She ignored all phone calls and after the first day, she didn’t bother to dress, lying in bed in a foetal position, allowing herself simply to cry and to hate, to weep and to blame. Her desire to move forward had been crippled, paralysed by depression.
She was amazed to see Claudia and Sharon, who had decided to check in on her when she hadn’t answered any of their messages or calls. She was overjoyed to see caring faces. They even pretended not to notice her greasy hair and swollen eyes.
Their presence inspired Jen to get dressed and go out. They’d each booked into a suite of their own for the weekend, and the three of them drank in the tonic that is nature: the wildlife, the bushveld, the fresh air. The healing power of friendship and laughter was just what she had needed, and, by the end of the week, Jen was ready to face life as a single, middle-aged woman. She felt a fluttering of excitement at the thought that she was about to embark on a brand-new adventure.
As soon as she returned from the bush, Jen booked a weekly consultation with a “normal, run-of-the-mill” therapist◦– Sharon’s words◦– and set up regular Friday-night drinks with her two friends. She invited Patty to join them, but Fridays were her busiest nights at the ‘gentlemen’s club’ she had recently re-opened, so she was often unable to meet them.
The most important lesson Jen had learned from her weekly sessions◦– both at her psychologist and with her friends◦– was forgiveness. She had realised that anger and bitterness were not helpful if she wanted to forge ahead with her life. She learned to begin to forgive John for his lies and deceit, and to forgive herself, so she could start to love herself.
John had initially played hardball, but quickly realised it would be better not to antagonise Leonard, whose reputation was formidable. Leonard had managed to get his hands on Jen’s file from her gynaecologist, and after consultation with another reputable doctor, found that he had, as Jen suspected, agreed to withhold important information from her to protect John, an old friend of his.
Leonard had made it very clear to him that the exposure of his sex addiction, coupled with his collusion with Jen’s doctor, made withholding a decent settlement impossible.
Jen found that she was not even vaguely interested in whether her ex was dating or in how he was doing. News, however, did get back to her, as she expected. Soon after the memorial service, Patricia phoned her. She said that she admired Jen for having the courage to walk away from her marriage. She confessed to having been unhappy with Larry for years but knew she did not have the courage to do what Jen had done.
During one of Patricia’s regular phone calls in the time that followed, she got an unsolicited update on John.
“He’s really not doing well, Jen,” she volunteered. “He’s creepy. In fact, I think he’s in Larry’s league when it comes to being lecherous and crude. People talk about him like he’s a dirty old man.”
When Jen told Claudia and Sharon about it over cocktails the following Friday, Sharon said, “That’s normally what happens. It’s weird, but men◦– particularly the strong, sexy type◦– lose their appeal after they divorce.”
Jen leaned back and shared a look with Claudia.
“How so?” they asked in unison, mimicking Sharon.
“On no, you’re exaggerating. Is that really how I speak?”
“That’s exactly how you speak!”
“Seriously, though, how so?” Jen asked.
“Men are often attractive to women because of the whole package they represent, which includes wife and children. In John’s case, he was married to a beautiful wife.”
Jen blushed and waved away the compliment.
“It’s true Jen, you’re gorgeous, and he has two great kids. He owns a wine farm and has an enviable lifestyle. Contrary to what you may think, this is not a deterrent. In fact, all those factors enhanced his attraction. Besides a married man being a ‘challenge’, they also come across as less desperate, especially after a certain age. It’s much more rewarding to bag the guy who has lots to lose than a guy who is middle aged and creepily available. What is John now, other than a middle aged sex fiend whose wife left him because of his promiscuity? Who wants that? It’s simply not as enticing, period.”
What Sharon said made sense. Why then was it different for Jen, who had become much more attractive to men, contrary to Frankie’s warning about older women being less desirable?
“Before, your husband and children defined who you were. In fact, you didn’t have an identity separate from them. Now that you are on your own, you are much more desirable. We’re talking about you specifically, Jen. There are many women who can maintain an identity separate from wife and mother within their marriages. You, however, were never allowed to, or you never allowed yourself to.
“But now you are independent and confident, and you haven’t made finding a man your mission. You are developing interests and friendships because of who you are, not because of who your husband is.”
Claudia spoke up. “I remember you telling me about that speech you made at John’s birthday. Underneath the wit was evidence that you hardly functioned independently from him. Your day revolved around his day. His hobbies became yours. Not only that, your one shot at doing your own thing socially◦– book club◦– was usurped by all the men. They upstaged you and your friends by organising their poker evenings for the very same night.”
Jen took a sip of her Sea Breeze. “I never thought of it that way. No wonder I felt so unattractive, and was so unattractive. Putting John’s sex addiction aside, maybe if I had maintained my own identity, our marriage would’ve been more exciting and fulfilling.”
Claudia answered, “I agree that you’re a little to blame, because you did have choices, but I think that John can take a lot of credit for what you had become. Look at you now, Jen. You’re a successful businesswoman.”
Sharon and Claudia raised their glasses and toasted Jen’s success.
“This makes you extremely desirable to many men, and women,” Sharon winked.
It was true. Jen was becoming a sought-after interior designer. After agonising over the ethics of doing the design of Patty’s new gentlemen’s club, Jen decided to accept her request for help. As a result, she also landed two projects involving interior design for large corporates in the city, courtesy of a couple of the club’s regular guests.
Leonard had, meanwhile, asked Jen to help with his newly acquired beach house in Pringle Bay as Claudia, who had impeccable taste, said she was too busy to be enlisted. Jen had a sneaking suspicion that this had been staged by both Leonard and Claudia to give her a leg-up. She was extremely grateful, especially when the completed house was featured as the centre spread in an interiors magazine whose theme for the month was beach-house living.
Between referrals from the magazine and Leonard’s friends who had seen the house, work started pouring in.
She was now so busy that she had hired an assistant and office space in Woodstock and was working long hours and loving it.
Jen had moved into a little Victorian townhouse in Oranjezicht and had just heard the news that her offer to purchase had been accepted.
“And now you are the proud owner of your own house, Jen!” Claudia said.
Jen beamed. “I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am. And how beautiful it is going to look when I’m done with it.”
“Well, tell us,” Sharon said.
“The kitchen, as you’ve seen, is fabulous◦– I love the clean modern lines◦– but I’m opening it up to incorporate the dining room. And there will have to be two bedrooms with bathrooms en suite for the kids, should they feel like crashing for the weekend.”