After sliding out, hold the back of your hand or your fist against the outside of his anal opening for a few moments, so he doesn’t feel lonely. This parting can be a very emotional experience akin to parting from a lover. On the other hand, some guys don’t care about that at all.
You do a quick bit of cleanup with handy wipes. And then it is nice to appreciate each other, to thank each other. Tell him that you loved doing that, that it was hot for you. Tell her that you loved getting it, that you felt loved. Then you may cuddle. He may want to sleep a little. Don’t make him feel guilty about that. He’s done a great job of exploring, and you’ve done a great job exploring with him.
And there you are◦— that’s all there is to it. The only really important take-away is to have the courage to explore your sexuality at this new level.
Love Those Quickies!
This book is mostly about slow play. But quickies can be great, too! Truth is, a quickie is sometimes all there’s time for. If you don’t take advantage of these brief opportunities, you’re going to miss out on a lot of sex, fun and connection.
Quickies are not second-best to the long love making sessions, either. They are just as wonderful in their own way if we let them be. Just like there are times when we love a plain old hamburger and fries and other times we crave a fancy bouillabaisse that has been lovingly prepared for hours.
In any case, it’s just so much better to have a short lovemaking session than none at all. If you always wait for the perfect time to have sex, you’re going spend a lot of time waiting. And actually, since quickies are by nature improvised and imperfect, you may find you’re more relaxed and playful. There is less pressure to make the experience perfect which may allow you to be more spontaneous and adventurous than usual. And that’s what we want.
Remember, too, it can even be fun to just take a break from the belief that sex must end in orgasm. Start with some erotic play, and maybe the orgasm will happen and maybe not. And guys, you will have a lot more sex with your partner if she is just free to be sexy with you without feeling like she has to create that ejaculatory orgasm for you every time.
Of course, you want it a lot of the time and you will get it. But maybe orgasm doesn’t have to be the ending every single time.
So here is the secret to making quickies happen: Whenever you feel the smallest erotic impulse, whenever you feel even a tiny bit of a turn on, jump at the chance. Even two minutes can be fun.
Perhaps the two of you lock yourselves in the bathroom, she drops on her knees, unzips his pants and pulls them down, gives him oral sex first for a few minutes and then adds external prostate massage for another few minutes. Then, time to go.
Okay, so that was more than two minutes. But it was still really short. She helps him get dressed, they kiss and go back to family life.
Maybe another time, our couple has seven spare minutes until they have to leave for dinner. She playfully pushes him down on the bed, sits on his face, and enjoys a few minutes of receiving oral sex. Then they finish getting dressed and leave. Oops: probably best if he washes his face.
With practice, his prostate can be incorporated, too. As he learns to relax and allow a finger into his anal opening, he can have a quickie prostate massage when he is in the mood. Maybe he is in the shower, and she joins him. She rubs conditioner on both hands, one hand caresses his genitals and the other caresses his butt. When he’s ready, she slides a finger in, gives his prostate some gentle strokes for a few minutes and that’s it. Both wash and step out of the shower with a special glow on their faces. Now that’s a really good reason for checking out the guy’s reaction to conditioner on his penis and anus ahead of time, isn’t it?
For a full genital and prostate massage session, it’s best to have about an hour. However, even 30 minutes can be enough for a mini-prostate massage, or at least for a genital massage and some external anal caresses to keep him in practice for enjoying that kind of caress from you.
So how do you make quickies work? The trick is to get yourself turned on while you’re starting. Consciously, work on increasing your arousal while you collect your supplies. Think about the yummy feelings that you’ll be having soon, and speak those juicy thoughts out loud to your partner. You might want to move your body in way that feels sexy to you. For women it might be arching your back, rolling your hips, rubbing your breasts against him even if you are still dressed. He might move his hips imagining how it feels to be inside her. Either one of you might think or speak an erotic fantasy. And don’t worry about being a little silly; it’s the thought that counts. Even if you laugh about it, you’ll still get turned on.
Another time over dinner (with just the two of you) tell each other some sexy fantasies, so that later those stories can be told back to you to get you turned on. The idea is to be primed for arousal. But once you start touching each other, do keep the touch slow. Hectic foreplay just isn’t sexy.
Gals, go for his penis (with your hand or mouth) to get him turned on fast. And play with letting his turn-on get you excited too.
Now here we are mostly talking about quickies for prostate massage. However, let’s make sure that she is the prime beneficiary of her share of quickies and that you both set aside enough time for long sessions. And gals, make sure that you request these sessions, in a nice, enthusiastic and appreciative way.
If anal play is to be part of your quickie, use a handy wipe on his butt as a substitute for a shower. Then do the same things that you would in a long session, only for a shorter period. You do the genital massage, the external anal massage, the internal anal after asking and receiving permission to enter, and the prostate massage. To get inside him more quickly, he can take the initiative to tell her when he’s ready. And he can focus on pushing out against her finger and then relaxing to make the process go faster.
When I do a prostate exam as a physician, it only takes a couple of minutes. So certainly, a few minutes is definitely possible, once he’s entirely comfortable with the idea of being penetrated.
It’s totally okay to end these sessions quickly, too. A look of gratitude, a kiss and appreciative “That was so hot!” should suffice. And use that bubbly energy left over from your quickie in whatever regular stuff you are doing that day. A quickie is really great for fueling creative thought: to write that next chapter or to get inspired to plant the garden.
Later on, it can be part of the fun to talk briefly about what parts of your sexy adventure worked well. Then file away the thoughts◦— or maybe write a diary entry on your computer◦— for future reference. Nothing says love quite so much as a surprise offer of a rerun of a sexy treat that he or she has especially enjoyed in the past.
Safety First
I have consulted with professional colleagues who are urological specialists and they are unanimous: they see no risk in prostate massage, except maybe from a long finger nail. Moreover, these colleagues think massage is likely to reduce current prostate symptoms and perhaps prevent future ones. I have also researched the medical literature via the Online Medical Search services and the brand new Campbell’s Urology textbook. None contain cautions for prostatic massage. Research continues, however, and new and different information may develop. So do keep checking.
It is always really important that you pay attention to pain during the massage and back off right away. If any pain persists, or develops later, do see a physician. And also remember that this information here is only for inspiration: you really do need your own doctor for medical care.