For the man: do double-check with your doctor that prostate massage is safe for you. And do get regular checkups for sexually transmitted diseases and cancer by your doctor. There should not be any prostatic massage for about three weeks before a PSA test, the controversial test for prostate cancer. It may distort the results.
Keep in mind, too, some simple rules to assure safe sex. If you and your partner have both been tested and you are both monogamous, then you may consider yourselves “fluid bonded”. And then you will probably need gloves only for cleanliness.
If you are with a new partner or you have not been tested, or if you are with multiple partners, gloves (or other barriers) are a must. Also be careful about sharing toys, and cover them with condoms too.
Be careful with handling lube bottles so you don’t mix anal and genital germs. Clean up is easier if you put a condom on the lube bottle. However you still need to keep track of your hands so the same hand always touches the lube bottle.
While we’re at it, make sure you only use toys in the butt that have a flared base so they can’t slide in all the way. There are some websites that are good resources on safer sex issues, including San Francisco Sex Information and Planned Parenthood websites. So please stay updated on the current recommendations.
Supplies
Lots of the stuff you need for prostate massage is available at pretty much any drug store.
For online stores: their phone consultants are totally comfortable with questions about products ranging from butt plugs to special-purpose lubes, and they usually really know what they are talking about.
Go ahead and buy a fair amount of stuff. It really doesn’t cost that much, and it really pays to experiment to find what works best for the two of you. For the price of a meal and a movie out you can collect treasures that will be a lot more rewarding than a steak dinner and a couple tickets to Die Hard 27.
Handy wipes come in very handy, indeed. You’ll want to try both the scented and unscented kind. Some people really like the scented sort; the pretty smell makes them more comfortable. But watch for skin reactions.
And gloves, of course, are very important. So make sure you try different kinds to see which feel right for you. They come in latex, vinyl, and nitrile. And they come in a variety of sizes. The one-size-fits-all are okay but not best. And when you are choosing sizes, better to go too big than too small. If you are nervous and your hands are perspiring, it’s easier to get on a glove that’s not too snug. One other thought: Try the silly and sexy black gloves that you can find online.
The other thing you may want to get is female condoms. They come in boxes, so they’re not usually on the drugstore racks with the male condoms. Instead they tend to be on a shelf, mixed in with pregnancy kits and the like. They can be hard to find in stores so best shop online at sites including Amazon, where they are easy to locate and cost a bit less.
People often use finger cots, mini-condoms that fit on the finger-tip, for anal play. I don’t recommend them because they cover too little, which will either inhibit your play or risk a mess.
You might want to try some cotton balls or some band aids in your gloves. As I mentioned earlier, they are kinder to his insides, eliminating the possibility of poking or pinching. The catch is that they also reduce feeling in the fingertips, making it harder to know what you’re touching and reducing the sense of intimacy with your partner. You two need to decide whether the cushioning is worth it.
Interestingly, though, a lot of women find that they enjoy having a finger inside the anus more if there is something to pad the fingernail. So maybe the best thing is to try it both ways before choosing.
Now for the all-important lubes. Drug stores and similar shops usually carry lots of brands of water-based lubes. But do read the label before you buy. The scented and flavored lubes never work, other than to irritate the delicate tissues, just skip them.
One lube that I think is really great is silicone lube◦— pure silicone◦— and you can always tell you are getting the real thing by the high price: a little bottle costs more than $20. The good news is that a little goes a long way. You’re not going to need much because it does not dry out once exposed to the air, like water-based lubes. A popular brand is called Pjur Eros, the black bottle. Your local or online adult store sells it.
Best to try different ones to see which you both like. Pump bottles are really great for lube because they are so handy.
Another thing you might want to buy at the drug store: disposable, absorbent water-proof pads for protecting sheets. The Chux brand is just fine. Make sure to buy the biggest size they have; nobody wants to be distracted by cleanup issues.
I mentioned using regular male condoms for butt toys. This makes sense for several reasons. The first is easy cleanup, all you need do is turn it inside out as you are pulling it off, and there you are. Second, if you are practicing safer sex with your partner and sharing toys, you need the protection. Lastly, if you have a silicone toy and are using silicone lube, direct contact between the two will wreck the toy. Non-lubricated condoms are great for toys because the toy will be dry and not slippery with lube when you remove the condom.
Stuff you probably already have: lots of pillows and cushions because you want to be really comfortable. Perhaps grab some towels to put underneath. And then you want a nice music source, preferably with a remote control (you’ll both be busy…).
Music is really, really important, and many people use music that is too slow. They play some lovely meditative music, and then wonder why he goes to sleep. For better energy all round, find some music with a beat. Choose it together, as part of the adventure.
Then collect all your toys: the butt plugs, the vibrators, maybe some feathers for tickling and whatever else you’ve splurged on from your favorite neighborhood or online adult store. Have some water handy, some yummy juices, some snacks that you love to nibble. And of course you’ve got to have some chocolate. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate◦— your decision. However, I do believe very strongly that chocolate goes very beautifully with erotic play.
Positions
Wondering about the best positions for doing prostate massage? The basic idea is to do whatever works. And depending on your age, physical condition and mood, that can mean anything from acrobatic to totally restful. But do try different positions to see what is comfortable, yet still provides room for variety and the full range of sensations.
Remember, too, the woman who is giving the massage needs to be comfortable, too. If her back is killing her, everybody loses. She may want to lean against the head board or the wall. Or use a BackJack type floor chair, which is a sitting device that you find on the Web. She’ll probably lean forward, anyway, once things get truly exciting because she may need to lean way in to go deep. But the back support is still good to have.
If the guy is on his back, which is nice because you can look at each other, you might want to put a pillow under his hips for better access. If he is on his side, there’s a chance of losing your bearings on the landmarks. Just keep in mind that the prostate is on the penis side, on the front of his body.
Another position for the guy is on his tummy, which makes it is easy for him to close his eyes, zone out and just enjoy. The tricky part is there is less access to his genitals. Another nice position is on his hands and knees, or for the flexible in the crowd, on his hands and knees but sitting back on his heels.
One really, really key thing to remember: if you’re not having fun, if things are not flowing, if something is just not quite right, or if you want things to be better, it’s really great to move into a new position. It’s amazing how big a difference that can make.