Now imagine yourself on your death bed, not anytime soon, of course. Would you rather be saying, “I was always really curious about exploring more sex stuff, like anal play, but the risk of messy was just too dreadful so I never did that.” Or would you rather be gloating, “Well! We sure tried some crazy sex stuff. Some worked great and some flopped. But wow! Did we have fun!” Pretty clear choice, right?
For a really great experience, for some powerful and intense orgasms, for entering realms you didn’t know existed, would you put up with the risk of a little messiness? Of course you would.
Now about the information provided in this book: nowhere else will you find it in such detail. People just do not talk about this topic at length. But I really want you to have the whole truth, so that you will realize it is not a big deal. Be prepared for some detailed discussion of your rectum and your anus (this is where the fourth graders in sex ed class giggle). Probably more detail than you’ve ever heard before. And yes, we will definitely be talking about poop (more giggles).
All doctors, by the way, have to get used to the subject pretty early on because they do hundreds of digital◦— which means finger◦— rectal exams (with gloves on). Then they even take any tiny bit of fecal matter from the glove and put it on a special paper to test for blood in the stool. Also, doctors routinely do procedures in the anal area. So as a physician, I long ago accepted that the area as just another body part.
Doctors try hard not to be embarrassed because it would be unprofessional, and because they understand it makes their patients more uncomfortable than necessary. Plus, doctors need to instruct people on how to collect stool samples, and how to take care of their hemorrhoids and other anal problems. So they learn to talk about it matter-of-factly. You can, too.
Okay, back to the butt. The party line on websites that talk about sex techniques is that there is nothing in the rectum, because poop is stored up higher. It moves down only when you feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom.
Well, actually, the truth is different, but only a little different. There is a little poop in there occasionally, but it’s no big deal in terms of health risk. So the good news is that lots of times there is just no mess at all. Moreover, the chance of an unwelcome encounter is even lower than one might expect because the prostate isn’t far inside the canal.
While I’m at it, let me note that there is a lot of pleasure to be had, for women as well as men, just inside the anal opening, where there is even less risk of messy. In any case, I’m going to give you lots of advice on how to make the experience work for both of you in all kinds of situations.
First of all, gals, you’ll be using a glove, or your finger will be inside a female condom. So you will not get any poop on your skin. Not that it’s a disaster if you do: You can just take it off with a handy wipe. Hey, changing a baby’s diaper is no fun, but those of you with kids and grandkids survived it.
That said, some people like to clean themselves inside as well as out before playing. Using rectal syringes or enemas can be useful. However you may find, after some experimenting, that they are not worth the trouble.
For this purpose you can buy little plastic bulb syringes. The small ones are called ear syringes; the bigger ones, rectal syringes.
To use one, squeeze the bulb, hold the tip in warm water and release the bulb to fill. Then put a little lube on the tip (we’ll discuss the choice of lubes later), find the anal opening with your finger, slide the tip in, squeeze out the water, and slide the tip back out. Usually, you’ll be doing this sitting on the toilet. Then you hold the water in for a little while◦— you can experiment with different lengths of time◦— and then poop it out. You can do this several times until things feel clean inside.
You can also buy a Fleet’s enema in the drug store: get the plain, non-laxative kind. If you cannot find that, just empty the bottle, and refill it with plain water. Do not use the commercial enema liquid for this purpose to avoid any irritation and over-active guts.
This sounds like a good plan, but sometimes the water makes a mess rather than cleaning one up. While before the clean-up procedure, there may be a couple of firm chunks of poop◦— I know, this is getting pretty graphic◦— the internal bath leaves a gooey slurry behind.
Another downside to enemas is that they can stimulate the intestines. Just when you are settling down to some sensual play, your colon may get noisy and busy◦— not so sexy. Every body reacts differently. So do experiment to see which methods are best for you.
Buying intimate supplies such as the rectal syringes is really no big deal. Generally, the drug store clerk could not care less about what they ring up and put into a bag for you. For that matter, they may not have a clue what the supplies are for. And if you are really shy about making eye contact with the teenager behind the counter, you can buy syringes anonymously online.
However, occasionally, one does get to have a little fun◦— or whatever you choose to make of it. The last time I picked up a rectal syringe from the drug store shelf and carried it to the cash register, the thought crossed my mind that, if this were a gross-out movie starring Seth Rogen, there would be sure to be a price check on this via store-wide loudspeaker.
Sure enough, the checker could not scan my purchase and did not know the price. And yes, she did get on the loudspeaker and called for a price check. And the guy at the back of the store did ask via the loudspeaker, “Price check on what?”
The clerk looked at me; I looked at her. We were both trying to decide whether to be embarrassed or tickled. I just cracked up, so she did, too.
Finally, I solved the problem by going back to the shelf and checking the price. So, in situations like this, you can either laugh or you can be embarrassed. And laughing is more fun. Usually, other people◦— in particular, your partner◦— will take their cues from you.
Another way to get squeaky clean inside is by performing the full-fledged enema routine, which ends in the evacuation of your colon as well as your rectum. That’s a bigger project with the hoses and clamps and all that stuff. But some people enjoy it. So if you are one of them, go for it. Just one problem with either a rectal clean-up or an enema: both can lead to mild intestinal cramping before the deed is done.
The basics that make for a successful anal and prostate massage session are pretty straightforward. One is timing. After a good poop, you say, “Hey honey! I’m ready.” This, by the way, is a great time for a quickie, if there is not enough time for a long session.
Another option is a self-check in the bathroom. You put on a glove, put lube or saliva on a finger as you are sitting on the toilet, then slide your finger into your anal opening and check on conditions inside. If the coast is clear, that can be very reassuring. If you find some stuff you’d rather not have there, it can sometimes be pooped out right then. The lube on the anus can help get the job done in a tidy manner.
I know, I know. This is way too much information with too much graphic detail. You really did not want to hear about your insides in such detail, did you? But it’s time to get past this sort of thinking. The alternative is to settle for less adventure◦— and less fun. And you don’t want that!
Another easy way to go, if there is just too much in there and it is too messy to contemplate, is to skip the deep penetration part. This may be the time to just play with external anal massage and, maybe, add a little teasing with a fingertip inside the anal sphincter.