“Very,” Jon muttered.
“Oh, Jon,” Lisa said. “I know I’m not your mother. I’ll never replace Laura. But you’re going to eat breakfast and you’re going to see Miranda and you’re going to take care of Gabe.”
“Tyler’s funeral is this afternoon,” Jon said.
“You’re not going,” Lisa said. “You don’t need it, and they don’t need you. I need you. Gabe needs you. Miranda needs you.”
“How did Alex take it?” Jon asked. Alex had called the night before, but Lisa had spoken to him.
“Not much better than you,” Lisa replied. “You know Alex. He feels everything is his fault, he should have been able to protect her.” She shook her head. “He couldn’t protect his sisters, either. I just hope he’ll find the strength to protect Miranda and the baby. Now one more bite and out you go. Give Miranda my love. Tell her I’ll do whatever I can and that we’re waiting with all our hearts for her and the baby to move here.”
Jon knew he wouldn’t say any such thing. But he finished his eggs, gave Lisa a kiss good-bye, and left for the bus that would take him to the hospital.
Miranda seemed very happy to see him. “I thought after our fight you wouldn’t come,” she said. “The baby’s due any day now.” She laughed. “I’ve got to be the only girl looking forward to labor. But I want to see Alex so much. And Mom. I want to see her holding the baby. Her first grandchild, Jon. Do you know how much that’s going to mean to her?”
“Mom’s dead,” Jon said. “She died.”
“What?” Miranda said. “What do you mean? How can she be dead? You just saw her. You told me you saw her, Jon. You said she was fine. What are you talking about?”
The image of Mom’s dead body washed over him. What she’d looked like, how the guard had spoken so easily about killing her. Miranda would never know. Matt wouldn’t, either. That memory was his alone.
“Jon!” Miranda cried. “Tell me!”
“I’m sorry,” Jon said. “It came out wrong.”
“You mean she isn’t dead?” Miranda asked. “It’s someone else? Is she sick? What, Jon? Tell me.”
“Mom was killed,” Jon said. “Day before yesterday. Alex called that night after work because he was worried about her; she wasn’t home. So I went to White Birch yesterday, to her school. The principal told me what happened. Guards went into Mom’s classroom. Someone decided the grubber kids should go to work in Sexton. A lot of grubs died over the weekend. Lisa’s been going crazy trying to get replacements.”
“I don’t care about Lisa!” Miranda shouted. “What happened to Mom?”
“She put up a fight,” Jon said. “They shot her.”
“I don’t believe it,” Miranda said. “Did you see her?”
“I saw her,” Jon said. “It’s true, Miranda. I’m sorry.”
“NO!” Miranda screamed. “NO!”
A nurse ran into the room. “What’s going on here?” she asked.
“I just told her her mother died,” Jon said. Our mother, he thought.
“She doesn’t need a mother,” the nurse said. “We’re taking good care of her. She’s going to have a fine, strong baby. Now, get out, whoever you are, and leave us alone.”
Jon had no desire to be there, but he knew how wrong the nurse was. Miranda needed Mom. They all needed Mom.
Miranda was crying hysterically, and the nurse was trying to quiet her. “I told you to leave,” the nurse said. “Get out before I call the guards.”
“Miranda, I’m sorry,” Jon said as he left the room. He didn’t know if she heard him.
He understood now why Lisa had insisted he take care of Gabe. All he wanted was Gabe’s love and Sarah’s comfort. That was all he wanted, and all he had left.
“In here,” Dr. Goldman said to Alex, who was walking behind him, carrying two large suitcases.
“What are those?” Jon asked.
“Props,” Dr. Goldman replied. “A way of getting Alex in here. Is your stepmother around?”
“She’s at work,” Jon said. “Where’s Sarah?”
“Home,” Dr. Goldman said. “Studying. Something she hasn’t done for a week now. Who else is here, Jon?”
“No one,” Jon said. “Carrie took Gabe to the market. They left a few minutes ago.”
“Good,” Dr. Goldman said. “Jon, why don’t you take Alex someplace people can’t see you. I’ll stay here, in case someone shows up.”
“Upstairs,” Jon said. He led Alex to his bedroom.
“This is nice,” Alex said, looking around the room Jon took for granted. “Someday Miranda and I will have a house like this.”
“It’s okay,” Jon said. “The Goldmans’ house is a lot nicer. Most of my friends’ houses are. Lisa has a good job, but she’s not important.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Alex said. “Where will Miranda be sleeping?”
“Downstairs, I guess,” Jon said. “There’s a little bedroom by the kitchen. Val used to sleep there. Alex, what is this? How did Dr. Goldman get you here?”
“He asked for me to be his driver,” Alex said. “So they sent me. We went to the hospital first, but they wouldn’t let me in. He saw Miranda and says she was all right. Subdued, he said. Very sad. But physically all right. May I sit down?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jon said. “Sure. Take the chair.” He sat on the bed.
“I went to the school and saw Laura,” Alex said. “Lisa said you’d seen her, that there was no mistake, but I had to see it for myself. What did you tell Miranda? Not everything, I hope.”
“Just that Mom was shot,” Jon said. “Protecting her students.”
“Thank you,” Alex said. “I think that’s what we should tell Matt, also. I’m sorry you had to see her like that, Jon. I’m sorry you heard the whole story.”
Jon looked at Alex. He’d never really liked him. Alex had been Julie’s overprotective brother, and then for reasons no one understood, Miranda had fallen in love with him, and Alex became family.
Dad and Lisa loved Alex, Jon reminded himself. But they’d loved Julie more. If it weren’t for Miranda, Alex would have drifted away from them years ago.
“It’s not easy to talk, is it?” Alex said. “We have history, but it’s fragmented. We’re family, but we’re strangers. Acquaintances. If Julie had lived, it would have been different.”
“Or if you’d stayed in Texas,” Jon said.
“Yeah,” Alex said. “That, too.”
Jon wanted to confront him, force him to admit the truth about Miranda and Julie. But to his own surprise, he said, “Thursday, after I saw Mom, I met one of the guards who killed her.” He hadn’t told anyone that, hadn’t intended to tell anyone. It was his shame, his nightmare. But now he was sharing it with Alex.
“That must have been very hard,” Alex said.
“The thing was, I liked him,” Jon said. “He was a ballplayer. We talked baseball. How can that be, Alex? How can someone that evil be . . . I don’t know . . . normal? Likable? Is it me? Am I that bad?”
“You’re not bad,” Alex said. “There’s nothing bad about you.”
“You don’t know the things I’ve done,” Jon said.
“No,” Alex said. “I don’t. But we both know what Miranda did.”
Jon stared at him.
“Carlos told me what you talked about,” Alex said. “Carlos is pretty smart in his own way. He realized about ten seconds after you left that you hadn’t known about Miranda and Julie. Knowing Carlos, he didn’t make it pretty.”
“He said Miranda drugged Julie with sleeping pills,” Jon said. “Then she smothered her to death.”
“That’s what Miranda told me,” Alex replied. “She wouldn’t lie about it.”