John had followed her into the lounge. She could feel him seething, but his anger no longer had an effect on her. She sat down on one of the couches and crossed her legs, imagining that she looked almost regal with her arm outstretched across the back.
“I’m here because I’m going to Lee’s memorial service tomorrow.”
“You’ve come to your senses,” John snarled, “after causing unnecessary crap and embarrassment.”
“Yes, I have. With some help, I came to the conclusion that it would be disrespectful of me not to pay my last respects to Lee. And it would be ridiculous to avoid the service because of your affair◦– with Frankie, I mean. After all, the two of you should be hiding your shameful faces, not me.”
“That fucking son of a bitch told you, didn’t he? He was always out to get me, because he wanted you and you chose me instead.”
“You have clearly underestimated me, John. Give me some credit. I’m not that stupid. I didn’t need Lee to tell me. You, on the other hand, are a very, very stupid and careless man. I was bound to find out. All I needed was to open my eyes. For some pathetic reason, I’ve had them shut for the duration of our marriage.”
“Aren’t you the brave one suddenly? Sitting there all smug and self-righteous? Do you think I don’t know about you and Lee? I rescued you, you fucking whore. Who knows who Brigit’s father is? Maybe you can shed some light on your daughter’s true identity, huh? All I know is Lee would never have married you if you were pregnant. I did! And I raised her as my own.”
She’d expected John to fight dirty and had prepared herself for the abuse that would be hurled her way.
“I slept with Lee. I’m sorry I kept it from you, and I’m sorry if I hurt you. We were stoned and drunk. We were also young and impulsive, and one thing led to another. I admit that keeping it a secret was partly to protect you, but it was mostly to protect me. I was vulnerable, and the thought of living in a community that regards unmarried mothers as outcasts was frightening for me and shameful for my mom. But know this: I always wanted you, John.”
John smirked.
“I did! I had resolved to tell you about Lee and face the consequences. But then I found out I was pregnant. Mom was afraid that if I said anything to you, you would leave me. Even if Brigit was yours. I was afraid.”
Jen was not weepy; she did not place blame. She just wanted to speak the truth. She wanted no more secrets, no more lies.
“I tried to be the best wife I could be. I committed one hundred per cent of myself to our marriage. To us.”
“You’re such a clever bitch, aren’t you? If I had left you, knowing you were pregnant, can you imagine what everyone would have thought of me? They would never have believed that innocent Jen would fuck another guy. My reputation was already blemished by the pregnancy, so I had to marry you to show people that I was a decent human being. But don’t think I’m going to forgive you for trapping me, you cunning…”
“Say it, John. That word seems to roll off your tongue so easily. Do you even realise how jarring it is? I heard you use that word on your own son, and now it looks like it’s my turn. Say it. Come on, I know you want to.”
John narrowed his eyes at her, weighing up the challenge.
“You cunning cunt,” he said after a moment. “There, I said it. And it feels good.”
“Lovely. You feel vindicated. I’m happy you do, because I will be divorcing you, John. After the service tomorrow, I’ll be packing my things and moving out. Leonard Mazwai, my attorney, will be serving you with papers for an interim divorce settlement. He’ll make sure I live in the style to which I’m accustomed. He will also ensure that I am justly rewarded for the pain and suffering you have caused.”
John snorted. “You’re fucking delusional. You’ve been watching too many chick flicks, baby.”
Jen got up. “I’m not your baby. And don’t undermine chick flicks. It’s antagonists like you who make the chick flick so popular. Oh, and just a friendly reminder of your huge financial gain when you married me. A little reimbursement at this point would be good.” She now looked at him, really saw him. His fists were balled, and he looked like a bull ready to charge.
“Goodnight, sleep tight,” she sang cheerily, though shaking with anger. Jen walked out of the lounge and down the passage. She stopped at Brigit’s bedroom and knocked quietly on her door.
“Brig?”
“Leave me alone!” Brigit barked. “I don’t want to speak to you or Dad.”
Then Jen did something she couldn’t remember doing since Brigit had been a child. She put her foot down.
“I’m not asking you, Brigit, I’m telling you. Unlock your door. I need to talk to you and Pete.”
A moment later, Brigit appeared and reluctantly followed Jen to Pete’s cottage. On seeing them, he turned off the television and sat up. “What’s up?”
“Mom wants to chat to us. After being unavailable without any explanation for days, we now have to make ourselves available when she sees fit,” Brigit snapped.
The realisation that Brigit was, without a doubt, John’s daughter dawned on Jen. They were two peas in a pod: surly, bombastic and self-absorbed.
“Thank you, Brigit. That’s enough,” Jen said firmly.
“Please tell me you’re leaving him,” Pete said.
“Yes. I am. I’m sorry I’ve made it so difficult for you these past few days. It wasn’t my intention, but I needed time away from everyone and everything to try to figure out…”
Jen hesitated. She knew she had to be as honest as she could with her children. Although not everything in life had to be shared, some things needed to be divulged for clarity, and to move on.
“I can’t stay married, because your father has cheated on me.”
“We know,” Brigit said.
“He’s a cheating, lying…” Pete interjected. Jen stopped him.
“Don’t! Just remember that we’re all human. I am not defending your dad, but he is your father.” Brigit and Pete looked at each other. Jen continued. “I’m not guiltless myself.”
“What do you mean?” Pete asked.
“I have also kept a secret for years. I did want to tell your dad, but then I discovered I was pregnant. I was afraid he would leave me if he knew. So, I kept it from him to save my reputation and our relationship.”
Pete paused, a glass of red wine halfway to his mouth. “What secret?”
“I slept with Lee. Once. While Dad and I were dating.”
She waited for this to sink in, particularly with Brigit. She wanted to run away and hide, knowing the furore her revelation was about to cause.
“And you got pregnant? Oh my God!”
It was just as she’d expected: Brigit was incensed.
“I could be Lee’s daughter?”
Jen didn’t answer.
“I can’t believe you. Pretending to be as pure as the driven snow! You cheated on Dad, and then you married him, knowing full well that I could be Lee’s child? I can’t believe you! I, I’m going to be sick.”
Brigit stumbled out of the room, slamming the cottage door behind her.
Pete called after her but stayed where he was. Then he looked at his mother.
“That’s a bit of a mind fuck for Brig, Ma!”
“Pour me a glass of that wine you’re drinking, Pete.” Pete got up, returning with a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass for Jen in the other.
“Keeping it a secret seemed like the right thing to do at the time,” Jen told her son. He handed her a full glass of red wine. She took a sip before she continued. “I felt I had no choice. My mother was already ashamed that I had fallen pregnant. My father would’ve been turning in his grave. I was already a huge disappointment, and I had to make it right. Lee tried pursuing me, but I loved your dad. You must know: I would’ve chosen your dad over Lee, even if I hadn’t been pregnant.”