“Alex,” Miranda said sharply. “Dr. Goldman, I’m sorry. Alex is tired. He hasn’t had a day off in weeks.”
“It’s not slave labor,” Alex said with a grin. “Just making as much money as we can before the baby’s born.”
“You’re working too hard,” Mom said. “Take Sunday off.”
Alex shook his head. “They tip better on Sundays,” he replied. “I’ll take a few days off when Carlos comes.”
“Daddy works too hard,” Sarah said. “He’d be at the clinic on Saturdays if I’d let him.”
“One doctor for all of White Birch,” her father said. “I’d clone myself if I could.”
“They’re doing a lot with cloning,” Jon said. “Plants mostly, but chickens and goats, too. The animals we need to survive.”
“I wish they’d clone cows,” Mom said. “I really miss hamburgers.”
Everyone laughed.
“You miss the strangest things,” Alex said. “I miss the smell of a bodega. My uncle owned one. I never liked going there, but now I think about all the different smells, the fruits, the spices, even the beer and the cigarettes.”
Miranda nodded. “I miss my high school cafeteria,” she said. “If you’d told me four years ago I’d ever be nostalgic for the cafeteria, I would’ve said you’re crazy. But we were so alive in there. So much drama, so much laughing.”
“I will never ever miss the Sexton cafeteria,” Sarah said so solemnly that everyone burst out laughing. “All right. It’s not the worst place in the world. It only feels that way. What do you miss most, Jon?”
“Baseball,” Jon said, without even thinking about it.
“Well, that’s flattering,” Miranda said. “You miss baseball more than your family?”
“Jon has his family,” Mom said. “Right here.”
“I thought you might say Julie,” Alex said. “The two of you were pretty close.”
I don’t miss Julie, Jon thought. She haunts me. But all he said was, “I think about her a lot. But if you start listing all the people you miss, you’ll never stop.”
“Speaking of missing, we’re going to miss the car they’re sending us,” Dr. Goldman said, standing up. “Come on, kids. We need to get going.”
“I hope you’ll come again,” Mom said. “And not just for the wine.”
“I’d like to,” Dr. Goldman said. “I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in a long time. Alex, Miranda, hang in there. Better times are ahead.”
Jon hugged Mom and Miranda. He’d be riding back with Sarah and her father in a chauffeured car, back to Sexton, to school, to vitamin supplements and purified air, chicken twice a week, and domestics to do all the cleaning. Back to the life Julie had given him in exchange for her own.
“Your mother’s wonderful,” Sarah said as they sat in the car, driving out of White Birch. “I like Alex, too. I wish he and Miranda could have what we have.”
“Someday they will,” her father said. “As long as you and Jon and all the young people work toward it.”
“We will,” Sarah said. “Jon promised me we would.”
Jon nodded in the darkness. It was easier to agree than to tell the truth. They’d never give up what they had. Sarah was the only person he knew who thought grubs were entitled to a better life. And for all her talking, Jon didn’t think she’d trade places with anyone in White Birch. She liked her purified air and vitamin supplements as much as the rest of them.
“Someday,” he said because he knew Sarah wanted to hear it. And what difference did another lie make? He was living a life of them. That’s why Julie haunted him day and night.
Chapter 6
“Who’s Julie?” Sarah asked first thing that morning.
Jon wasn’t surprised. He knew Sarah would be asking. You promise her to solve the world’s problems, and she still wasn’t going to be satisfied.
“Alex’s sister,” he replied.
“Is that how Miranda met Alex?” Sarah asked. “You knew his sister?”
“No,” Jon said. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m listening,” Sarah said, and Jon knew she was. Whether he wanted her to or not.
“We lived in Pennsylvania,” he said. “Well, you know that. Dad and Lisa had tried to make it west, but they couldn’t, so they came back. Gabe was a baby. They met people on the road, this really nice guy named Charlie, and Alex and Julie. They all came east, to our house.”
“And you and Julie became close?” Sarah said.
“Everyone paired off,” Jon replied. “Matt had married Syl a few weeks before, and Dad was with Lisa. Miranda didn’t give Alex a chance to say no. Even Mom hung out with Charlie. So it felt natural, Julie and me. She was just a year younger. I liked her a lot.” He paused at the memory. “Maybe I loved her. I said I did. I was almost fifteen. Can you be in love that young?”
“We didn’t have a chance to be young,” Sarah said.
“No,” Jon said. “We didn’t.”
“So you loved Julie,” Sarah said. “What happened to her, Jon?”
There was more than one answer to that question, but Jon knew what he would never tell Sarah, never tell anyone.
“Dad and Lisa and Alex and Julie and Charlie moved into an empty house,” Jon said. “I was there all the time, or Julie was at our place. Mom and Dad got along, and Mom was fixated on making sure Lisa had enough to eat so she could nurse Gabe.”
Sarah nodded. “I can picture that,” she said. “And Miranda and Alex falling in love.”
“The town we lived in was still getting food,” Jon said. “Every Monday you could go in and get a few bags. So Julie and I went together. On our way back…”
This was hard. It didn’t seem to matter that he’d rehearsed what to say, how to say it. The words didn’t want to come out.
Sarah touched him gently on his arm. “It’s okay,” she said.
It wasn’t okay. It would never be okay. “There was a tornado,” Jon said flatly. “We got caught in it. I tried to hold on to Julie, but the wind picked her up. Remember plastic bags, how the wind could make them dance? It was like that. Julie fell wrong. I don’t know. She broke her neck or her spine. She was paralyzed. She was conscious, but she couldn’t move.”
“Oh, Jon,” Sarah said.
“We took her back to our house,” Jon continued. “Dad and Matt and me. Alex got lost in the storm. It took him a couple of days to get back to the house.” He forced himself not to think of Alex.
“Did Julie die?” Sarah asked softly.
“Not right away,” Jon said. “She lived another day or so, and then she died in her sleep. Miranda was with her. Julie couldn’t do anything for herself. Someone had to be with her all the time. Everyone took turns.”
“That must have been horrible for you,” Sarah said. “Staying with her, seeing her lying there, helpless.”
“I never saw her,” Jon said. “The house Dad and Lisa were living in collapsed in the storm. Lisa and Gabe and Charlie were stuck in the cellar. Then Charlie died, so it was just Lisa and Gabe. We had to pull all the rubble off the cellar roof before it collapsed on them. That was all we did, pull the rubble away. I didn’t see Julie. I worked on saving Lisa and Gabe.”
“That had to be done,” Sarah said. “You did what had to be done.”
“No,” Jon said. “I mean, yes, we had to get Lisa and Gabe out. But that wasn’t why I didn’t sit with Julie. I was scared to. I’m a coward, Sarah. Deep down, that’s all I am. A coward. I told Julie I loved her, but when she was helpless and dying and her brother was missing, I couldn’t make myself see her. Lisa was an excuse. Mom and Matt and Miranda were used to treating me like a baby. They probably felt they were protecting me by not making me say good-bye to Julie. And I let them. I let Julie die without seeing me.”