Internal Anal Massage
Now so some tips on technique. And gals, share these notes with your guys, because what’s fun for men turns out to be fun for women too, even if they don’t have prostates.
As a general rule, use super-slow motions because even tiny movements create lots of sensation. In fact, movements should be so slow that the woman who is giving the massage will almost be bored. Well, not really; doing this massage is a big turn-on for most of us. You really won’t have to do much to make him very, very happy.
While massaging, pay close attention to his face for clues as to how he is doing. Keep breathing and keep the genital stimulation going. Now, as with external massage, it’s normal for erections to come and go. And again, let me emphasize that the loss of his erection doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying himself. It just means that he is focused elsewhere in his body.
At first you go in no deeper than the fingertip if that’s what he wants. If he’s up for it, you can try pushing your fingertip to the side, to the front, to the other side and back (needless to say, really slowly). This is with your fingertip just barely inside him.
You can do the same thing moving in very slow circles just inside the anal opening. Go easy on the in-and-out motions since they can cause soreness if overdone.
You might want to try some slow movements in and out with a super slow corkscrew twisting motion, which is very cool, however you’ll want lots of lube for that. In later sessions you might try more of those in-and-out movements if he likes them. And yes, keep asking him what he likes.
Do use lots of lube on his penis as well as on his anus. If the water-based lube gets sticky, dip your finger in water. Or if you are using silicone, just add a little more. And for a super-slippery experience, mix some silicone-based lube with some water-based lube; it’s a wonderful combination.
You may have heard that you can’t use too much lube, but that’s not quite right. You don’t want to get a whole lot of silicone lube inside the butt because silicone is never absorbed. So it just sits there, and can leak out later, which is not a disaster, but not precisely what you want to be doing at the office or the dinner table. Water-based lube does not cause this problem.
Here is where, instead of a glove, you might want to try a female condom. Usually you’ll take out the internal ring for this and throw it away or save it to use for Christmas tree ornaments. Just kidding! Then put your fingers inside the condom, slide it inside him, and move your finger inside it. The condom itself doesn’t move, just your finger. This provides even greater insurance against messy.
One important thought: if he is really aroused and asks you to do him hard, be careful. If he is really turned on, his pain tolerance is going to be higher than normal and he may end up being sore afterwards. You can always be more intense the next time.
Prostate Massage
You’ve arrived at the most exciting part of the course. The suspense probably just about killed you, didn’t it? It is surprising to most people how much learning and prep work are needed to assure a fabulous experience.
I should mention that when a physician like myself does a prostate massage, it is, of course, not meant to be arousing. The massage may be very effective as therapy for prostate problems. However, sexual arousal is not part of the experience. You have the advantage of doing it with a sexual partner, so that you get to have the erotic as well as the health benefits. And the sexual turn-on certainly makes prostatic massage much more pleasurable.
Back to technique. To massage the prostate, use lots of lube◦— if the lube isn’t dripping off the ceiling, it’s not enough.
To help you find the location of the prostate, remember that it is on the penis side of the rectum. I know that sounds silly, but it’s actually useful to recall that when he is in different positions.
Once inside, slide your finger up the front, his belly side. If he is on his back, that means that the flat of your finger is pointing to the ceiling.
Be sure to use the pad of your finger. Do not use the actual fingertip, because it pokes. This is really important: you want to pay attention to make sure that the flat side of your finger is on the prostate.
You’ll probably find that the pointer finger of your dominant hand works best. Since it does not have another finger on both sides, there is a little more mobility. Some people like using a middle finger because it is longest and provides the most reach. It is worth trying both to see what works best for you both.
So you slide your finger up a couple of inches and feel a firm flat round disc and that’s it. You’ve found the Holy Grail! Exciting, isn’t it?
The prostate may feel like a chestnut, a coin or a half of a walnut. It has a round-to-oval shape with two lobes like the wings of the butterfly. There is some tissue between your finger and the prostate which can vary in thickness. Sometimes the prostate is right there at your fingertips, and sometimes you can feel more of that soft tissue in-between.
You might be able to feel his pulse just like you would at the wrist or at the neck. As your finger rests on his G-spot you can feel the rhythm of his heartbeat. Cool, isn’t it! And so intimate!
At first just hold a little light pressure with your finger tip without moving. Then start to touch the prostate so very lightly that it can be hard to tell whether you are actually touching or not. Keep it that light for a while◦— there is no rush to get anywhere else. Never do fast and hard movements right on the prostate. And do keep the genital massage going.
He should feel free to say “enough” at any time. Your task is to listen and to respond, sliding your finger out promptly but not rapidly.
This may feel good to him, or it may just feel “interesting”. It usually feels more pleasurable after he has experienced it more often. Here’s a surprising finding: even if the prostate massage does not feel that good to him yet, his ejaculatory orgasm will still be more intense with greater volume. So he may get the benefit of the deeper orgasms before he notices pleasurable sensations in the prostate itself.
Do you both want more? Are you both ready for the actual “massage” part of the prostate massage? Here the focus is not on moving in and out; you move while staying inside. And you avoid any hard or fast movements directly on the prostate.
During the massage, the guy usually cannot tell exactly what the woman is doing with her finger on his prostate. The sensations tend to be diffused. So don’t bother writing messages to him by tracing letters with your fingers on his prostate. He won’t be able to decipher them.
There are a bunch of good massage moves. One is called “windshield wipers”: your fingertip slowly moves back and forth over his prostate while your hand remains stationary. Another is to trace circles right on the prostate. Yet another is to do strokes from the edges in towards the middle and from top to bottom. With therapeutic prostate massage, these moves are designed to drain the fluid that collects in the prostate.
You can do light pulses by gently pushing into the prostate and then letting go. With the “come hither” motion, you bend your finger and stroke the prostate as if you were beckoning to someone. Last, there is the “trip around the world” in which you slide your finger circularly around the edges of the prostate.
As I described in the positions section, you may need to lean way in there to go deep inside him. Don’t worry if you cannot touch the whole thing. Just stroke what you can reach. The far edge is especially difficult to reach unless your fingers are long.
During prostate massage (and this applies to anal and genital massage, too) your partner may feel unexpected emotions◦— love or laughter, fear or anger, sadness or tears. It can also be a mixture of these feelings. Don’t worry, this is normal and desirable. You just keep the massage going, letting the feelings happen. You do not need to say or fix anything.