So, what happens if you do have a close encounter with the second kind? There’s “full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes” approach (pun not intended, but I’ll take a smile wherever I can get one). If you are in the mood for prostate massage and your partner is too, don’t waste the opportunity. It is fine to just get in there and deal with what you find.
Here we go again with the graphic bits. There are ways to work around any obstacles that you may encounter. Once your finger is inside, if you feel some stuff in there, just slide your finger along the front wall of the rectum and ignore it. If there is matter up higher, just ignore it, too. You can even push little solid chunks further up out and out of the way.
Once you are done inside and slide your fingers out, you can hold on to the cuff of the glove with your pristine ungloved hand and pull the cuff towards the body as you are pulling your hand out. That way the glove turns itself inside out. Then, after you use a disposable wipe on him, tuck it into the used glove, tie the cuff into a knot and presto: all is tidy and ready for disposal. And no smell either.
It is a good general practice to always use a disposable wipe on his anus every time, and to not tell him whether this was a squeaky clean day or a not completely clean day. All he needs to know is that he had a great time. And that you, his partner, provided a really hot treat for him. Right?
And, in case you thought I wouldn’t get around to this, here’s another perspective on the messiness issue. In a recent phone conversation with Annie Sprinkle, the performance artist and sex educator who wrote the wonderful book, Spectacular Sex, she shared another possibility. “Some people” she explained, “find a bit of messiness a turn-on.”
So there you are. If you are one of those people, or feel that you have the potential to become one, I am not going to judge you.
Finally, remember what your mama told you. Eat your high fiber diet to keep yourself regular. And a really, really basic piece of advice that we all tend to ignore: when nature calls, answer promptly. We tend to hold it and wait to go until the time is convenient. But you’ll have more complete poops if you listen to your body and respect its signals.
There you are: the gross-out is over. Now sit back and read on to make the most of an organ you’ve been ignoring forever.
Genital Massage
Actually before we get to the prostate, let’s talk a bit about massaging a body part that you are more familiar with. A genital massage for the guy (with or without a go at the prostate) is such an easy way for a couple to have fun by making him very happy.
So how is a genital massage different from a hand job? Well, in many ways they are similar because both involve the partner’s hands on the man’s penis and scrotum. However, the goal is a little different.
With a genital massage, the focus is on making the pleasure last. The point is not just to get him off, but to let him experience peaks and valleys along the way which is something most women understand from their own experiences. The idea is not to tease him but to allow him to enjoy himself longer. And also to experience a variety of sensations that are different from the joys of a simple hand job.
Receiving a genital massage can be a very nurturing experience, as well as fun for a man. Check out the chapter on the long prostate massage session for information on how to organize the beginning of the genital massage. When the woman uses her hands to give him pleasure this way, she is starting to get him used to the idea of being done. He gets to experience what it is like when she is in charge and when he does not have to worry about being in charge. This can be a new experience for men, one that can be wonderful or difficult or both at the same time.
In our society, there is constant pressure on men to perform in the sexual arena, as well as everywhere else in daily life. Men are expected to change the flat tire and to deal with scary noises at night. Yes, this is a stereotype, and not every man feels that obligation and not every relationship works this way. But it is true much of the time.
Likewise, it is often the man who is expected to initiate sex: to turn her on, produce and maintain an erection, give her an orgasm, and to ejaculate (but not too early or too late). What’s more, he is supposed to do the physical work of sexual intercourse◦— which by the way, gals, is a lot of work.
When he is getting a genital massage, there is no pressure to perform. All he needs to do is lie back and enjoy. Also, he doesn’t have to fear doing anything wrong because he is the one who is being done and any reactions are okay.
Men also often worry whether they’ll get an erection. But here, that doesn’t matter, which can be a big relief for the guy. So a genital massage is also a great choice to give sexual pleasure to a man when his erection is not happening, for whatever reason (which we all know happens to every man, more or less often.)
Men may also feel pressure to last longer before coming◦— or, for that matter, not to come too late and tire her out. Or they may feel the need to come for her sake when they might actually prefer not to ejaculate this time around. But with genital massage, that does not matter either. It feels so lovely just to be the recipient of a loving touch.
Whether or not the erotic session will progress further to anal play and to prostate stimulation, it’s always best to start each session with genital massage for him. It’s also important to keep the sensations on the penis going when focusing on other areas such as the perineum and the anus.
So here’s my advice for genital massage. Coat both your hands with lots of lube. Silicone lubricant is best for this because it does not dry out. Oil, such as coconut oil, also works well but may cause a latex glove to break. If you choose a water-based lube, have some water handy◦— a glass you can dip your fingers into or a spray bottle◦— to refresh the lube when it gets sticky.
The goal is to produce a continuous swirling motion over the head and the shaft of the penis, with lots of variations. You can use light touch like just the fingertips barely touching, all the way to firm touch like the whole palm grasping firmly or squeezing. The speed can also vary from so slow that you are barely moving to rapid strokes.
Do try different things and ask him if he likes it. Use yes or no questions; they take less thinking to answer, so that he can stay in that aroused happy state more easily. Ask him to show you what he likes by demonstrating on himself with his own hand. Now, since he may be self-conscious about doing that while you are watching, you may want to encourage him by telling him that it is a turn-on for you when he touches himself. Remember that what he likes for extended pleasure and what he likes to get to an ejaculatory orgasm may be different. So use your touch accordingly, depending on the goal that you both have in mind.
Here are some techniques for male genital massage. Grasp the shaft of the penis in the palm of your hand and slide up towards the tip, then back down. Use more pressure when going out towards the tip and less when moving towards the base of the penis. In fact, this is always a good guideline during genital massage. You always want to apply more pressure going towards the head of the penis than away from it to ensure that you don’t bend the penis by mistake.
And while you’re at it, you can add a twisting motion so that the hand slides around the penis while going up and down. You can also continue further up over the tip of the penis and slide the hand over the head of the penis and back down. Or you can roll the shaft between the palms of both hands, as if rolling a stick to make fire.
Also, both hands can follow each other sliding from the base to the head of the penis, but only sliding up. Another trick to try: with both hands on the shaft, gently slide them back and forth in opposite directions. You can vary the sensation of the strokes to make ejaculation less likely. And you can slow down◦— sometimes way down◦— to keep him from coming.