past and—”
“Hold on there,” said Dr Trillby. “It has just occurred to me that we keep talking about the past. What about the future?”
“Can’t be done, sir. Porkie says that the past is fixed and nothing exists beyond the present.”
“But Porkie has already managed to predict the future. The number nine iron up the … and suchlike.”
“Those are just projections, sir. Of what will happen given certain circumstances. The future is not fixed. Only the past.”
“It all smells,” said Dr Trillby. “But go on with what you were saying. Someone attempts to make a tiny alteration to the past.”
“Yes, sir, and then returns to the present and we’all check to see whether anything has changed.”
“And what if it has? What if there are disastrous consequences?”
“Then that same person returns to the past and undoes what he has done. Arrives back a minute earlier than the time before, waits for his original self to arrive and then tells him not to do the thing he was originally going tb do.”
Clovis rolled his rosy eyes. “Now what could possibly go wrong with a plan like that?” he asked.
“Nothing,” said Tripper. “Trust me.”
“Hold on again.” Dr Trillby raised his hands again. “What is all this, trust me? You are not under the mistaken apprehension that you will be making this trip, are you? If anyone is going to make this historic journey that someone will be me.”
“Your bravery is an example to us all, sir. That’s settled, then.”
“Hold on, hold on, hold on.” Dr Trillby flapped his hands about. “You’re not putting up much of a struggle.”
“Why should I, sir? Once you’ve proved it’s safe, which is to say once you’ve survived the journey with mind and body intact, I’ll have plenty of opportunities to take as many trips as I like.”
“Hm.” Dr Trillby made the face of thought. “Perhaps it would be better if you made the first journey,” he said. “After all, it is your project.”
“That’s settled, then.”
“Eh?” said Dr Trillby.
“Snookered,” said Clovis.
Blashford said, “Perhaps we should put it to a vote.”
Dr.Trillby shook his head. “Let’s just get on with it,” he said. “How do you propose to run this test, Tripper?”
“Very simply and very safely, sir.” Tripper rootled in his furry briefcase. “I have here today’s newspaper.”
“Anything new in it?” Blashford asked. “Any new news?”
“None whatsoever.” Tripper held the paper up for all to see. Its headline read, NO NEWS AGAIN: AND IT’S OFFICIAL.
“Are you thinking of changing that, then?” Dr Trillby asked.
“No.” Tripper returned the newspaper to his briefcase and placed his briefcase on the table. “My intention is to travel just two hours into the past and waylay the newspaper boy before he delivers the newspaper to my house. If I return from the past with the newspaper in my hand, then it will mean that the past can be changed and we shall have to abandon the whole thing.”
Dr Trillby nodded. “Seems safe enough,” he said.
“I see a flaw in this,” said Blashford.
“Shut up, lad. Go on, then, Tripper, explain the mechanics of the thing. Is there a time machine you travel in?”
“Time machine!” Clovis rolled his rosy red’ns again.
“It’s all done with this.” Tripper displayed the lifespan chronometer on his scrawny wrist. “Porkie will download the program into the chronometer. All I have to do is set the coordinates and the time and date and press ‘send’. Simple as making a telephone call.”
“What are these coordinates?” Dr Trillby asked.
“Of the place where I wish to materialize in the past. I can’t just materialize here, can I? Two hours ago the Earth hadn’t reached this spot in space. The coordinates have to be absolutely precise for the journey there and the journey back. Porkie has worked it all out. It’s all in the program.”
“Porkie thinks of everything,” said Blashford. “But—”
“No buts,” said Dr Trillby. “How do you download the program, Tripper?”
“Simple as can be. I just type into my chronometer the words DOWNLOAD TIME TRAVEL PROGRAM and wait thirty seconds.” He did so and they waited. “There,” said Tripper. “I’m on line. So now I type in time and date and projected location.” He did this also. “And I’m ready for the off.”
“Will you vanish in a puff of smoke?” Clovis asked.
“Don’t be sarcastic,” Dr Trillby told him. “This is a historic moment.”
“It won’t work,” said Clovis. “This is all a wind-up.”
“Ignore him, Tripper,” said Dr Trillby. “Go on, do your stuff”
“But, sir.” Blashford made pleadings. “Please listen, sir. There is a serious flaw.”
“Do it, Tripper,” said Dr Trillby.
And do it Tripper did.
Geraldo paused in his tale and rattled his empty pint glass on the table.
“Don’t stop,” said Jim. “What happened next?”
“Well,” said Geraldo, “what do you think happened next?”
Jim thought about this. “That’s a tricky one,” he said. “If he did come back with the newspaper, that would have proved that the past could be changed, so they would have had to abandon the project. But if they had, then you wouldn’t be here. But you are here. But according to you, the past can be changed …”
“Go on,” said Geraldo.
“Well,” Jim continued, “if he didn’t come back with the newspaper that would have proved that the past couldn’t be changed. So they would have gone ahead with the project. Which they must have done, because otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”
“But the past can be changed,” said Geraldo.
“So did he come back with the newspaper, or didn’t he?”
“Both,” said Geraldo. “Or possibly neither.”
“Both, or possibly neither?”
“Things got a little complicated. Allow me to explain. You see, Tripper travelled back into the past and tried to get the newspaper. But the newspaper boy wouldn’t give it to him. In fact he punched Tripper on the nose. So Tripper returns to Institute Tower with a bloody nose and no newspaper. He explains what’s happened and Dr Trillby says he’s a stupid boy and to go back and try again. So Tripper travels back into the past again, making sure that this time he arrives a bit earlier, so he can sneak up on the paper boy from behind. And he’s just doing this when he sees his original self materialize in front of the paper boy.”
“This is the Tripper who got the bloody nose,” said Jim.
“That’s right. We’ll call him Tripper number one.”
“So the other one is Tripper number two.”
“And so on.”
“And so on?”
“Allow me to explain. Tripper number one sees Tripper number two creeping up behind the paper boy and he thinks, Ah, this must be the plan I worked out in case something went wrong. This is myself coming back to tell me not to get the newspaper. So Tripper number one backs off, resets his chronometer and zips into the future. Meanwhile Tripper number two has grabbed the newspaper when the paper boy isn’t looking and is about to zip into the future when Tripper number three arrives on the scene.”